Chasing our Fate

I watched Nick eyes trace up and down my body, his expression unreadable. His hand slowly rested on the tiny marbled counter as he took a deep breath. The atmosphere in the room wasn’t heavy or very intense, just…different. I looked around the bus, focusing on the white board that hung on the door that led to the bunks.

His reaction didn’t surprise me and I was just relieved that he finally got there. To avoid the crowd, I opted to stay in the tour bus so we could be alone and he wouldn’t have anywhere to go if it turned sour. After a few minutes of silence and watching Nick gulp down his vitamin water as if he was dying of thirst, he finally sat down besides me on the leather couch. Before he said anything, Nick just sat with his elbows on his knees and hands on his chin, still not making eye contact with me. Josh, his tour bus driver entered the bus and informed us that he was taking off. As soon as we got on the highway, and my nerves growing more, Nick finally broke the thick silence.

“This week…I have probably cried more than a pregnant woman watching The Notebook…and that’s not something I’m proud of or wish to mention ever again…” he stated slowly. His voice was surprisingly weak, and raspy. He spoke at almost a whisper as he looked towards the ground.

“Nick I’m-“ I tried to say.

“Shhh,” he whispered, “Just wait…please...I just need to think.”

I obeyed his requests and sat back, not sure what to do. I carefully fought the urge to pull him into a hug and kiss him passionately because in my head, it made everything better, but I knew it wouldn’t help. Suddenly, Nick turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. I could see the desperate look in his eyes as they melted into mine. He gently took my hands and pulled them into his lap, intertwined with his.

"Promise me,” he stated, “Stephanie Paige Jameson, if you love me as much as I hope you do, promise me you’ll never do this again. You’ll never leave me without telling me, I don’t care if we had the biggest fight ever or your crazy grandmother broke her hip. You will never leave without telling me, because I-I just can’t. I wouldn’t be able to take it…baby…I need you more than anything in the world. I’m lost when I don’t know where you are or if you’re okay…I depend on you.”

I fought to hold back tears and nodded my head until he forced me to vocally agree.

“I promise,” I whispered.

Nick dropped my hands and sat back. “Good.”

“Nick…” I whispered, “I-I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I-I did it for Prince…he needed me. As soon as I got on the plane, I felt guilty for leaving like that and I was…embarrassed…scared…and just…nervous to talk to you. I didn’t know how you’d react. I’m sorry.”

Nick sighed and even smiled a little. “You…were scared of me?”

I guiltily shrugged and looked away so he didn’t see me blush. I slowly felt his hands snake around as he cupped my cheek and guided me towards his eyes. My eyes widened when his familiar soft lips found mine. Instantly, I melted into his embrace as he kissed me gently.

“Don’t ever be scared of me. I want you to be able to come to me, even if we’re fighting,” he murmured, “We’re best friends remember. We're a strong couple, and we need to be able to come to each other.”

I nodded and sighed.

“But, that doesn’t mean we’re out of the clear, you have explaining to do,” he stated.

“I know,” I replied, “but, you have to promise not to interrupt, okay?”

He nodded and urged me to proceed.

“Okay, so after I left your house, I went to my parents condo and I was so pissed at you still and everything, so I went for a walk and really wasn’t calming me down at all. So, then I just went to bed, then I kept tossing and turning so I called you, but you didn’t answer, which was understandable considering the circumstances of course. So, I was about to go over your house because after a while the guilt was killing me because I said some pretty mean things. As I was on my way, I got a phone call from my dad…and h-he told me that Prince had a massive stroke and I should try to home because he m-might not make it. Nick I fought my decision, but I honestly felt like I made the right decision for Prince. I wasn’t thinking about you or me.”

“You always do that,” he muttered, “you always put others before yourself…the people that need you the most. That’s what I love about you.”

“So…are you still mad?” I asked.

He sighed, running his hands through his curls. “No…I was at first…I was so mad…but, I’m still upset. I’m upset that you didn’t make an effort to talk to me until you physically showed up here. You should have talked to me the first chance you got. I had to call nearly everyone you know to even find out if you were okay and threaten Adam until he told me where you were in the first place. I didn’t like having to go through that just to find out about my girlfriend.”

“You’re right,” I whispered.

“I know,” he replied, “why didn’t you talk to me…the scared thing can’t be the only reason why…you know you scared me okay?”

I sighed and hesitated to reply. “Have you ever wanted to go back in time…and just relive your past?”

“Sometimes…but, I’m happy with the present…with you.” Nick answered.

“Well, Prince was my childhood, basically…and once I got home and realized that he wasn’t going to be around much longer…it made me realize that my childhood wouldn’t either and I wasn’t comfortable with that. I just wanted to go back…and at home, it was easy too,” I explained, “Did you know my room at my parents’ house has been the same since I was twelve? Yeah, so I just shut down…and pretended as if I was still twelve and Prince was okay. Which meant I didn’t know you or what a photo call was and I didn’t have my own personal assistant. College was just a distant dream and I didn’t have the stress I live with now. I didn’t mean to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to enter that world and that world in my room was so carefree…it was easier.”

