‹ Prequel: Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
Forever Yours
Broken
“Do you think it was a good idea to leave Matt with Charles?” Rachel asked me as she sat with Zack and me at our table. I had made coffee and we were each drinking a cup.
“Rachel, my father may have been really horrible to me, but I don’t believe that he would ever hurt Matt,” I said.
“Rain’s right,” said Zack. “He hurt Rain because he was afraid of what he didn’t understand. He would never hurt Matt.”
“I was just so caught off guard with what you told me that I couldn’t stay there for one minute.”
“Listen, has he ever threatened you or made you feel threatened?” I asked.
“No, no you’re right. Thanks you guys,” she said. She took a nervous sip of her coffee.
“Look, I didn’t mean to scare you,” I said. “I was just so frustrated about him that I couldn’t help myself.”
“But if you didn’t tell me, do you really thing Charles would’ve?”
“I can’t tell you that,” I said.
She sighed and took another sip of her coffee. “I just don’t know what to do. How do I stay with him now that I know that he almost killed you?”
“But he didn’t kill me. If he had he wouldn’t be here today and you wouldn’t have Matt—all because Zack stopped him.”
“You guys are really great. I would love to let Matt come here for few days.”
“Its okay, Rachel. My father doesn’t feel comfortable with him staying here and he’s Matt’s father too, so…it’s okay. There’s plenty of ways for Matt and I to spend time together.”
“You’re a really good man, Rain.” She finished her coffee. “I think I’m ready to go home now.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Positive,” she said.
Rachel said goodbye and thank you to Zack and she and I left. We sat in the car silently on the way back to her house. When we got there, she walked inside, but came back out. I was about to leave. She got back in the car.
“He wants to talk to you,” she said.
“No,” I said.
“He seems really insistent.”
“No,” I repeated.
“Rain, I know how you feel about this. But he is your father and if this doesn’t get resolved soon, I don’t know what I’m going to tell Matthew when he grows up and sees that his brother and his father are constantly at each other’s throats.”
I sighed. “That was a low blow—bringing up Matt.”
“Look, maybe if you sit and talk this out with your father you can find some kind of middle ground.”
“I’m gonna talk with Charles, but only because I wanna help Matt.”
“Good, come on. I’ll go with you.”
We got out of the car and walked into the house. Charles was waiting for me in the living room. Rachel and I walked in and sat across from him. Then she got up.
“I’ll go make some coffee.”
Rachel left and I looked at my dad and he looked at me.
“You wanted to talk?” I asked.
“Look, I know that what I’ve done to you is the most horrible thing that anyone can do to a person. But you have to believe that I’m deeply, deeply regretful and sorrowful for what I did.”
“What exactly do you want from me, Charles?”
He sat up straight and cleared his throat. “You’ve never called me Charles before.”
“Just tell me what you want from me.”
“Absolution,” he answered. “I just want to be free of this tension between us.”
Rachel came back with the coffee.
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that when you were on top of me, beating me to a pulp on the foyer floor.”
“How are we supposed to get passed this if you keep bringing it up.”
“I’m sorry dad, I guess when I see you I just can’t shake the image of your fist flying into my face.”
“I know this is difficult, but please, Rain. You’re my son.”
“All of a sudden I’m your son. When I came out you didn’t want anything to do with me. You tried to beat the gay out of me and now I’m your son.”
“I’m sorry, Rain. What can I do to make up for it?”
“Don’t try to make up for it, dad, because—you know what?” I leaned in close to him. “I am never going to forgive you for what you did to me—for what you did to mom and Jenna. It wasn’t just me that was affected by what you did to me. Mom was completely broken after what you did.” I sighed, keeping my tears back. “I’m leaving now. Tell Matt I said I’ll see him later.”
I walked out of the house and I was glad that Rachel didn’t follow me. I just drove. I almost missed the turn for my apartment building. When I walked into my apartment, Zack had lunch ready—two grilled cheese sandwiches.
“Hey baby,” he said when I walked in. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. I sat with Zack at the counter. I gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’m okay. I just had a talk with my father.”
“What did he have to say now?”
“He wanted me to forgive him. He wanted to get past what he did to me.”
“I cannot believe him.”
“Zack, thanks for lunch, but I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just gonna go lie down.”
“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead.” He kissed me on the lips, softly and lovingly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I walked to our bedroom and lay down on the bed. I curled up into the fetal position. About two minutes later, I felt Zack lay in the bed next to me. He threw his strong arms around me and I collapsed into them.
