Because Everything Always Goes Awry.
Do You Remember?1/1
Shaking my head gently, I ran my hand through my hair and let it fall. Today was another one of those days where I forgot to take my pills. I was always forgetting, and it made me mad. Swallowing the spit in my throat, I got up from the subway train's car, walked out into the daylight, and headed back home. Home is where the heart is, they say, and I wouldn't agree more- if I had a heart. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a good person- when I wanted to be- and I hadn't ever had enough time to explain as to why I say I don't have a heart. The reason why is because I was diagnosed with a disease. What is this disease you may ask? It's called Chronic Bipolar Disease. Or CBD, if you want to get the lazy version. One moment, I could be all happy and giddy, and then the next- all hell would break loose. Hell, what a lightly used word around me.
"See you, Daisy." I told my poor girlfriend, kissing her cheek as we stood at the corner of the street. We lived relatively close to one another- her on Parkrose Street and I on Dellwood Street. Exactly four blocks away from each other. God, she made me so happy. How could she had even put up with my crap?
"'Bye John, I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled her sweetest smile, waving before we departed to go our separate ways. Sniffling, I felt another mood swing coming on. In a matter of a second, from wanting to shower my girlfriend of three years in roses and whatnots, to wanting to run back and strangle the crap out of her, I balled my fists. I always knew when I would get another mood change. I would sniff, then it would hit me like a ton of bricks. Bricks, nice thing to kill someone with, right? Shaking my head, I rushed my footsteps towards my home. I couldn't turn back- would I turn back? No. I wouldn't. Grabbing out my bronze town house key, I pushed it into the keyhole and automatically threw my brief case onto the couch, slammed the door, thumped up the stairs and into the bathroom, stripped, turned on the shower to hot, and climbed it. The shower always seemed to be a perfect getaway for me from my mood swings. Thinking and scrubbing my body until it turned beet red, I began to wash my hair, ridding it of the filth Daisy had put in it. Fuck, Daisy was a great girl but she made me feel dirty. She was my first everything, and for being twenty-three, a small business man, that's still pretty pathetic. Sighing, I turned the shower on hotter and let the steam cause my throat to feel heavy and my eyes to burn. It felt good.
*****
After I hopped out of the shower, I wandered downstairs and into my small kitchen. I shared my house with no one besides my black calico cat Scruffy and the air. Opening up the medicine cupboard, I reached in to grab my prescribed pill bottle and shook it. It sounded empty, like there was only one left. Twisting off the cap, my worst fear became reality. There was only one left. Taking the lonesome pill out, I put it into my mouth, grabbed a glass from the glasses cupboard, poured water in it from my pitcher, and swallowed the pill down. Throwing the empty orange bottle, I cursed under my breath, gripped onto my wet hair, slid down the fridge and hugged my knees to my chest. This day was the fucking shittiest day ever. I sat there for a while, wild thoughts running through my head. Considering the fact that I took one half of my dosage, my CBD wouldn’t be under control. I’d go mad. And I was going mad.
Getting up slowly, I walked into my study(office, if you must), grabbed out my .35 pistol, made sure it was loaded, grabbed my katana that was filled to the brim with whisky, took a swig off of it, grabbed my cell phone, and headed out the door. Was I going to do it? Would I pull it off? Probably not. Shaking my head, I automatically headed toward the house. Her house. “I’m so sorry Daisy, so sorry. I love you, Daisy. Daisy I love you.” I kept repeating quietly, turning the corner down her street. Once I was at least a hundred feet away from her house, I thought about it. God Daisy, you make me so sad. God Daisy, how could you do this to me? God damn it, Daisy. God damn it. I held the gun silently to my side, not wanting anyone to see it. I’m a monster- I could hear it repeating in my head. “You’re a monster, John! A monster! John Ballock, you’re a monster!” Over, and over, and over again. Why won’t they shut up? Would they ever shut up? Those damn dicks and their damn criticizing me over.. and over.. And over again.
Smiling a lunatic smile, I knocked on Daisy’s door, standing there with the gun behind my back. Once Daisy’s cute little face appeared in the doorway, she asked:
“Hey, John. What’re you doing here?” And proceeded to be a dumb broad and let me come into her house.
“Oh nothing, hon. I just came to stop by.” I lied, shutting the door. Once she was out of sight to turn down her garbage she calls ‘indie’ music, I locked the door and shut the blinds.
“Why did you shut those blinds, John?” Daisy asked, coming back in sight. Shrugging, I turned around and walked over to her. Kissing her forehead, I smirked and pushed her gently down onto the couch. I was trying my best to be as sweet as possible.
“Shut up and stay still.” I ordered, Daisy’s happy little smile turning into a straight, confused line.
“Wh-what’re you goin’a do, John?” Daisy asked.
“I said-” I pulled out the pistol, “be the FUCK quiet!” I yelled, shoving it in her face. I was starting to sweat, my hand on the loaded gun and my other hand pulling up to hold it steady for I was shaking.
“John- you didn’t take your pills..” She said, not panicking. I at least had done that twice- pulled a gun on her. “Go home and take them, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Daisy said calmly. She began to sit up when I shoved the gun into her face once more.
“God Daisy, you know I love you. And I’m so sorry but.. But.. I love you, God damn it. I’m so sorry..” I said, guilt strong in my tone of voice.
“I love you, too, John. Now put the gun down and go home. Like I said, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The blonde said. Shaking my head, my finger tightened around the trigger.