“I kind of understand, but I don’t get why you would do that to me, I really thought it was over at one point.”

Guilt washed over me, causing me to tear up, but I refused to let them fall.

“I feel horrible about this, trust me,” I replied, “That’s why yesterday I realized that I couldn’t keep holding on to the past. I’ve always tried to keep time from going by and it never works. I just have to get over the fact that life is going to keep moving forward and thing’s are going to change. You try to tell me that time and time again and I guess I should listen. Look Nicholas, I love you and that’s never going to change, I’m not going anywhere whether you like it or not. You’re stuck with me.”

Nick failed at holding back a smile and playfully shoved me. We both burst in to laughter and giggles.

“I’m so upset about that. Because I’m one of those people who just hate being with the love of their lives but you know, I guess I’ll have to get used to it. Ugh, and I’ll have to put up with you kissing me all the time, and don’t get me started on the fact that I’m going to have to tell you how crazy you drive me and how much I love you. It’s going to be torture,” Nick stated sarcastically.

“Well, how do you think I feel? I’m going to have to deal with you bringing me flowers and telling me I’m beautiful like you always do,” I replied in the same playful tone, “…and then in the future I’ll have to shower you with kisses and look all cute and irresistible. You won’t be able to keep your hands off me. Now, that’s what I call torture.”

Nick’s laugh rang through the tour bus, causing my heart to flutter. It was nice to have my boyfriend back.

“I’m glad you came here…and I forgive you...for leaving…” Nick stated, “I really needed this…you…I was about to give up…I missed you.”

“Me too,” I replied softly, “I missed you too.”

“So, Prince… are sure you're okay with it?” he began.

I simply nodded. Nick pulled me into a much-needed tight hug and kissed my forehead. It brought me great comfort as he stroked my back, and held out on saying anything. I was so finished with sympathy and I was ready to get over his passing, but every girl likes to be babied by her significant other, especially me. Nick pulled me into his lap and continued to give me soft kisses and murmur sweet nothings into my ear. Feeling his slightly calloused hands against my skin felt better than a cashmere sweater, I was home.

“Nicholas…about the fight…” I began.

“Tomorrow…” he murmured. I cuddled up on top on Nick as he rested his eyes. The time was about three AM and we were slowly running out of energy. I sighed and closed my eyes, letting each stroke of Nick’s hands down my back lure me to sleep. Eventually, I fell asleep and I found myself in a bunk, fully clothed and perfectly tucked in. I smiled and turned to my side, not even bothering to change since it was dark and I was so comfortable. Nick’s gentle snoring and the sound of the road set me into a deep realm of sleep.

<->

“Okay…okay…Adam…I will sort it all out when I’m home okay baby?” Stevvie replied for the thousandth time, “Look, just put me on hold, call my manager and put us all on a conference call…and then get yourself a drink.”

I shook my head with a smile as I fixed both of us a cup of coffee.

“Having fun?” I asked as I set them down.

“Tons, anyone would while trying to reschedule over twenty appointments, meetings and interviews. I didn’t realize I did so much in one day and I’ve only been gone for a few days. My office is running around like their heads have been cut off and did you know how many messages Adam has taken? It’s crazy.”

“Look at my baby being all business woman-y, it’s pretty sexy,” I teased her. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before bringing my laptop over to the table. She scoffed and began a conference call with her people. We both quietly worked and sipped on our coffees for the rest of the morning. I was busy planning a couple of Administration gigs and preparing to begin my second year of college while Stevvie began to sort through her work. I thought it was funny that though both of us were clearly distracted by our work, it still felt good to have her there. Finally, we made it to Quebec and we immediately rushed to our hotel to shower and get ready for a couple of interviews. Stevvie stayed with me the whole time as we hopped from place to place and happily stayed in the background. My mood was great and even a little hyper as I completed interview after interview. When we had a quick photo call Stevvie made faces in the background so I’m sure those pictures will get a laugh out of our fans. Overall, everything was so much breezier with her there. Even Joe and Kevin agreed because she kept Jess and Dani company and helped take care of Maddie. Finally, we arrived at the venue and before the crowd or paparazzi. Stevvie still had work to do, so she opted to stay on the tour bus.

“Come in before five, so you don’t miss dinner” I informed her. We stood outside the back of the venue to talk.

“Okay, but you need to remember your satchel and your mother called, she said don’t forget to call the doctor,” she informed me.

I smiled, actually happy she was reminding me about things because it reminded me of my parents doing the same to each other. I could get used to that...I felt like we were married.

“Thank you baby,” I replied and pulled her into a quick kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied, giving me another quick kiss, “See you later.”

I walked back into the venue, completely happy with my life. Until I heard the familiar clicks of a paparazzi camera. When I turned around, I quickly located him and shrugged him off. They always manage to find us, but this time they were too late.