So This Is How it Goes
Numbness
I am Thomas Warner. Sort of.
It’s also my father’s name and it gets hard to think of myself as a worthy successor. He’s pretty big in what he does. I just sit around and pretend to try, but actually, I stopped caring a long time ago, when I realized I wasn’t that good at anything.
I get mostly A’s. But if you’ve ever been to high school you know that’s not special at all. Anyone can do that by putting on a smile in front of the teachers. And that’s something I’m not willing to do.
I’m not willing to do anything, now that I think of it. Not for them, at least. They sicken me. Everyone. The teachers and their fake caring attitude, the students with their phony whining. They’re not even worth talking to, they’re just…shallow.
You’ve probably guessed it by now, but I’m a loner. Books are so much more helpful and meaningful than these people. Being an only child, they were the friend I grew up with, and the only one I need. Yet even still I sometimes wonder if I’m nothing but another one of them. If I’m not being too cocky by thinking so lowly of them. I mean, it’s not like I’ve found any meaning to my life either.
Most days I just want to get everything over with. Not suicide or anything like that. Just peace. I find myself running into my room and locking the door behind me with the desperation a castaway must have when swimming to shore. I wish I had something to look forward to when I set off into this daily swarm of people. I wish something would show me the way I’d like to go. Or someone.
But it’s just too much to ask. What are the odds of meeting exactly the person I need? Especially when I don’t talk to anyone. I think I’ll just settle for my empty tranquility. My books, my room, my father’s shadow. Until I find someone who’s worth it.
Until I find someone who’s real.
It’s also my father’s name and it gets hard to think of myself as a worthy successor. He’s pretty big in what he does. I just sit around and pretend to try, but actually, I stopped caring a long time ago, when I realized I wasn’t that good at anything.
I get mostly A’s. But if you’ve ever been to high school you know that’s not special at all. Anyone can do that by putting on a smile in front of the teachers. And that’s something I’m not willing to do.
I’m not willing to do anything, now that I think of it. Not for them, at least. They sicken me. Everyone. The teachers and their fake caring attitude, the students with their phony whining. They’re not even worth talking to, they’re just…shallow.
You’ve probably guessed it by now, but I’m a loner. Books are so much more helpful and meaningful than these people. Being an only child, they were the friend I grew up with, and the only one I need. Yet even still I sometimes wonder if I’m nothing but another one of them. If I’m not being too cocky by thinking so lowly of them. I mean, it’s not like I’ve found any meaning to my life either.
Most days I just want to get everything over with. Not suicide or anything like that. Just peace. I find myself running into my room and locking the door behind me with the desperation a castaway must have when swimming to shore. I wish I had something to look forward to when I set off into this daily swarm of people. I wish something would show me the way I’d like to go. Or someone.
But it’s just too much to ask. What are the odds of meeting exactly the person I need? Especially when I don’t talk to anyone. I think I’ll just settle for my empty tranquility. My books, my room, my father’s shadow. Until I find someone who’s worth it.
Until I find someone who’s real.
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Guess I'll be co-writing hahaComments and subscriptions greatly appreciated.