Let's Sleep Till the Sun Burns Out

*Matt’s POV*

“I’m not over you Matt, not even close.” His words ring in my head over and over. Truth is, I’m not over him either, I never will be. I love him. Not loved, but love, I always have, and I always will. But of course, I’m with Derek. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I’m not in love with him.

“Can you believe that asshole?” Derek snorts, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“What?” I ask, not believing he really just said that.

“Telling you all that shit when you’re here with me, what a fucking dick!” he yells, drawing the attention of others around us.

“Let’s just leave,” I sigh, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible.

We scoot up from our chairs and walk out the front door of the restaurant, completely forgetting about the check. Oh well, fuck ‘em, the waiter was mean anyway. We hop into the car, me in the passengers seat and him driving, and spend the ride home in silence.

As soon as we get to the house, I dart into me and Derek’s room and lock the door. I locate my journal and words, lyrics, begin spilling from my pen.

Two roads... split off from here,
and my life goes running in opposite directions.
Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be.

I wanted to be that breath of fresh air,
When everything smelled so insincere.
But this taste still lingers in my mouth,
Deceit has ways of sticking around.
And I'm ready to disappear,
Vacation seems far from here.

Note to self: I miss you terribly.
This is what... we call a tragedy.
Come back to me, come back to me, to me.
Note to self: I miss you terribly.
This is what... we call a tragedy.
Come back to me, back to me, to me.

I can feel my mind, wandering again.
Into where I don't know, and will I ever get home?
Time starts moving, faster than I can.
And I'm sick of this scene,
I need to break the routine.

I can feel my mind, wandering again.
Into where I don't know, and will I ever get home?
Time starts moving, faster than I can.
And I'm sick of this scene,
I need to break the routine.

Two roads... split off from here,
and my life goes running in opposite directions.
Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be.

Which part of me is lost? I feel so close, and yet I am so far.
Which part of me is lost? I feel so close, and yet I am so...Far!...

I read the words over again to myself, and it isn’t until I finish that I realize tears are steaming from my face. I want to be with Sonny. Clear and simple. Well, really, it’s not that simple, there’s still the matter of Derek, who is now knocking angrily on the door. How long has he been doing that?

“Fucking let me in, Matt!” he screams, from the tone of his voice I’m guessing he isn’t too pleased with me. I slowly push myself up from the carpeted floor and make my way over to the front of the room to let him in.

I take my time turning the brass lock, once he hears the click, the door swings open violently, almost colliding with my face.

“It’s about fucking time!” he yells, “What the fuck are you doing anyway?” his voice keeps the same volume, never lightening up.

“None of your fucking business!” I shout right back. I’m not afraid of Derek, he may seem intimidating at times, but I know he would never actually hurt me.

"Then what the fuck is this?!” he snatches my closed notebook from my hands and flips to the last page. His eyes scan the words intently and I see his face fall. “Fuck..” he mutters, once he finishes reading. The number of times we can say ‘fuck’ in ten minutes, never fails to amuse me.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, hanging my head to look at the floor, rather than his hurt expression.

He takes a seat on the bed, looking vacantly at the wall ahead of him. “Don’t be sorry, I can’t change the way you feel,” he shrugs.

I solemnly nod my head, “So I guess we’re over,” I say, my voice quivering looking at his empty eyes. It never really occurred to me that he may love me as much as I love Sonny.

“I guess so,” his voice cracks and he starts crying. I sit down next to him as he buries his head into the crook of my neck. “I love you, Matt,” he whimpers.

“I love you too, Der,” I assure him.

It’s strange how one minute he looked like he had murder in his eyes, and the next he’s crying in my arms.

I feel horrible. He was there for me when Sonny and I broke up, and here I am leaving him for Sonny. I’m a bad person. Easy as that.

After about five minutes, he finally pulls away from me, his eyes, which I’m sure match mine, red and puffy. “So, I guess I’ll go stay with my friend Travis,” he says, wiping his nose on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Okay,” I agree. He gets up and leaves the room without another word. I can’t help but to burst into another set of tears, before finally grabbing my phone and dialing Sonny’s number.

“Hello?” a voice on the other end answers, he sounds like he’s been crying as well.

“Sonny?” I ask.

“Yeah?” he replies.

“It’s Matt, can we talk?”