This Could Be All I've Waited For

I wasn’t pregnant.

The test had come back negative; I didn’t know how to feel or what to do. I knew that I had let my family down and when I left the bathroom and found Alex waiting outside – his face beaming with hopefulness I couldn’t tell him No.

“We’re having a baby,” I said with a smile, and then I cried and hepulled me into his arms and cried too, except his were tears of happiness and mine were tears of sorrow.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next – maybe I could fake a miscarriage or eventually tell them the truth but for now, I was just going to have to go along with it.
He was immeadiatly on the phone to everyone he knew barely containing his excitement. It broke my heart that I had lied but at least I knew that Mother and Father wouldn’t be dissapointed in me for not providing an heir for their business.

A few weeks later and I still wasn’t pregnant but he still thought I was. He’d even taken me out, with Rian, to buy baby clothes. I felt horrible. The stupid waitress from our wedding happened to be there and Rian went off with her. He was just being his usual inappropriate self – there was no need to involve someone who’d been previously employed by us in our private lives, especially as she was a fan of their band. I told him I wanted the gender to be a surprise – another lie, so he chose clothes in neutral colours and patterns and even picked out little booties. He was being particularly protective too, his arm wrapped firmly behind my waist at all times and constantly asking me if I was feeling alright.
“Your fans are sweet,” I said quietly after Rian had left with the girl
“Yeah, I’m really lucky,” He replied “All us boys are,”
“You go back on tour soon, don’t you?” I asked, picking up a toy train and showing it too him
“In a month, but I’ll make sure there’s someone here to look after you - I’ll phone you everyday,” He said, his grip around my waist getting tighter
“I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry about me,” I smiled at him “It’s me who should be worrying about you, I know what you boys are like on tour,”
He chuckled and pulled me into his arms
“Fancy an ice cream or something silly like that?” He asked
“I’d love one,” I replied and we left the shop to find ourselves some ice cream
“It’s funny how you keep bumping into her,” I said, finishing my vanilla ice cream
“Who? Oh, Bianca – the fan?” He paused “Yeah it is I guess, almost stalkerish” He joked
“Keep an eye on her,” I joked back, secretly meaning it
“I think I’ll have to,” He replied, then his phone rang – it was the band manager, confirming the tour in a month’s time.
I went to the toilet; the lies I’d told were beginning to get too much. I thought about pretending to miscarry in the toilet right there and then but it wouldn’t have worked, not in a public place.
When I returned I noticed Alex was outside the shop with Rian and the girl, chatting and laughing with each other. I put one hand on my stomach and one at the bottom of my back, faking that there was something wrong with me and my fake baby.
“Hey, are you OK?” The girl asked, noticing first
Alex turned to look at me and instantly took my hand
“Do you need to sit down?” He asked, very worried
“No, no, I’m fine,” I sighed “Just a little tired, maybe we should go home now?”
Alex nodded and quickly said Goodbye to Rian, then brushed past the girl without saying anything.
Oops I thought That’ll knock her a bit.
He put his arm over my shoulder, walking as quickly as he could
“Just slow down a bit,” I said
“But you’re tired, we need to get you home,” He said
“I’m not that tired, I can walk to the car,” I snapped, instantly regretting the tone of my voice “I’m sorry,”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Alex replied, smiling sweetly “Just your hormones after all,”

I smiled back – the guilt I felt inside was slowly killing me. I was on breaking point.