Forced Affection

I bite my lip and feel the butterflies in my stomach, how could it already be here? How could it only be three days until I get married? Where had the time gone? It was only yesterday I was leaving home, driving across the country with Leo to his home. It had all been much too fast. Everything that had happened felt like an entire lifetime, and it was barely 6 months. And now here I was, watching Rae model her bridesmaid dress, Billie trying on different pairs of shoes hoping to find the perfect match, Avery trying to pour a drink, write down her speech and instruct Arianna on the make-up style all at once, mum was pulling at Ashlea’s hair trying to tame it into a nice French braided bun, Arianna was listening to Avery and ordering Nick and Thomas around organising seating for the dinner she was holding the on the eve of the wedding and Craig was trying anyway to sneak into the kitchen without Arianna noticing. I stared at everyone, not moving from my spot out of everyone’s way near the mirror. I bit my lip again, could all this be real? How could I, Hallie Ann Rosalie Cortez be getting married? I felt the sick rise into my throat and it takes all my control not to throw up on the floor. This was all too surreal. Was this the feeling of cold feet?
No one is paying any attention to me, so I sit on the ground and absentmindedly braid my hair, as my mind drifted back to my most common thought: Leo. I still hadn’t spoken to him since…well…then. How could I marry him if I couldn’t even get enough courage to go and speak to him? To confess how I feel? To say I actually do really and truly love him? That I don’t want to not be with him forever? I sigh. Leo. He was all I could think about and that made me sick. May be it was cold feet. How could I know?
I should be more concerned about things like the treaty, my brother still in a comma, my family’s safety in a town like this, the way of the future, the acceptance of the treaty, the crisis our country might just feel, media backlash, poverty, economic turmoil, honestly the list goes on. There were many more important things I should be concerned about, but there was only one I could focus on: Leo. Argh, this must have been could feet.
I finish braiding my hair and go back to watching the others. My mother finishes Ashlea’s hair and smiles, before turning away and pulling out her phone. She glances at the caller ID and frowns, before politely saying something to Ashlea and walking away. She walks past me, not even glancing at me sitting on the floor as she answers the phone. I wonder who it could be for her to look so worried, possibly dad? He hadn’t flown in yet, his flight was leaving this afternoon. Maybe Josh? He still hadn’t left, but it was unlikely he would cause a response like that. Maybe Christopher? He could definitely cause a response like that, mother was always worried about him – but he was already here, and at the embassy organising stuff with my Grandfather. Maybe it was one of my aunties? Uncles? Cousins? Caterers? There were just too many options.
I frown again and continue to think about the possibilities of who it could be calling. But quickly my thoughts wander back to Leo. I always end here.
Suddenly, Arianna stops writing and tells everyone to be quiet; she rushes to my side in mere seconds and pulls me to my feet. My heart begins to increase dramatically; I’d never seen her act like this.
‘What?’ I ask fearful that it was just an overreaction to a small over sight of something for the wedding. Most of the emotional responses lately had been a bit over top.
‘Oh Hallie’ she says and she turns me around from facing her and pushes me to the door my mother had walked through. Instantly my mother appears, bawling as she rushes towards me. She is sobbing so loudly, she embraces me and doesn’t say anything – just continue to cry into my shoulder hysterically. I begin to slump. It was about Alex.
I don’t know who’d called, or what they’d said, but I knew what was coming. He was dead. This was the only thing that could explain it. I bite my lip and feel the tears in my eyes, I try to prepare myself for what is coming, but how could anyone ever be ready to be told that your twin – a half of you – is dead. Gone forever.
I pull mum back to look in her eyes. But I can barely hold myself up enough, let alone her as well. By now everyone has stopped what they are doing and are watching us. I notice that even Craig has emerged from the kitchen and rushed to Arianna’s side near us. Rae has moved towards me, with Billie and Avery standing unsure – but nonetheless everyone’s eyes are on my mother.