“I’ll miss you, Daisy.” I whispered, pulling the trigger. A loud shot rang in my ears, my vision going blurry. Tears came to my eyes as I saw her now bloodied and lifeless body slump over, blood spilling out of her mouth. Her eyes staring brightly into nothing, her hands relaxed. “And you won’t be seeing me tomorrow..” I whispered before walking off, bringing the gun with me. Oh God, what had I just done? I killed my girlfriend, the love of my life- and I felt good about it. Yeah, I felt good about it. Smiling and with a slight skip in my step, I walked on, walking to no where now. I was running away from a murder scene, and knew that the cops would be on my ass within a good few days. Not even that, a good twenty-four hours.
"See you, Daisy." I told my poor girlfriend, kissing her cheek as we stood at the corner of the street. We lived relatively close to one another- her on Parkrose Street and I on Dellwood Street. Exactly four blocks away from each other. God, she made me so happy. How could she had even put up with my crap?
"'Bye John, I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled her sweetest smile, waving before we departed to go our separate ways. Sniffling, I felt another mood swing coming on. In a matter of a second, from wanting to shower my girlfriend of three years in roses and whatnots, to wanting to run back and strangle the crap out of her, I balled my fists. I always knew when I would get another mood change. I would sniff, then it would hit me like a ton of bricks. Bricks, nice thing to kill someone with, right? Shaking my head, I rushed my footsteps towards my home. I couldn't turn back- would I turn back? No. I wouldn't. Grabbing out my bronze town house key, I pushed it into the keyhole and automatically threw my brief case onto the couch, slammed the door, thumped up the stairs and into the bathroom, stripped, turned on the shower to hot, and climbed it. The shower always seemed to be a perfect getaway for me from my mood swings. Thinking and scrubbing my body until it turned beet red, I began to wash my hair, ridding it of the filth Daisy had put in it. Fuck, Daisy was a great girl but she made me feel dirty. She was my first everything, and for being twenty-three, a small business man, that's still pretty pathetic. Sighing, I turned the shower on hotter and let the steam cause my throat to feel heavy and my eyes to burn. It felt good.
*****
After I hopped out of the shower, I wandered downstairs and into my small kitchen. I shared my house with no one besides my black calico cat Scruffy and the air. Opening up the medicine cupboard, I reached in to grab my prescribed pill bottle and shook it. It sounded empty, like there was only one left. Twisting off the cap, my worst fear became reality. There was only one left. Taking the lonesome pill out, I put it into my mouth, grabbed a glass from the glasses cupboard, poured water in it from my pitcher, and swallowed the pill down. Throwing the empty orange bottle, I cursed under my breath, gripped onto my wet hair, slid down the fridge and hugged my knees to my chest. This day was the fucking shittiest day ever. I sat there for a while, wild thoughts running through my head. Considering the fact that I took one half of my dosage, my CBD wouldn’t be under control. I’d go mad. And I was going mad.
Getting up slowly, I walked into my study(office, if you must), grabbed out my .35 pistol, made sure it was loaded, grabbed my katana that was filled to the brim with whisky, took a swig off of it, grabbed my cell phone, and headed out the door. Was I going to do it? Would I pull it off? Probably not. Shaking my head, I automatically headed toward the house. Her house. “I’m so sorry Daisy, so sorry. I love you, Daisy. Daisy I love you.” I kept repeating quietly, turning the corner down her street. Once I was at least a hundred feet away from her house, I thought about it. God Daisy, you make me so sad. God Daisy, how could you do this to me? God damn it, Daisy. God damn it. I held the gun silently to my side, not wanting anyone to see it. I’m a monster- I could hear it repeating in my head. “You’re a monster, John! A monster! John Ballock, you’re a monster!” Over, and over, and over again. Why won’t they shut up? Would they ever shut up? Those damn dicks and their damn criticizing me over.. and over.. And over again.
Smiling a lunatic smile, I knocked on Daisy’s door, standing there with the gun behind my back. Once Daisy’s cute little face appeared in the doorway, she asked:
“Hey, John. What’re you doing here?” And proceeded to be a dumb broad and let me come into her house.
“Oh nothing, hon. I just came to stop by.” I lied, shutting the door. Once she was out of sight to turn down her garbage she calls ‘indie’ music, I locked the door and shut the blinds.
“Why did you shut those blinds, John?” Daisy asked, coming back in sight. Shrugging, I turned around and walked over to her. Kissing her forehead, I smirked and pushed her gently down onto the couch. I was trying my best to be as sweet as possible.
“Shut up and stay still.” I ordered, Daisy’s happy little smile turning into a straight, confused line.
“Wh-what’re you goin’a do, John?” Daisy asked.
“I said-” I pulled out the pistol, “be the FUCK quiet!” I yelled, shoving it in her face. I was starting to sweat, my hand on the loaded gun and my other hand pulling up to hold it steady for I was shaking.
“John- you didn’t take your pills..” She said, not panicking. I at least had done that twice- pulled a gun on her. “Go home and take them, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Daisy said calmly. She began to sit up when I shoved the gun into her face once more.
“God Daisy, you know I love you. And I’m so sorry but.. But.. I love you, God damn it. I’m so sorry..” I said, guilt strong in my tone of voice.
“I love you, too, John. Now put the gun down and go home. Like I said, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The blonde said. Shaking my head, my finger tightened around the trigger.
“I’ll miss you, Daisy.” I whispered, pulling the trigger. A loud shot rang in my ears, my vision going blurry. Tears came to my eyes as I saw her now bloodied and lifeless body slump over, blood spilling out of her mouth. Her eyes staring brightly into nothing, her hands relaxed. “And you won’t be seeing me tomorrow..” I whispered before walking off, bringing the gun with me. Oh God, what had I just done? I killed my girlfriend, the love of my life- and I felt good about it. Yeah, I felt good about it. Smiling and with a slight skip in my step, I walked on, walking to no where now. I was running away from a murder scene, and knew that the cops would be on my ass within a good few days. Not even that, a good twenty-four hours.
♠ ♠ ♠
:D Haha