Status: Active
Scarred Angel
Permanent Fingerprints
My body is covered in fingerprints...Hers.
To me... they're permanent.
There's no taking it back...What she did, I have to live with.
But sometimes...At night...When I'm lying down in the dark..I remember her being there...right next to me...with her hands all over me...leaving her permanant fingerprints.
She knew what she did was wrong...and bad.
I sonder if she even felt bad about it...I wonder...if she even knows how much she screwed my life up.
Lately..I've been thinking about it a lot.
It's like...I can't even sleep at night...withought thinking about it...remembering how in that very room...in that very bed...she was doing that to me.
It's like...I can still feel her there...laying next to me...Leaving her permanent fingerprints on me.
****************************************************************************************************
"Lets play a game" she said right after we got into bed.
I could feel her breath on my skin.
"Okay" I said.
"Okay, but you have to promise me something" she whispered in the dark.
"Okay, what" I asked. Curious as to what she wanted.
"You can't tell anyone about our game. Its our game. Only we can know about it." she whispered, getting closer.
"Okay. I promise" I told her, eager to play this new, secretive game.
I trusted her. A pretty stupid thing to do, now that I think of it...
The first time, I felt terrified. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I remember, she went to sleep after that. I couldn't. I stayed up all night. Thinking...
I was only 7 years old.
The first couple of times, I didn't say a word.
I didn't exactly know what she was doing, but I did know that I didn't want her to do it.
"Do we HAVE to do this," I asked her.
"Why" She stopped and looked at me.
"Cuz I don't really like it and I don't want you to do it anymore", I confessed.
"Well then I guess you aren't really my best friend, cuz if you were, then you would let me" she said.
I wanted to cry.
"You ARE my best friend", I told her, holding back tears.
"Prove it". She said.
Those two words.
Those two words are what made me let her do it once more.
That went on for about 2 years.
I got used to it.
It made me feel like crap every single time.
I didn't know that what she was doing was bad.
I just knew that I didn't like it.
But I loved her.
I didn't want to lose my best and only friend.
So I let her.
Even though I hated it.
***************************** 9 Years Old *********************************
I'm sitting in the living room.
I can hear barney coming from another room.
My sister was only about 1 or 2.
I was flipping through the channels.
Degrassi. I thought. Never heard of it. I started watching it.
It was an episode where this girl, Paige, gets raped.
After that day, I knew that what she was doing was wrong.
But I was still scared to tell.
I heard the click of the tv turning off in my sister's room. That meant that everyone except for us were asleep.
I felt her body turn towards me, and I saw her reaching for my body.
"I don't want to do this", I blurted out. "I know it's not right, so please, not anymore. PLEASE"
"well, If you don't let me, I won't be your friend anymore, and I mean it", she said.
"well, if you do do it, I'll tell my mom, and you'll be in a lot of trouble" I told her.
"If you tell on me, then I'll tell my mom that you did it, and you know she'll believe me instead of you", she said, with anger in her voice.
I knew what she said was true. Her mom HATED me. Even though I was her own family, her own blood, she hated me.
That was the last time I let her do that.
And that time, I cried the whole time.
To me... they're permanent.
There's no taking it back...What she did, I have to live with.
But sometimes...At night...When I'm lying down in the dark..I remember her being there...right next to me...with her hands all over me...leaving her permanant fingerprints.
She knew what she did was wrong...and bad.
I sonder if she even felt bad about it...I wonder...if she even knows how much she screwed my life up.
Lately..I've been thinking about it a lot.
It's like...I can't even sleep at night...withought thinking about it...remembering how in that very room...in that very bed...she was doing that to me.
It's like...I can still feel her there...laying next to me...Leaving her permanent fingerprints on me.
****************************************************************************************************
"Lets play a game" she said right after we got into bed.
I could feel her breath on my skin.
"Okay" I said.
"Okay, but you have to promise me something" she whispered in the dark.
"Okay, what" I asked. Curious as to what she wanted.
"You can't tell anyone about our game. Its our game. Only we can know about it." she whispered, getting closer.
"Okay. I promise" I told her, eager to play this new, secretive game.
I trusted her. A pretty stupid thing to do, now that I think of it...
The first time, I felt terrified. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I remember, she went to sleep after that. I couldn't. I stayed up all night. Thinking...
I was only 7 years old.
The first couple of times, I didn't say a word.
I didn't exactly know what she was doing, but I did know that I didn't want her to do it.
"Do we HAVE to do this," I asked her.
"Why" She stopped and looked at me.
"Cuz I don't really like it and I don't want you to do it anymore", I confessed.
"Well then I guess you aren't really my best friend, cuz if you were, then you would let me" she said.
I wanted to cry.
"You ARE my best friend", I told her, holding back tears.
"Prove it". She said.
Those two words.
Those two words are what made me let her do it once more.
That went on for about 2 years.
I got used to it.
It made me feel like crap every single time.
I didn't know that what she was doing was bad.
I just knew that I didn't like it.
But I loved her.
I didn't want to lose my best and only friend.
So I let her.
Even though I hated it.
***************************** 9 Years Old *********************************
I'm sitting in the living room.
I can hear barney coming from another room.
My sister was only about 1 or 2.
I was flipping through the channels.
Degrassi. I thought. Never heard of it. I started watching it.
It was an episode where this girl, Paige, gets raped.
After that day, I knew that what she was doing was wrong.
But I was still scared to tell.
I heard the click of the tv turning off in my sister's room. That meant that everyone except for us were asleep.
I felt her body turn towards me, and I saw her reaching for my body.
"I don't want to do this", I blurted out. "I know it's not right, so please, not anymore. PLEASE"
"well, If you don't let me, I won't be your friend anymore, and I mean it", she said.
"well, if you do do it, I'll tell my mom, and you'll be in a lot of trouble" I told her.
"If you tell on me, then I'll tell my mom that you did it, and you know she'll believe me instead of you", she said, with anger in her voice.
I knew what she said was true. Her mom HATED me. Even though I was her own family, her own blood, she hated me.
That was the last time I let her do that.
And that time, I cried the whole time.
♠ ♠ ♠
Well, this is my first chapter.If you don't get it, then just ask.
I'll explain.
It was very hard for me to write this chapter.
I kind of had to re-live those nights.
It happened alot.
About 3 or 4 times a month.
And it went on for about 3 years.
So...yeah.
It was pretty hard to write this, and I left out a lot of details,.
I didn't want to say much just because I didn't want to think about them.
Some things I block out from my memory.
So, I'm sorry if it's too long or too short.
And i'm really sorry if you don't understand it.
This is a true story, and I'm not going to ask for comments or subscriptions, only because this is personal, and I dont' expect many people to enjoy reading this.
But, its life.
and its true.
and some people can't handle that.
but on the other hand, some people like reading real stuff like this.
So...If you like, subscribe. I promise, This is probly the worst thing that will be in my story. It's not all gonna be sad like this. I just wrote this first cuz its the first "Bad" thing that happened to me.
So if you like it, comment. or just comment and tell me your opinions on my writing.
I would really appreciate it.
xoxo,
-Angel