Will You Keep Me Alive?

As I was typing on my laptop, my phone vibrated and I glanced to see who called. John’s name flashed on the screen and I was really tempted to answer but I had to finish this minimum five hundred words story tomorrow. My phone stopped vibrating, but knowing John he would call again. And I was right; my phone vibrated again. I decided to pick it up.

“McDonald’s delivery, how may I help you?” I joked.

I heard him laugh in the other line. “Why didn’t you answer my first call?” he asked.

“I’m doing this short story I told you. It was given out three days ago but I played too much, so I decided to be serious this whole day,” I answered, typing on my laptop with one hand because the other one was holding the phone.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot,” He sounded upset and I couldn’t help but smile. He was adorable. “Do you need anything? I can drop by and bring you something.”

“Thanks, John, but no. My mom’s making lunch right now.”

“Oh...” He sounded even more upset.

“I will call you when I’m done, and you can come over whenever you want.”

“Really?” his voice lightened up.

I chuckled. “Yeah. Now if you mind...”

“Okay I will hang up now and won’t bug you for the rest of the day! Finish your story quick!”

I laughed. “Goodbye, John.”

“Goodbye!”

I hung up before he ranted even more and turned off my phone. I took a deep breath and continued writing, this time I was more focused.

An hour later, Kennedy knocked on my door. “How’s the story going?” he asked.

“A hundred and sixty-four words,” I sighed deeply. “At least four more hours to go.”

“Well guess what – lunch is ready and you deserve a break.” With that, he left and went downstairs. I stretched my arms and saved the story before going downstairs to the dining room. To my surprise, John was sitting nicely next to Kennedy at the table.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as I sat across him.

“I just HAD to see you,” he grinned. “I promise I won’t bug you and hang out with Kennedy until you’re finished.”

“It might take four hours,” I warned.

“I’ll wait.”

“Four hours at least.”

He thought for a moment. “I can stay for the night.”

“NO,” Kennedy declined.

“Why not?” John asked.

“You’ll kick me in the face when you’re asleep.”

Mom came into the dining room with a serving plate of spaghetti and placed it in the middle of the table. “Dig in,” she said, sitting next to me. Kennedy and John placed some spaghetti on their plates and poured the sauce. “John, it’s okay if you want to stay for the night.”

John’s face lit up as Kennedy frowned. “Great, I’ll have bruises on my face in the morning,” he muttered.

“Thank you, Mrs. Brock,” he said, flashing a smile. Kid’s adorable but last month Mom said he didn’t like him that much anymore but she still acts like she always does to him. Moms are weird.

Fifteen minutes later I finished my lunch and brought it to the sink in the kitchen before heading back upstairs. I locked my bedroom door, put on a pair of headphones, turned on some music and went back to writing. I just had to do that because I knew John would still be indirectly bugging me – he’s noisy whenever he hangs out with Kennedy, whether because they play videogames or just talking.

I stretched my arms and fell onto my back. Four and a half hours and I was finally done. I stretched for some more before taking off the headphones and went out from the room and headed downstairs. In the family room, Kennedy and John were watching a TV show that I forgot what the title was. John noticed me and smiled.

“Are you done?”

“Yep,” I said, plopping myself between them.

“What’s the story about?” Kennedy asked.

“The lecturer asked us to write a story from a different and unique perspective, so I decided to write about a stray cat.”

“A stray cat?” John snorted. I nodded. “In five thousand words?” I nodded again. “What the hell did you write?”

I shrugged. “I just positioned myself as a stray cat and how it feels like living like one and just write it down.”

“Just like that?” Kennedy asked. I nodded for the third time. “Can we see it?”

“Are you sure? Reading a five thousand words story needs time.”

“Oh, I’m positive,” he grinned.

“Alright.” I got up and took my laptop from my bedroom before heading back down again. I let the boys read it and the next thing I knew after twenty minutes had passed, they were giving me feedbacks and suggestions so I edited the parts where they told me. Their ideas were, after all, really good. They were my sudden editors for the next two hours.

It was eight already and we decided to watch a movie on HBO. My laptop was on the coffee table and I was leaning my head against John’s shoulder. Sometimes I would see Kennedy sneaking glances at us and sighed before pulling out his phone but shoves it back in his pocket again. After the sixth time it happened, I finally asked him what was wrong.

“I kinda had a fight with Gabi yesterday.”

“Why?”

“Her ex-boyfriend wants her back.”

“And it mattered because...?”

“She replies to his texts and answers his calls. It pisses me off.”

“Well does she know that it bugs you?”

He shrugged. “She should be. I mean I was clearly acting like it.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Uhh, no.”

I rolled my eyes and John sighed. “Then I don’t need to tell what you should do.”

“Right.” He took out his phone and went to the kitchen.

I snuggled into John and I felt him smiled before planting a kiss on my head. A few moments later we heard Kennedy’s footsteps going upstairs and he closed his bedroom door.

“I take that Gabi and him are okay now,” John said. I nodded; my eyes didn’t leave the television screen. This scene was so intense.

“Daphne—“ I shushed him, concentrating on the movie. I heard him chuckle before lifting my chin and kissed me on the lips. Just like that, I didn’t even remember that we were watching a movie and I wrapped my arms around his neck. A few seconds later he pulled away, looking into my eyes. I looked back at him, taking in his beautiful eye colour and eyelashes. He leaned in again for another kiss; it was harder this time.

The next thing I knew, we were lying down on the couch with me below him. My hands were on his back and his was next to me, the other one was above my head. We kissed for some more until he broke apart and moved to my neck. It felt like the whole room heated up. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t realized that he had taken off all of the buttons of my shirt, and that my bra was now completely visible for the world to see.

“John,” I said.

“Hm?” he muttered against the skin of my stomach.

“I don’t think I’m not ready for sex.”

He pulled back and stared into my eyes. “We don’t have to have sex . . . I’m just going to give you...” he trailed off.

“Give me what?”

He pursed his lips together.

I thought for a moment. “Oral?”

“Well – only if you want it. I’m not pushing you into anything that you don’t want to do, that you’re not comfortable with.”

I gazed away from him. He took that as a ‘no’ and pulled away from me, sitting at the end of the couch. “I’m sorry,” he sighed. I buttoned up my shirt and sat as well, letting the sound of the TV filling the room.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I said, “I just . . . I want to save myself, oral sex or just sex.” I saw him pursing his lips from the corner of my eyes. “I’m waiting for the right moment and . . . I don’t know. I don’t think it’s now.” He nodded. I scooted closer to him. “I’m sorry, but I really love you. Do you want to wait for me?”

He turned to look at me in the eyes, his gaze fought through his beautiful eyelashes. “Of course I do,” he smiled lovingly. “I’m actually really glad you’re telling me this.” That was what he said, but I still sensed the awkwardness radiating from him.

“Thank you,” I smiled and kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said as I put my head against his chest and felt him kissing the top of my head.

Am I doing the right thing? We’ve been dating for three years, and a three years relationship with no sex is a hell of a temptation – at least, if you’re not a virgin. I’m not even letting him giving me oral, let alone have I ever given him oral. I just hope that this decision is right – I hope that this is not going to cost me our relationship.