“Rachel, my father may have been really horrible to me, but I don’t believe that he would ever hurt Matt,” I said.
“Rain’s right,” said Zack. “He hurt Rain because he was afraid of what he didn’t understand. He would never hurt Matt.”
“I was just so caught off guard with what you told me that I couldn’t stay there for one minute.”
“Listen, has he ever threatened you or made you feel threatened?” I asked.
“No, no you’re right. Thanks you guys,” she said. She took a nervous sip of her coffee.
“Look, I didn’t mean to scare you,” I said. “I was just so frustrated about him that I couldn’t help myself.”
“But if you didn’t tell me, do you really thing Charles would’ve?”
“I can’t tell you that,” I said.
She sighed and took another sip of her coffee. “I just don’t know what to do. How do I stay with him now that I know that he almost killed you?”
“But he didn’t kill me. If he had he wouldn’t be here today and you wouldn’t have Matt—all because Zack stopped him.”
“You guys are really great. I would love to let Matt come here for few days.”
“Its okay, Rachel. My father doesn’t feel comfortable with him staying here and he’s Matt’s father too, so…it’s okay. There’s plenty of ways for Matt and I to spend time together.”
“You’re a really good man, Rain.” She finished her coffee. “I think I’m ready to go home now.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Positive,” she said.
Rachel said goodbye and thank you to Zack and she and I left. We sat in the car silently on the way back to her house. When we got there, she walked inside, but came back out. I was about to leave. She got back in the car.
“He wants to talk to you,” she said.
“No,” I said.
“He seems really insistent.”
“No,” I repeated.
“Rain, I know how you feel about this. But he is your father and if this doesn’t get resolved soon, I don’t know what I’m going to tell Matthew when he grows up and sees that his brother and his father are constantly at each other’s throats.”
I sighed. “That was a low blow—bringing up Matt.”
“Look, maybe if you sit and talk this out with your father you can find some kind of middle ground.”
“I’m gonna talk with Charles, but only because I wanna help Matt.”
“Good, come on. I’ll go with you.”
We got out of the car and walked into the house. Charles was waiting for me in the living room. Rachel and I walked in and sat across from him. Then she got up.
“I’ll go make some coffee.”
Rachel left and I looked at my dad and he looked at me.
“You wanted to talk?” I asked.
“Look, I know that what I’ve done to you is the most horrible thing that anyone can do to a person. But you have to believe that I’m deeply, deeply regretful and sorrowful for what I did.”
“What exactly do you want from me, Charles?”
He sat up straight and cleared his throat. “You’ve never called me Charles before.”
“Just tell me what you want from me.”
“Absolution,” he answered. “I just want to be free of this tension between us.”
Rachel came back with the coffee.
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that when you were on top of me, beating me to a pulp on the foyer floor.”
“How are we supposed to get passed this if you keep bringing it up.”
“I’m sorry dad, I guess when I see you I just can’t shake the image of your fist flying into my face.”
“I know this is difficult, but please, Rain. You’re my son.”
“All of a sudden I’m your son. When I came out you didn’t want anything to do with me. You tried to beat the gay out of me and now I’m your son.”
“I’m sorry, Rain. What can I do to make up for it?”
“Don’t try to make up for it, dad, because—you know what?” I leaned in close to him. “I am never going to forgive you for what you did to me—for what you did to mom and Jenna. It wasn’t just me that was affected by what you did to me. Mom was completely broken after what you did.” I sighed, keeping my tears back. “I’m leaving now. Tell Matt I said I’ll see him later.”
I walked out of the house and I was glad that Rachel didn’t follow me. I just drove. I almost missed the turn for my apartment building. When I walked into my apartment, Zack had lunch ready—two grilled cheese sandwiches.
“Hey baby,” he said when I walked in. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. I sat with Zack at the counter. I gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’m okay. I just had a talk with my father.”
“What did he have to say now?”
“He wanted me to forgive him. He wanted to get past what he did to me.”
“I cannot believe him.”
“Zack, thanks for lunch, but I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just gonna go lie down.”
“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead.” He kissed me on the lips, softly and lovingly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I walked to our bedroom and lay down on the bed. I curled up into the fetal position. About two minutes later, I felt Zack lay in the bed next to me. He threw his strong arms around me and I collapsed into them.