Crash

When I woke up it was sometime around three a.m. I got up to put my pajamas on and that’s when I saw Alec. His bedroom was directly beside mine, and he was working out on some kind of exercise machine. I laughed to myself wondering who works out at three in the morning. I went to the bathroom, changed, scribbled in my diary, then went back to bed.

Dear Diary, (Early September 2, 2009)
Alec works out at 3 a.m. haha
Very interesting…
-Ky

The nightmare started again just as it always had…one minute we’re talking and laughing the next minute I’m crawling towards her. This time she said something different. When she grabbed my shirt she pronounced “Weber.” I shot up out of the dream panting and sweating like I just ran a marathon. I washed my face and realized it was six a.m. I got dressed for school, then headed downstairs where Alec was already waiting for me. We got into the truck, and I looked over at him while saying “So why do you work out at three in the morning?” His face turned a little red as he announced “I couldn’t sleep. Why were you up at three in the morning?” I looked down and stated “I couldn’t sleep either.” There was a long awkward pause, he drew in a breath as he asked “So who is Sam and why are you sorry?” I simply pulled out my wallet, and unfolded the article that changed my life forever. We sat in the student parking lot for a long time as he read it and reread it, as if to make sure he was reading correctly.

He looked over and asked “You were the other girl?” I looked down as the tears formed before I replied “Yes, I don’t remember much, I simply remember her hanging there with only me by her side as she drew in her last breath.” He put an arm around me and whispered “I’m so sorry Kyleigh. But it wasn’t your fault, you shouldn’t beat yourself up like this.” I wiped the tears away and said “But I wasn’t supposed to drive that night, Weber was.” He looked at me quizzically and then there was a knock on the window. Of course it was Kenadie, she was smiling that stupid smile and said “Come on love birds don’t want to be late, you don’t want to make that mistake again.” I could have reached through the window and strangled her but somehow by some miracle I restrained myself.

Dear Diary, (September 2, 2009)
W-E-B-E-R.
He was supposed to drive.
Why did he go to the other party?
Why did he leave us?
Why did he race?
Why?
-Ky

At lunch Alec joined me between the bookcases and said “So what is up with you and that Kenadie girl?” I shook my head and answered “Sam, Kenadie, and I used to be best friends in middle school but when we got here she left us in the dust and decided to gain her status by putting us down.” He mumbled something under his breath but before I could ask I got that funny feeling again.

I turned to look at the window, and there was Sam, she looked like she was crying red tears. Then I realized it was blood. I must have grabbed Alec’s arm because he started shaking me asking me what was wrong. I turned around to look at him, I could tell the tears were already dropping, and he simply pulled me close and stroked my hair as I cried. I know that I must sound like a baby with all the crying but every time I saw Sam it was like a fresh knife wound to my heart.

As we walked to class I noticed that Alec’s hand was bruised, but I didn’t have time to ask why because the teacher immediately handed out a test. After school we ran to the truck to escape the cold, pounding rain. I looked down at his hand again and said “Did you get into a fight recently or hit a wall?” He looked down at his hand and whispered “No.” He pulled his sleeve over his hand as if to cover it but I knew it was there pulsing with every beat of his heart.

Before I got out of the truck I turned to him and said “I know that we don’t know each other that well, but you’re the closet thing to a friend that I have had since Sam. Thank you for everything. Would you like to come inside?” He smiled and said “No problem I hope that one day that closest to a friend thing becomes just a friend thing.” I giggled then he said “Yea, but here take my jacket.” He slipped it off quickly, and I pulled it on. It was warm and smelled like Axe body wash.

We ran inside and mom was in the kitchen, I told her that we were going to study and asked if she could make us a snack. She smiled a sly grin and said, “Of course sweetie.” He followed me upstairs, and we sat on my futon. We didn’t say much other than the questions on the study guide, at first.

After mom brought us some carrots and ranch dressing, Alec looked up and said “So that’s how you saw me working out?” I looked up at the window and laughed. Looking at him right here in my room was unbelievable, he was really good looking. He was definitely not the type of guy who was normally interested in me, and yet he had that tortured look in his eyes that I knew all too well.

When we finally finished our homework it was still pouring rain outside. He looked up and saw a picture of me and Sam in the fourth grade. He looked back down to me and said “So who is Weber?” I inhaled slowly and said “That is Sam’s brother, he was supposed to drive us home that night, but he and his girlfriend were at another party, and really high on some drug. We thought that we would be ok to drive home alone, but the college boys were racing. They didn’t even see us coming around the curve…” I tried to push the tears back, and continued, “The next morning when I woke up in the hospital I learned that Weber was one of the college boys in the other car. He believed that he killed his little sister so he committed suicide a week later. Sam’s mother was crushed, and her father was never in the picture. Her mother moved back to her hometown a month after the wreck.” I couldn’t hold back any longer so I just let them fall yet again. “The last thing Weber told me was that he was sorry for taking Sam away from me, and that he hoped that I could move on unlike he could.” Alec put his arm around me and I collapsed against him.

After a few minutes I looked up at him and said “You are the first person that I have told the entire story to, and I know that your thinking it is not my fault but I think it is.” He stroked my hair lightly and asked “Why do you think that?” I said “Because I still see her.” He looked at me funny as I continued “She haunts my dreams, and she is starting to haunt my reality. I can’t go a day without seeing some sign of her there.” He looked at me and murmured “I know exactly what you mean.”

Before I could ask anything else he had swooped in to kiss me. His lips first softly brushed mine as if testing whether I wanted it or not. When I didn’t pull back he kissed me so sweetly, it was unlike any other kiss I had ever had before. I closed my eyes and drank in his smell, the softness of his lips, and then he looked down at me and smiled. He said “I’m so glad I finally found you.”

I looked kind of puzzled as he said “I have a story similar to yours except my dad had gotten drunk at a bar, and we had to go pick up my little sister, Abigail, from daycare. I thought he was ok to drive so we picked her up, and on the way home he flipped my mom’s SUV. We lived, Abigail didn’t. It happened five years ago and my mom still has not forgiven me for letting him drive, and I don’t blame her. About a year ago he died from alcohol poisoning, but I knew when we moved here that I was going to find that one person whom I could relate to.” Tears welled up in his eyes as I gently turned his face toward mine and faintly spoke “It wasn’t your fault either, and besides you were just a kid you didn’t know what was going to happen.” He smiled weakly and whispered softly “If only we could have known.”