What to Do?

It’s been a month since I’ve said goodbye to Justin.
I’ve made sure that he couldn’t come near me. Shows, everything. We couldn’t be in the same building, everything. He tried calling my phone, so I changed numbers.

I’ve become what I’ve hated the most.
Being Fake.
I put on that huge Fake Smile for everyone to see. Though everyone that knew me well enough knew that when you look into my eyes, you could see the pain.

I spent a week in New York after that. I’ve had my publicist take car eof everything, and not commenting on it. The video broke out, but 75% of America was on my side. Caitlin started it. I’m still in contact with Ryan and Chaz, and they promised not to let Justin know. I can’t lose friends just because of a stupid guy.

I talked to the management. I asked for a break. They immediately approved it because I said it was for school. They said that it wont change anything in my contract and I could come back anytime and they’d make me a huge star again. I know I will be forgotten after a few months, and so did they. I was one of the best, they had said with a smile. And they would do anything to let me keep living my dream.

“Stephanie, please come out”, I heard Vee say outside my door.
“It’s open you know”, I laughed.
“Don’t laugh. It hurts my ears”, she told me tearing up.
“What?”, I smiled.
“God damn it! Fucking stop! Okay?!”, she yelled at me
I looked at her.
“I know you’re fucking faking your damn laughs and smiles! I’m your best friend!”, she wailed and cried.
“Why are you crying?”, I asked, hugging her.
“Because I cant take it! You’re in so much pain and I cant do anything about it!”, she cried harder.
“What’s happening?”, Matt asked popping his head in my room.
“Vee’s crying”, I said.
“Why?”, he asked crouching down and hugging her too.
I shrugged. I looked at him and his eyes were red. “Why are your eyes red?”, I asked.
“They are? Must be the allergies”, he said and picked Vee off the floor and carried her downstairs.
I just closed my door and went back to bed.

“Princess?”, I heard Jake say.
I opened my eyes slowly. “What?”, I groaned.
“You okay?”, he asked.
“Yeah, why?”, I asked.
“You’ve been crying since 10pm. In your sleep”, he said.
“Oh, sorry. Did it wake you?”, I asked and wiped the tears off my cheeks. I didn’t notice. I haven’t had a dream in a month. Since that night.
“You’re apologizing for waking me up because you’re crying?”, he scoffed.
“Why are YOU crying?”, I asked. I just noticed.
“You’re not the only one crying Steph”, he laughed. I looked at him curiously. “Come on downstairs”, he said and I nodded.

“Stephanie?”, Nate asked. They were all crying.
“What happened?”, I asked.
“You and Justin”, Matt mumbled.
“What does that have to do with anything?”, I wondered.
“Steph, don’t you get it?”, Kylie asked sobbing. “It hurts us to see you like that! You’re an actress, you’re a performer. You can act like you’re happy, but we know you well enough and we see the pain in your eyes, and it’s like ripping our hearts out of our chests”, she sobbed and hugged Jake.

I sighed. “I’m sorry guys”
“Sorry?! Are you kidding?! You’re already the victim, and you’re saying sorry?!”, Nate asked hysterically.
“You’re the most selfless person I know”, Matt said giving me a hug.
I started to cry. “I’m sorry guys. I’ll try to get out more, okay?”, I smiled.
They groaned. “Please don’t do that”, Jake mumbled.
I frowned. “I cant smile?”, I asked.
“No, unless you mean it”, Vee mumbled.
I sighed. “I’m gonna go to sleep. You guys get rest too”, I said and walked back upstairs.

I’ve managed to avoid Justin for 4 months now. I’m done with the movie, the soundtrack and my last album for awhile.

This album goes off to all my friends. Jake, Nate, Vee, Kylie and Matt. I love you guys. I could’ve never have had the courage to follow my dreams without you. Thank you for keeping me on the ground and staying ‘Stephanie’, you didn’t let me change. You guys have always had my back and you know that I’ll always have yours. I wanna thank my parents, that even though they’re not here physically, I know they support me in whatever decision I make. I wanna thank them for teaching me how to make my decisions and stand by them. Carl, thank you for belileving in me, for not giving up o me even if I'm very stubborn. Thank You for everything. This album will not be possible without you. My fans, thank you for supporting me throughout my career. I know I’ve had some faults, but you never gave up on me. When the media says something about me, you speak up to defend me. Thank You. This is my last album for awhile. I’ll be taking a break. I will miss you all, and I hope when I do come back, you will all still support me. This also goes out to you. You know who you are. And everyone knows who you are. This is for you. Thank You. Now I know WHAT TO DO.

“Hey steph?”, Carl said walking into my room.
“Yes?”, I asked looking up from my desk.
“They approved your leave, so where are you going off to?”, he asked.
“Okay, but when you come back, come find me. We’ll get you up running again”, he smiled.
I just smiled back.
He started walking away, when I called his name.
“Yes?”, he said turning around.
“Thanks”, I said. He gave me a questioning look.
“For what?”
“Everything”

I was laying down on my bed listening to the Radio.
“Hey everyone, Stephanie’s new single has been released. It’s been confurmed that she IS taking a break. We will sure miss her. Here’s “your song”, playing”, the announcer said. I closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics

It starts with a smile ,
Ends with a kiss
You feel like you've found the light ..
Pfft chyeaaa right ,
You kidding me?
And with that thing called love ,
you juss cant see.
That it just cant be ,
Coz love doesnt exist me .

And you think this is a fairytale?
Uh no, baby no.
This is all wrong ,
Because you shouldnt believe every love song

The pain You put me through,
I just cant keep holding on to nothing .
And i just cant look back at you
Without having to hear my heart breaking

STUCK IN THE MOMENT ,
You sang that ONE TIME ,
You said ill be ONE LESS LONELY GIRL ,
Because everytime U SMILE,
I remember our FIRST DANCE

You threw me OVERBOARD ,
And went EENIE MEENIE
When you said I’LL NEVER LET YOU GO
Because we'll go nowhere but UP
If only you'd love me .

You said i was your FAVORITE GIRL,
Because i was DOWN TO EARTH,
And because we're BIGGER ,
We could go KISS AND TELL.
And nothing would change.

Now i look at you ,
BABY, you're my RUNAWAY LOVE ,
Amd that chic you're with?
THAT SHOULD BE ME

And you think this is a fairytale?
Uh no, baby no.
This is all wrong ,
Because you shoudnt believe every love song..

But I’ll always still believe you.
Believe those love songs.
Because I’ll always love you….