Akatsuki Vs. Wal-Mart #513

Everyone stared at the black van decorated with red clouds in horror. No would dare get in that thing willingly.

"Come on! I don't have all day!" Itachi bellowed from the driver's seat, motioning for the members pile in.

No one was dumb enough to risk their lives.

Tobi tugged on Kohana's sleeve and whined. "I want to go get the Hannah Montana movie…but not that badly! Tell him to let someone else drive!"

For once, everyone agreed with the good boy. Kohana sighed and approached the vehicle. "Itachi—"

"No. Now get in."

"Itachi, you could at least put on your glasses." Kohana put her hands on her hips like a scolding mother.

Itachi gave her his best glare while still attempting to appeal to the side of her that found him attractive. "Glasses wouldn't look hot on me."

"However, glasses would keep me alive. Your looks aren't worth our lives. Either put them on or I'll allow Arai to force you to look into her eyes."

He let out a gasp of horror. "Fighting dirty, are we?" He reached inside of his cloak and pulled his glasses out of his breast pocket. Immediately snickering was heard. "Ko! They can't laugh at me!"

Kohana turned and glared at the group. "Come on, you guys. I can easily walk to Wal-Mart." That shut them up. Itachi put the glasses on and both hands on the wheel.

"Come on." Itachi repeated without much enthusiasm.

The van was filled slowly, some people stopping to say prayers to their respective gods before getting in.

"Hidan, we don't have all day!" Tenshi yelled.

Hidan tilted his head up to look at her, lying in the middle of his sacrificial pentagram bleeding. "Jashin needs to know that his most favored follower is going up against his biggest challenge yet—Itachi's driving!"

Itachi gripped the steering wheel tighter and rolled his eyes. "Ah ha, ah ha, shut up."

Finally, Hidan scrambled into the van and Itachi pulled off, rather quickly. Screams of terror were immediately heard and the sound of seat belts clicking rang throughout the van. Kohana had one clutching her seat belt firmly while the other touched Itachi's arm. "When was the last time you drove?"

"This is my first time!" Itachi smiled wickedly from ear to ear.

"WHAT?!"

Somehow, Itachi managed to weave the van in and out of traffic, narrowly missing and not hitting a thing. At a light before the on ramp to the highway, Itachi slammed on the brakes to avoid running a red light. Immediately, protests began to have Itachi ejected from the driver's seat. Itachi ignored the yelling and rocking of his outraged passengers and looked out the window.

"HEY UCHIHA!"

Itachi did a double take and found Might Gai and Rock Lee sitting in a turtle green Volkswagen next to them, preparing to turn. "Oh. My. God. Ew."

"I see you're driving now!" Gai nodded his head like an idiot.

"I see you still have a horrible fashion sense." Itachi called back. Gai frowned and looked down at his trademark green jumpsuit. The light turned green and both cars surged forward, going in their opposite directions.

"Way to go Itachi!" Deidara cheered. "You tell show those fashion rejects who's boss, yeah!"

Itachi smiled triumphantly and pressed down on the gas a little harder, guiding the van onto the freeway at nearly 110 miles per hour.

"SLOW DOWN, ITACHI, SLOW DOWN!!!"