‘Tell me’ I command in a voice that hopefully sounded stronger than I really was. Inside I was breaking into a million pieces, I’d lost a part of me, and I wouldn’t ever be able to be complete again – or at least that’s how I thought I’d feel when my brother died. But instead I felt numb. Now I wished for the cold feet back.
‘He’s awake. He woke up before, 10 mins ago. The doctors don’t know how. They’re running test. He said ‘I haven’t missed the wedding, have I?’ Your father and Josh are with him. Hallie, Alex’s is awake. He’s alive. He’s come back to us’, she says sobbing still. But I sense the relief in her body, the sparkle in her eyes and the happiness in her voice.
Alex was awake. My brother wasn’t dead. He was back.
‘Oh god’ I sobbed as the biggest relief rushed over me, the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulder and I could breathe. I felt complete, well almost. I needed Alex, and I had him back. I couldn’t hold it anymore, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. Everyone rushed forward, but Rae grabbed me first.
Finally everyone began to react; there were hugs and kisses, congratulations and emotions all over the place. Everyone was happy, things felt right and I could feel the change in everyone’s spirits. This was it, everything was beginning to look up and fall into place. My brother was awake.
But there was something missing, as happy and relieved as I was, it just didn’t feel real. I let Rae hold me, I hugged her tighter and looked at her. I gave her a glance that I hoped conveyed everything I was feeling and she could somehow understand and then give me advice to. But even I think I’m asking too much of my friend. But have I ever mentioned that I have the best friend in the entire world?
‘Hallie, this is great news. But it isn’t going to feel real until you tell him. Go to Leo. You need to, you love him and this is something you need to share’ she says to me smiling her perfect smile and telling me everything I need to be told. I knew all that myself, but was too stubborn and too proud to admit it.
I feel Craig push the car keys into my hand and nod. I don’t look at anyone else, or even think about what I’m about to do. I need to do this.
‘Thank you’ I whisper. To who, I’m still not sure. Craig for the car keys. Rae for giving me the push I need. Mum for giving me the good news. Arianna for all the support. God, for saving my brother. For everything, I was thankful.
I still don’t remember the drive to Leo’s; did I take the freeway or the bridge? Did I run a red light? I honestly couldn’t tell you a thing. I was in a complete daze. I don’t even remember parking, or the entrance into the foyer, had Markus been working? Did he speak to me? I don’t even remember getting into the elevator, were there others in there? What did they think of me? Who pressed the Penthouse button? Did I do anything or all of it? Was this just me doing what was necessary to get to Leo?
Though I don’t remember anything about getting here, as soon as I got the Leo’s front door I hesitated. I was over thinking everything, should I knock? Do I just walk in? Did he know I was here? Was he even here? Why hadn’t I called?
I shake my head, bite my lip and take a deep breath. I was so confused. But to face Leo I couldn’t be. I needed to get everything out in the open.
I rub my eyes, and then I think of my appearance. Geez! Why did I not think of all this sooner? I mentally hit myself. This was not the time.
I knock on the door before I can think anymore. Before I feel any regret and think of leaving, the door opens. Leo is standing right in front of me, jeans low on his hips, tight white t-shirt and sporting a look of about as much confusion as me.
‘That was quick’ I say before even thinking. Really after not speaking to him, after everything that has happened, that was my opener? Why couldn’t it have been something more strong, demanding, or even sexy. Leo smiled and looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes. Looking into his dark eyes, familiar face of perfection I feel my body begin to accept that Alex was alive, I feel the excitement rise, the relief fully hit and I know it certainly wasn’t cold feet I was having. It was love. Love for Leo that needed to be fulfilled like a hunger. My body’s senses were going into over drive finally being near him and it took every ounce of me not to just run into his arms and never let him go. But I held my composure, allowed for a smile and step closer.
‘I heard you get out of the elevator, and I was going to open the door – but you hesitated, so I waited. I wanted you to want to knock, to see me. Not because in the end I forced you by opening the door’ Leo says confidently, but slowly begins to trail off. I smile at him again and let go. I couldn’t wait any longer. I run into his arms. He grabs me and lifts me up off the ground pulling my higher, tighter and closer if possible. I feel his lips in the crook of my neck as I refuse to let him go, I know he could feel my heart race.
