Decorus Phasmatis

Once I was confident no one had heard the draw opening I turned back to face its contents. There were several news articles, yellowing with age, some photographs, and a few other things. I picked up one of the news article. The headline read: Car Crash Kills Local Teen. The date on the top of the page was the 31st March. The article was written the day after I died. I turned my attention to the picture at the top of the page. There was my Sudan, in the middle of the intersection with another car rammed into the driver side, right where I would have been sitting. I watched the blue metal of my Ford meshing with the deep green metal of the other car. I took in the article quickly. They said they didn’t know which one of us was at fault. I don’t remember doing anything wrong, but it all happened so fast. The whole memory is blurry in my mind. I didn’t know who was in the other car. They always mentioned my name in the papers but never the other persons. I know it was another male a few years older than me but they say they wanted to respect his privacy. I suppose they didn’t need to respect my privacy, after all I was the one who was dead.

I picked up one of the photographs lying on top of the pile. It was a baby photo of Riley. Miriam was tickling her and Riley’s rosy baby cheeks are bunched up under her eyes as she smiles. I looked from Miriam to Riley and back again. I sighed as I took in my situation. Miriam and I used to be in love. She broke up with me, three days before my accident, because she wanted to be with someone else. Now I was dead, my image forever preserved as a nineteen year old, and I was in love with Miriam’s daughter.

I threw the photo back in the draw and slammed it shut in my anger. I stood invisible in the middle of the room as David came to investigate. Riley’s dad stood in the door way of the study and looked around. I used to resent him for marrying Miriam; I still loved her for so many years after I died. That’s the reason I began to haunt their house. Then Riley grew up and became the woman she is today and I fell in love again.

It will be my death day in two weeks. I had to prepare. On their death day, every ghost takes up their physical form again, just for a day. For the past two years, on my death day, I had tried to talk to Riley. But both years I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be with her for just a day and then disappear again. It would have hurt too much. This time is different. Riley already knows about me. In two weeks time it will be the 30th of March and I will take up my old form again for 24 hours. I will get to touch Riley for the first time. Hold her close to me and feel her breath on my skin.

Riley: I awoke with a start. I had had the most vivid dreams. My eyes darted around the room, searching for Eric. I sighed. I must have been dreaming this whole time. Eric was a dream. Xavier was a dream. My life was back to being normal. And boring.

I got out of bed and got ready for school. I kept expecting to see Eric, sitting on my bed, out by the stable, everywhere, anywhere. I should have trusted my own imagination to break my heart.

“What’s up, Riley?” I looked up at Laura. Her blue eyes filled with concern. “You’ve been really quiet all day.” I thought about it. What was the problem? It was just a dream. It was all just a dream. Was that really the source of my sadness?
“Nothing,” I said with surprise.
“Come on, Riles. I know you better than that. You don’t just get upset about nothing.” I shook my head, maybe a bit to viciously. I was angry at myself.
“No this time it’s really nothing.” I stood up from our lunch spot and walked away. I felt bad for leaving Laura like that, but if anyone would understand she would.

I went into the bathroom and cried. I sank down on the cubicle door and buried my face in my hands. I was so confused. Had I dreamt everything? Or was there a ghost in my house and a boy who I might actually like? I guess I would find out soon enough.

I got off the bus and trudged up the driveway, afraid I was arriving to an empty home. I unlocked the door of our house and headed straight for my bedroom. I dropped my bag on the floor and slumped onto my bed, staring up at the canopy of my four poster bed. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I thought it might just have been one of the tears that were now sliding steadily down my cheek, but it wasn’t a tear, it was a flower. A single red rose floated in the doorway of my bedroom. I sat up slowly, gazing at the rose.

“Eric?” I whispered whipping the water away from my eyes. Slowly he became more visible, starting off as an outline and ending up looking like any other person, only slightly translucent. “Eric,” I said again. I wanted to laugh. So I wasn’t dreaming. Unless I was still dreaming now? In that case I never wanted to wake up.
“I’m so sorry, Riley.” He said to me, handing me the rose.

Eric: It could have killed me, if I wasn’t already dead. To see her face strewn with tears, knowing I caused them. But to see her face light up like it did when I appeared, that could have revived me.

She was just sitting there, on her bed, looking at me. Her eyebrows furrowed a little bit, as if she was trying to make out if I was real. She looked down at the rose I gave her. She held it so delicately in her hands as she stroked the petals. Maybe it was because of the small thorns sprouting from its stem, or maybe it was because it was precious. I wish I could have frozen her in that moment forever. No. No I knew what that was like. To be frozen the same way forever. I would never want that for Riley.

“I thought I was dreaming.” She said finally, looking up from her flower. “I thought I had made you up. I can’t explain how I’m feeling right now.” She smiled. It was a soft, almost innocent smile.

“I just wanted you to know I’m sorry. For everything.”

“You’re already forgiven. You’ll always be forgiven.” She looked me in the eye. I would have shivered at the statement.

Riley soon returned to herself. She got over the shock and the confusion and she was happy again. After dinner she came and sat on her bed and just started talking. She knew I was there, even though she couldn’t see me.

“You know, sometimes I think I might be crazy,” she started.
“Why?” I asked reappearing.
“Well how do I know you’re real?” she asked. “I could have just made you up. Like an imaginary friend.” It was a good point. I knew how I might be able to convince her. I could show her the news paper articles. Not yet though. I don’t think it was time yet.
“I guess you’ll just have to trust me,” I said instead. “I am a ghost after all. I can’t lie. And I can tell you that I am real. As real as a ghost can be anyway...” Riley laughed.

“You might want to go to sleep soon,” I told her. We had been up talking for hours about school, books, life and death. It was now one o’clock in the morning. Riley had kept brining up new conversations. I think she was avoiding sleep.
“I can’t go to sleep,” she finally admitted. “Because if I go to sleep, you might be gone when I wake up. You don’t know what I went through today-” she looked quickly at the clock, “yesterday.” She corrected herself. “I don’t want to go through that again. I didn’t know if I was crazy. And when I thought you were gone I-” she cut herself off and gazed up at the canopy of her bed. “Will you stay with me?” she asked.
“Don’t I always?” I replied, smiling. She smiled back and closed her eyes slowly. I lay next to her, watching her sleep. All of a sudden her eyes flew open.
“Just checking that you’re still here,” she smiled and closed her eyes again. “Read to me?” she asked, her eyes still closed. I picked up her fairytale book and opened up to the story of The Princess and the Pea.

Riley: I listened to his voice as he read to me, listened to it rising and falling as the story went on. It was soothing, like the ocean, rhythmic. It let me know he was with my right up until the moment I fell asleep. I just hoped he was still there when I woke up. What was wrong with me? Was I in love with a ghost? Didn’t I know that it could never work? I didn’t care right now. I wanted to dream.