Find A Way

Chapter Three.

The blackness for what seemed forever seemed so comforting, until there was a few cold drops falling onto my face. It started to bring me around from that somewhat “happy place”.
I groaned as my eyes slowly started to open, vision blurry and hazed, the reality of the outside world came hurtling back to me.

I slowly sat up, looking around me; it was pitch black outside, and I was alone, with nothing but deserted silence, all but apart from a owl hooting in the distance, not far from where I'd laid.
Rubbing my head, I pulled myself to my feet and made a slow trek back to Wayside Cottage – my home. The rain hailed down alongside every step I took, it being my only true friend who only left me on sunny days.

Not before long, the dying, old oak tree came into sight and I climbed it, before climbing the conservatory roof and up through my open window. I closed the open window behind me and threw off my soaked clothing into a messy pile in the corner of my blackened out room, only light coming into the room was the full moon, high up in the sky outside.

I laid out on the swing bed I had tucked away in one corner of my room and closed my eyes, ignoring the rain drips falling from my wet hair. Goodnight, world. I'll see you in the sour morning.

My eyes flickered open when there was a bright sensation burning through my closed eyelids. I groaned, it must've been morning already! I slipped out of my swing-bed and lazily made my way into the bathroom to make myself look somewhat alive.
When I'd finished showering, applying make up and throwing on any clothes I'd find on the floor, I trailed off down the stairs.

My family was all ready to leave; everything downstairs was packed away and gone, there was removal people outside, ready to take away the furniture left upstairs for overnight purposes. I sighed underneath my breath and sat on a stair, resting my head against the railings.

“Ann-Marie, it's time to go.” My dad perked up, urging me to remove myself from the staircase. I nodded grimly and came down the rest of the stairs.

I went to head out the front door, behind the rest of my family, but stopped and turned around, taking one final look at what'd been my family home ever since I could toddle, this was breaking my heart. It wasn't fair; I didn't want to leave this place behind, for somebody else to start afresh. This was my home.

I brushed away a few tears and walked to my dad's Jeep. I climbed into the back and flicked on my MP3 as he pulled out of the drive....for the last time. Forever. I watched as our driveway got further and further away into the distance, until it vanished out of my eyesight.
I sighed again and looked away from the back window, beginning to lose myself in the song that started to play.

Somehow, I felt this song was made for me. It summed up how I felt. Not that anybody cared; I had nobody and the world knew it. Everyone who knew me found it hilarious. I was the biggest joke in the world.

Darling, I know your heart seen better times
I know our songs have better rhymes, before today
Darling, I guess I made the wrong mistakes
I understand if you need your space
Please take your time

I watched Piers Mont High School flash by the car, even if I hated the place, it was going to be odd leaving that behind. It held all my failures, my successes and my dreams. My hopes and fears. My bullies. It made me realise that, even if I had hard, painful times, they were trying to make me stronger. I had to be stronger, from this moment onwards.

Before you go away,
So far away
You need to realize

The melody of the song enchanted me away from the harshness of today's events, away to a world of memories; happy memories amongst broken memories and so many thoughts of what New Jersey was going to be like. Maybe moving away from Rome was the answer. Maybe I was going to have a better life in the near-by future.

Baby it's not just you,
You know it hurts me too
Watching you leave with tears on your sleeve
Notice that mine are not exactly dry
Baby it's not just you,
That's hurting, it's me too

Crystal Roma Park came into sight as dad stopped at a red light. I looked at the autumn leaves falling from the trees, as the crisp wind blew them up into the air, making them fly for a little while, to gently land in the damp grass. This is where Gerard met Kat and further destroyed my life. But this place was so special to me. Gerard took me here daily when I was little. Oh, those days when he wanted me...

I'm sorry, I wasn't there to catch the fall
I didn't hear you when you've called
All of those nights,
Please don't forget the good days with me
I can make back the heart aching beat
When it gets dark and it's hard to see,
I'll turn on the lights, so

The city centre was flying past outside the car window, people were briskly walking with bags of shopping in their hands, or little children in one hand, a pram being pushed with the other. I'd rarely come here. I'd just realised the centre's true beauty. And I was leaving that behind, too. I felt my tears well with burning tears. They was going to stay in my blue eyes though.

Before you go away,
So far away
I really need you to know

Soon enough, the centre was gone, just like Wayside Cottage. Dad was turning at a junction for the airport. This would be the last time I'd see Rome ever again. Café Á'Roma came into view. I felt the tears grace my pale cheeks. This is where I ran too to escape my bullies. This is where they also beaten me to a pulp.

Baby it's not just you,
You know it hurts me too
Watching you leave with tears on your sleeve
Notice that mine are not exactly dry
Baby it's not just you,
That's hurting, it's me too

I never thought leaving behind the place I'd hated for so long would hurt this much; I couldn't imagine the thought of never visiting any of the places we'd driven past earlier on again. It was tearing my heart in two.

I'm not giving up
You don't have to leave
I am willing to beg 'till I break my knees
I believe in us, don't give up on me
Girl I know that you're hurting
And I'm sorry for the pain
I promise that I'll change
Forgive me, forgive me

Soon enough we were aboard the first class jet, and was sat in our seats. Our plane was just taking off, up high into the air, never to return us here again. Oh, cruel fate. I looked through the window at the cloudy sky, the thought of my “safe zone” being fully deserted now, it made me feel guilty. I guess I'd kept that park company, as much as it's squeaky swings had done so for me.

Baby it's not just you, (just you)
You know it hurts me too (cause I love you)
Watching you leave with tears on your sleeve (don't you notice)
Notice that mine are not exactly dry (not exactly dry)
Baby it's not just you, (it's not just you babe)
You know it hurts me too
We had it all, how could we fall?
Baby I thought we would never die

I had fallen asleep on the flight over to New Jersey, with the song repetitively playing in my dreams. It was actually playing down my ears, but it'd entered my dreams too. I however got snatched from my pleasant dreaming, when I got shook awake by my mother, to say we'd arrived.

I sulkily got up out my seat and got off the plane. I climbed into the taxi, to be taken to our “new home”. What a heart breaker. I wanted my park so badly right. The thought of solace and loneliness seemed so comforting right now, but so, so far from my grip. Fuck this world.

Baby it's not just you
That's hurting, it's me too

Not just you,
Baby it's not just you, Baby it's not just you .

The taxi pulled up outside a rather deserted suburb, outside number 49. There was a sign on the gate. “Wayside Grove.” I read aloud to myself, looking at the peach colored house.

So this place was going to be my new family home? I grunted, the house looked grim, lifeless and cold. Exactly my feelings towards it right now, too. Okay, fair point, it looked nasty outside, but inside it could be so welcoming. I didn't want to give it that chance though. I didn't even want to be HERE!

I was ready to carry on the ranting inside of my head, but something, or rather, someone caught my eyes. A young girl, to be exact. She was wearing all black, just like me, and had shoulder length brown hair. Her fringe was covering over her stunning brown eyes that matched her perfect hair. She looked sad, and lonely. She had nobody walking home with her. No friends of hers to call her own, so it seemed.

“ANN-MARIE! COME ON!” Mikey barked, already in the gates and waiting impatiently for me to get out of the taxi. I was the only one left inside the vehicle and dad had already paid.

I gingerly got out the vehicle, slammed the door, slipped my hands into my hoodie pockets and walked through the gate, looking over my shoulders to try find that girl who caught my eyesight though. But she was gone. Nowhere to be seen. I sighed and entered the abandoned house that was soon to be cluttered with all of our shit. I had my first day of school tomorrow.

Oh the joys.