Never Forgotten

The steady rain pounded down on the Earth like the beat of a drum, deafening to the ears and disheartening to look at. The trees lining the small squared off area dripped steadily with the tears from the heavens, as the stone sentiments of Death's victims lay quietly below. A lone, shadowy figure kneeled in the back corner of the cemetery, hunched over in front of a newer looking tombstone.

She was drenched to the bone, her once light red sweatshirt was now the deep color of rust from the heavy downpoor. Her back shook slightly, moved from the deep sobs that were lost to the wind. In her right hand she clutched a piece of paper that had also been drenched from the rain. The black ink had run like trails of blood, but it didn't matter that the words were now illegible, because the girl knew them all by heart.

Dear to Whom it May Concern,

There are several reasons justifying what I am about to do and I would like to make each and every one clear. I would also like to make it clear that this is no one's fault but my own, and I want to make this as painless as possible for everyone.

As painless as possible, the girl thought. She clenched her fists so hard that her knuckles turned white. How could he have believed he could make this painless?

To my family: This is no one's fault but my own. It's not anyone's fault that I am unhappy with my life. I feel like I have no one who really understands me, who really understands and can empathize with me. I hate that. I hate that whenever I need to talk to someone, the fear of being mocked or misunderstood held me back. I was afraid you would think something was wrong with me and send me away. Hell, something is wrong with me, but I didn't want you to know that.

How could he have though anything was wrong with him? He had been the perfect child, the girl thought angrily. She had wanted to be just like him all throughout their childhood. Every phase he went through she had mirrored, all in an effort to be just like her big brother.

To Mom and Dad: I want you to know that you never did anything wrong. You were the best parents anyone could ask for. You gave me everything you could, and it's not your fault that what I needed was more than you could give. I love you so much, I just want you to always remember that.

They couldn't give him what he needed? What the hell could he need? The girl's thoughts were an angry whirlwind by now. How dare he say he loved them, yet he still did this to them? He had ripped apart more than one heart that day.

To all my friends: I appreciate so much all the love and support you have given me through the years. I loved growing up with you and watching you all develop into the wonderful people you are today. My only regret is not being able to see what becomes of you later in your lives, though I am positive that it will only be great things.

His only regret, and he would be the only one causing it.

To Nana and Poppa: I will always remember summers spent with you. Nana, you were one of the only people I ever felt comfortable confiding in. You gave me more good advice that I can count, and I am so grateful for that. Poppa, who could ever ask for a better grandpa? You taught me everything, from picking locks, to how to grill a hamburger, and you gave me my very first driving lesson around the block (I'm still sorry about that scratch). I love you both so much.

If he really loved them he wouldn't leave. How could he remember them still if he was gone forever? Fresh tears filled the girl's eyes as she remembered the part of the letter dedicated solely to her.

And last but not least, to Annie: You were the best kid sister I could ask for. I'll admit that you annoyed me at times, what with your constant following me around, but what better form of flattery is there than copying? I know that you will grow up to be the best actress that the world has ever seen, how else would you be able to get everything you want with just a bat of the eyelashes?

Annie, I know you're probably furious with me. Actually, I know that you're definately furious with me. I also know that you probably won't ever understand my reasoning, nor do I think that you really want to try and understand. I just want you to keep two things in mind. The first is that I love you unconditionally, and that I hope you still feel the same about me even after what I have to do. The second is that I don't want you to be too upset about all of this. I just want you to remember me. I want you to promise me that one thing; I won't be forgotten.

The girl was sobbing and hiccuping quietly now. Her part of the letter had been by far the longest and the most heartbreaking. She was furious with him. How dare he say that he loves everyone so much yet he had the heart, or lack there of, to do this to his friends and family. How dare he tell her he wanted her to love him still? How dare he tell her to not forget him? How dare he even think either of those needed to be required of her? For no matter how desperately furious she was with him, Annie could never hate her brother. Not for a solid lenght of time at least.

The letter was trembling slightly in her hands, still clenched in front of her. She sat in the mud, head bowed against the wind, imaging her brother's voice as she remembered the very last line of the letter.

I love all of you, never forget that, and in return I wish to never be forgotten by any of you. I want to be remembered, and that is the only thing I ask of this life.

Much Love, Ricky

The girl stood gave one last silent prayer to the stone marker. She slowly walked away, fading into the darkness of the cemetery. The gray tombstone sat as if staring after her retreating back, the words engraved into it gleaming through the mist like a beacon.

R.I.P. Ricky Henry Swanson. Beloved son, brother, and friend. You will never be forgotten.