Will You Keep Me Alive?

I invited my close friends for my birthday three days later. My mom and I were just finishing up the last meal for lunch when John and Camilla came. Kennedy was out picking up Gabrielle so I had to open the door for them.

“Happy birthday!” they exclaimed in unison.

Camilla put a present on my palms. “You just turned twenty now? I turned twenty five months ago!” I snorted, rolling my eyes at her joke. “For the record, I did not come here with John. We just bumped into each other outside. What’s cookin’?” she said, letting herself in.

John and I just stared at her going into the kitchen. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t like me that much,” he said.

“I don’t either.”

“Happy birthday, love,” he said, leaning in and gave me a peck on the lips. “You said you really wanted one of these, right?” He held up a stuffed Charmender. I cracked up. “Why are you laughing? It’s really hard to find it, you know.”

“I’m sorry, I just – I can’t believe you’d actually look for it,” I took the doll from his hands, “The legit Pokémon age was far behind us now but you still can find this. Thank you so much.”

“Am I the best boyfriend in the world?” he grinned.

“John, you’re the second boyfriend I ever have. I can’t really compare you with other boyfriends.”

“Aw, come on,” he stuck out his lower lip, looking at me puppy-eyed. I swear I could see dog ears on his head and a dog tail wiggling behind him.

I smiled. “You’re the best boyfriend in the world, you cocky bastard.”

“I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear the last part.”

Lunch was crazy. Jokes were thrown here and there and our neighbors may hear our laughter. The end of the lunch almost broke out into a food fight, but my mom stopped the boys before it could happen.

I tried keeping Neyla away from Garrett so he wouldn’t blow up and act immature again. Maybe I should let them be around each other, just in case Garrett wanted to apologize but I couldn’t. Neyla was talking with Jared and Pat, and I decided to sit next to Garrett on the sofa and talk to him.

He glanced at me before going back to playing Kennedy’s acoustic guitar.

“I’m just going to casually sit here next to you and wonder why you’re such a big dick,” I said calmly.

“Thanks, I get that a lot - my dick being big.”

I cringed. I chose the wrong line. “I should rephrase that,” I muttered.

“You should,” he laughed.

“Nice remark, though.”

“Thanks.”

“You know what I’m going to talk about, right?” His shoulders stiffened but his eyes didn’t look away from the strings of the guitar. “Garrett, you really need to explain why you’re so immature.”

“I’m not.”

“Then what’s that about when we were at the Japanese restaurant?”

“I was having a PMS.”

“Garrett.”

“What? Girls can have that excuse, why boys can’t?” he looked at me.

“Because you don’t have a vagina. General knowledge.”

He chuckled, looking away. “I don’t know why I did that. I guess – I don’t know. It’s been years but I still don’t know how to face her. Every time I look at her, the memories just come rushing back and I couldn’t help but to be a jerk.”

“Then why aren’t you a jerk to Kennedy?”

“Because we’re in the same band and he’s not a girl.”

“What the hell do you mean by he’s not a girl?”

He shrugged, looking at Neyla this time. I looked at the way he looked at her. It was delicate, affectionate – even to almost like she was the only person in this room. I gasped.

“Garrett, could it be that you still like her?” I murmured.

He turned to me in a flash, his eyes seemed like they were going to fall out from the socket and his cheeks turned pink.

“You do!” I screamed. Every person in the room stared at me.

“Garrett does what?” Pat asked.

I didn’t know what to answer so I said anything that came into my head. “Um. Garrett has a porn collection of Pamela Anderson."

“FUCK, you do?!” John shouted with excitement on his face.

The next hours went great. We played board games, video games, danced along to songs, and had a few drinks. I turned to see if Garrett tried to talk to Neyla, but I didn’t see him anywhere near her. He did sneak a few glances at her though.

We were about to play Twister when John excused himself. “I’m really sorry guys, I have to go,” he said. We all booed at him. He laughed. “I got to do some errands.”

“Errands? What errands?” Gabrielle asked.

“My mom wants me to deliver something for her sister. I don’t really know what it is.”

“Aw come on John, stay a little longer!” Pat whined like a little child.

“Sorry, I can’t,” he grinned. He went over me and kissed my forehead. “Let’s see a movie next week, okay?” I nodded, smiling. We shared goodbyes and he went out the door.

“First Camilla, now John,” Jared said.

“Camilla promised her friend she’d do a photoshoot with him,” I answered.

“Or is she?” Pat sang playfully.

A few weeks ago I wondered if Camilla lied about meeting John before, and Pat’s remark made me think if they were meeting behind my back.

I shook that thought away. No way. No way.

- - -

I woke up the next morning with Neyla still sleeping next to me. She stayed here for the night; she said she missed sleeping in my bed. I stared at her and wondered if she still felt the same way about Garrett. If they talked out their problem, they might be together again.

Someone knocked my door and I told them to come in. It was Camilla, looking serious as hell. “I hope you’re not half-awake.”

“I’m fully awake,” I said, glancing at the clock on my bedside. “It’s only half to ten. What’s up?”

“Well, I kind of have to tell you something,” she sat on the edge of my bed.

I raised my eyebrows. “Yeah? What’s that?”

She pressed her lips. I had never seen her like this before. She took out her phone, pressed a few buttons and gave it to me. I looked at the picture she showed me.

It was John and a girl with blonde and long hair and the photo was taken from behind the girl so I couldn’t see her face. I didn’t know where they were but they were... kissing? Were they kissing?

I took a closer look.

Oh god, they were.

I blinked lots of times, trying to take this in and to think clearly.

“The photoshoot I was having happened to be somewhere near the Starbucks cafe in the town.” She stared at me who was still struck by the photo. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what to think,” I croaked out.

“Well, maybe he’s cheat—“

“I don’t want to think of him that way,” I said calmly, returning her phone and looked at her in the eyes. “He’s a man of his words, Camilla. Maybe this is just a misunderstanding – maybe they weren’t kissing but from this angle, it just seemed like they were.”

“What if they really were?”

I glanced down. “Then I’ll just have to accept the fact and live with it.”