‘I’ve missed you so much’ he mutters into my neck and the vibrations off his lips send shivers down my spine. He finally puts me down, but I don’t move away from him.
‘I needed you, I mean, I wanted you, I mean, I have to tell you…I mean’I try to say, but I couldn’t find the right words to say. I look at him, but I catch something out of the corner of my eye. I place my hand on Leo’s chest but frown and glance around him at the thing sticking out of the wall. I can’t help but smile.
Leo turns his head to see where I was looking. He grins and runs his hand through his hair as he looks at my Katana still stuck in the wall from where I through it at Leo.
‘I um, left that there as a reminder. Not that I need one, you not being here was pretty obvious and well it felt different not having you around’ Leo says as he looks at me. I glance back at him and smile.
‘Yeah, I know the feeling. Are you going to leave it there?’ I ask Leo.
‘Yep, until you need it. That’s where it is staying. Besides you don’t need any more sharp things to throw at me’ he says smiling as he pulls me closer into him.
‘Alright, I’ll let you keep it there…for now anyway’ I say as I pull him over to the couch. I sit down on one side and he sits on the other.
‘So why are you here? Not that I’m not happy, but what’s happened? I hate not knowing’ Leo says frowning somewhat at himself as if he was nervous. I smile again and move closer to him so now our knees were touching. I place my hand on his check and feel the stubble from not shaving for a couple of days.
‘I got some news today, and well you were the first person I wanted to share it with. It felt right me telling you, and well, it’s the only way it felt real – for me’ I say looking into his eyes. I see him gulp and tense.
‘Hallie, I love you, but that sounds an awful lot like you’re pregnant. We aren’t ready for this, are we?’ he asks as his hand goes immediately to my stomach and pulls me closer. I put my hand on his chest again and push myself away.
‘No Parker, I’m not pregnant’ I say as I see him sigh.
‘Sorry, I um, I’ve been thinking a lot lately’ he mutters ‘Tell me’ he finishes. And I finally let everything hit me, the relief, the happiness, the excitement, the joy, and the happiness.
‘Alex’s awake’ I finally say, tears running uncontrollably out of my eyes. ‘Leo’s he’s finally woken up. He’s come back’ I say as the silent tears turn into light sobs. Leo grabs me again and holds me in his arms.
‘Oh Hallie, that’s fantastic news. We’ll leave to visit him as soon as possible’ he whispers into my ear as he holds me and I cling to him tighter. This was exactly what I needed.

I don’t know how long we sat there for, Leo held me and I told him everything, how much I loved him, how much I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, the wedding, the relief of Alex, the anger at Skye and well the acceptance of everything. It felt good finally getting it all out there. It felt even better knowing that Leo knew everything, and still wanted to marry me.
It was beginning to get dark, but I continued to lie in Leo’s arm on the couch. He laid behind me gently running his fingers over my hips as he kissed my shoulder. We’d spent hours he doing nothing more than talking. I knew it sounded corny, but it was what I needed. I think we both needed it.
‘It’s getting late. Have you spoken to anyone to let them know you’re here?’ he asks as I feel his lips mummer against my back and I smile at the sensation.
‘No, I kind of left in a rush and forgot to get my phone, or license, or money or anything really’ I say as I glance at the ceiling.
‘I bet you’ve got heaps of missed calls’ I finish as I turn over slowly on the couch so now I’m in his arms facing him again.
‘I have no doubt about that’ he says as he leans in and gently kisses me on the lips. It was slow, soft, gentle and loving. But it was amazing. Leo and I broke apart.
‘I don’t want to stay here’ I say as I give him an apologetic look and bite my lip. To my surprise Leo smiles.
‘Good, you can’t stay here. I mean I want you to, I really do. But if you do I want be able to control myself, how am I going to last to the wedding not touching you and ruining the wedding night’ Leo replies to me. I feel myself blush as Leo chuckles.
‘Stop’ I say as he laughs again and kisses my neck.
