Akatsuki Vs. Wal-Mart #513

When Itachi pulled into the parking lot, it was pure chaos. He barely had time to put the van in park before crying men poured out and fell to the ground with joy. Tobi literally kissed the ground repeatedly in a way that would make his imaginary lover Hannah Montana jealous and outraged. The freeway had been left a post-nuclear bomb mess. From what Kohana had observed alone, he managed to run a bus of elderly people completely off the road, caused an entire lane to wreck out after cutting off someone in the next lane who served to avoid hitting the van thus hitting a truck, and caused two police cruisers to crash into each other when he suddenly slammed on the brakes as they were trying to force him to stop his vehicle.

Tenshi shakily got out with help from an equally petrified Arai, both of their hair completely out of control. Sirens and screams could be heard in the distance along with the smell of burning metal and rubber tainting the air.

Kakuzu inspected the van thoroughly and gave Itachi a brief pat on the shoulder. "Good work, kid."

Itachi's chest puffed out in pride. "Thank you. At someone recognizes talent." He glared at those who'd fallen on the ground. Deidara, who'd mistakenly eaten before getting in the van, stood away from the group, upchucking the contents of his stomach.

"Yes, Itachi." Zetsu muttered taking deep breaths to stop from hyperventilating. "It takes true talent to nearly kill everyone you come in contact with on the road and emerge unscathed."

Once everyone had managed to calm down, Kohana called for their attention. "Okay. Since the list is so big, we're going to split up into teams of two and shop for the items we need. Once you have everything you need, go back up front next to the deli and produce area and wait for the others."

"Okay, Ko-chan!" Tobi saluted her in a sing song voice.

Kohana ignored him. "Pair up."

It was a gruesome process but somehow it was done without much yelling and hair pulling. Deidara paired himself with Itachi without any protest from Itachi. Tobi picked Kohana. Kisame agreed to partner up with Hidan under the conditions he was limit his sacrificial rituals. At this Kohana made Hidan promise to wait until they had at least checked out and were on the way to the van before he drew any blood from himself or others. For some unknown reason, Tenshi agreed to be Sasori's shopping partner. A little voice screamed itself hoarse at this but Kohana ignored it. Arai was left with either picking Zetsu or Kakuzu. Before she could say anything, Kakuzu headed off towards the store's entrance. So much for the choice.

"Okay everyone." Kohana led the group inside. "Please, please, behave yourselves. If for whatever reason you find yourself lost, please go straight to customer service and call for me."

Kohana Kurama, can you please come to customer service? Your party is waiting.

"The hell?!" Kohana looked around as if to see the person who was calling her and sighed. "Honestly, I haven't been in here long enough…" She looked over the sea of customers and check stands and found the big blue Customer Service sign. "You all can go ahead. Tobi, come on."

Tobi grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "Okay." Sometimes it was very hard to forget that he was a grown man.

At customer service, Kakuzu stood there with a sales paper. The associate at the counter looked at Kohana with exasperation. "Are you Kohana?"

Kohana nodded. "What—"

"Take him and keep him with you, please." Traci said.

"What happened?" Kohana looked from Kakuzu to Traci.

"This ingrate refused to show me to every sales item in the sales ad!" Kakuzu shouted. Kohana shushed him with her hands then rubbed his back.

"Well, that's fine. Tobi and I don't have much to get so we don't mind."

"But if the item that's advertised doesn't match the price then I'll still have to come find you." Kakuzu complained.

Traci frowned. "No. You can call a manager. Dispute the prices with one of them. I'm clocking out for the day." With that, Traci grabbed her hand bag and left.

Kohana turned to Kakuzu. "Well, way to go, Stitch."

"Shut up, Lilo."