So This Is How it Goes
Awareness
Some bastard knocked over a girl in the hallway today. I was just walking by and didn’t help her up. Neither did anyone else.
It’s moments like this that make me wonder just how much I am like them. Am I just as bad as the guy who knocked her over? Or am I even worse?
Normally, I would’ve forgotten about it and moved on without feeling too bad. But she got in the same classroom as me after I was sitting there for a minute. Funny how I’d never noticed her. She was talking with some other girl. They sat 2 rows ahead of me, and the room wasn’t full yet, so I could catch some of the yapping of her companion. Some teenage overreaction over some useless nobody asking her out.
I have to say I felt a bit better after that. As if what I did before was justified because she was probably stupid. Does that make me a monster?
Please tell me not…
I hate numbers. They’re so cold and rigid. I can never see the use for them, so the one I give this class is mainly staring out the window, which is lots of fun. It’s OK for me to do that because teachers are always completely unaware of my existence. I could get up and do cartwheels, they won’t care.
People look like satellite-operated robots if you look close enough. Some sort of failed futuristic android. It may seem silly, but it’s just…they repeat phrases and movements on loops and never tire of it. Like they’re programmed to be clumsy and strident just for being teenagers.
Sometimes I draw them when they are alone and sit quietly in a bench. It’s such a rare occasion to see any of them being silent and reserved that I have to keep a memory. And I can’t take a picture because I don’t have a cellphone and my father would never buy me a camera.
Yes, I am the only teen in miles around who’s deprived of a cellphone. I never liked them. Nobody ever needs my whereabouts and if they did I sure as hell don’t want to give them. And the camera, well, let’s just say there’s no superfluous expenses at home. Both my parents are economists. I might as well live with Martians. They don’t understand a word I tell them, so I stopped talking to them almost altogether.
This day is dragging on forever. I just want to get home and read so I can let go of the hallway incident. It still upsets me a little. The lack of respect these people have for each other, the total selfishness, but specially the fact that I didn’t help her. Sure she’s just some girl but still…what’s wrong with me?
The bell rings chewing my eardrums. My head is spinning like crazy. I just hope I make it through today.
It’s moments like this that make me wonder just how much I am like them. Am I just as bad as the guy who knocked her over? Or am I even worse?
Normally, I would’ve forgotten about it and moved on without feeling too bad. But she got in the same classroom as me after I was sitting there for a minute. Funny how I’d never noticed her. She was talking with some other girl. They sat 2 rows ahead of me, and the room wasn’t full yet, so I could catch some of the yapping of her companion. Some teenage overreaction over some useless nobody asking her out.
I have to say I felt a bit better after that. As if what I did before was justified because she was probably stupid. Does that make me a monster?
Please tell me not…
I hate numbers. They’re so cold and rigid. I can never see the use for them, so the one I give this class is mainly staring out the window, which is lots of fun. It’s OK for me to do that because teachers are always completely unaware of my existence. I could get up and do cartwheels, they won’t care.
People look like satellite-operated robots if you look close enough. Some sort of failed futuristic android. It may seem silly, but it’s just…they repeat phrases and movements on loops and never tire of it. Like they’re programmed to be clumsy and strident just for being teenagers.
Sometimes I draw them when they are alone and sit quietly in a bench. It’s such a rare occasion to see any of them being silent and reserved that I have to keep a memory. And I can’t take a picture because I don’t have a cellphone and my father would never buy me a camera.
Yes, I am the only teen in miles around who’s deprived of a cellphone. I never liked them. Nobody ever needs my whereabouts and if they did I sure as hell don’t want to give them. And the camera, well, let’s just say there’s no superfluous expenses at home. Both my parents are economists. I might as well live with Martians. They don’t understand a word I tell them, so I stopped talking to them almost altogether.
This day is dragging on forever. I just want to get home and read so I can let go of the hallway incident. It still upsets me a little. The lack of respect these people have for each other, the total selfishness, but specially the fact that I didn’t help her. Sure she’s just some girl but still…what’s wrong with me?
The bell rings chewing my eardrums. My head is spinning like crazy. I just hope I make it through today.
♠ ♠ ♠
Long. And kind of dreary. But that's Thomas for you. xDDon't worry, we're only getting warmed up...