‘You don’t want me to’ he says as he trails the kisses up to my jaw line, I feel my breath catch in my chest and let a moan escape me.
‘We have to stop’ Leo says as he shakes his head and pulls back from me. It was my turn to laugh.
‘Yeah we do. Let’s wait again. Just until after the wedding’ I say smiling at him as he leans on his elbow and looks down at me.
‘Alright kiddo. Let’s wait. Do you want to go for some dinner’ he says still smiling down at me longingly.
‘No I don’t. With you giving me looks like that, we’re going to be having sex in the toilet of some restaurant. So how about I go back to the Mansion and you stay here? I’ll call you to let you know that I got home safely. And I will see you tomorrow, for the rehearsal dinner’ I suggest.
‘But what if it was a really fancy restaurant?’ Leo asks. I shake my head laughing at him. I get off the couch and move away from Leo. If I stayed any longer, we weren’t even going to make it to the restaurant.
‘Bye Leo’ I say as I walk towards his door, but I sense him move. And I feel him at my side before I even take three steps.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow at the rehearsal dinner. Let me know you get home safely. And keep me posted on Alex. Or anything. I love you’ he says walking me to the door. I open it and turn back to him.
‘I love you too’ I say as I lean up and kiss him. He doesn’t miss an opportunity pulling me closer and deepening the kiss. I would have ran out of breath, but we heard the elevator bing and someone clear their throat. Leo and I pulled away to seem Nathan, Drew and Lucas standing there.
‘This is sickening. Honestly, keep your hands off one another in public’ Nathan says acting disgusted. But I saw Leo smirk; I can only imagine it was something Nathan added when Leo and he shared an exchanging nod. I hit Leo gently on the chest. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know it was crude.
‘Yeah, it’s only a couple more days until you’re a married couple. That is gross. People are going to hate you newly-weds and your love. Yuck’ Lucas said as the Nathan nodded agreeing. I rolled my eyes are Lucas, knowing that when Billie was around – he was no better.
‘Leave them alone, I think it’s sweet’ Drew says surprisingly. Its Leo’s turn to roll his eyes are Nathan and Lucas look at Drew look he’d suddenly grown another head.
‘Oh thanks Drew’ I say smiling as I pat him on the arm. I mean he had been the go between guy for Leo and I, that couldn’t have been fun. And I owed him a lot. So I guess he was just relieved he would no longer be the messenger that got abused.
‘Besides, it’s obvious all that affection is just the built up tension of not banging over these last couple of weeks’ Drew finished as the boys laughed, like that was expected. Even Leo smirked. I punched Drew in the arm, hard.
‘Well that’s my cue to leave. Bye Leo, enjoy you’re nights by yourself and as for the rest of you, enjoy eternity alone’ I say sweetly as I give Leo a peck on the cheek and make my way to the elevator.
‘Oh harsh Cortez’ Nathan replies.
‘Bye future Mrs. Parker’ Lucas calls knowing that would piss me off.
‘Catchya Halo. Tell Rae I say hi’ he says winking as he walks into Leo’s apartment with the boys following him.
‘Go on, tell bye you seek desperate man’ Drew says to Leo, rolling his eyes. Leo smiles and walks over to me, as I wait for the elevator.
‘Pathetic’ I can hear Nathan say as Lucas laughs. Leo shakes his head.
‘Sorry about them’ he says wrapping me into another hug.
‘Don’t be, I’m used to it’ I say hugging him back.
‘Good, alright. I love you. Drive safely home, don’t pick up any hitchhikers, lock your doors and don’t take any back streets, anything happens – ring me. I love you. No go’ Leo says smiling. I roll my eyes at him.
‘Thanks for all that, I’ll consider it when I’m driving down the back streets with the door unlocked picking up hitchhikers. Love you. Bye’ I say kissing him on the lips as I walk into the elevator. He kisses me back and shakes his head I hear him mumble something along the lines of ‘you’ll be the death of me’ as the elevator shuts. I can’t help but smile. I was on cloud nine. This was perfect.