Immortality Meant Never Dying

The next night

She found her self lying on the same dark floor with Gerard sitting beside her. He seemed to be angry with her, but something was hidden behind his eyes, something vicious and evil. Carmilla sat up on the floor. Her dress was dirty from all the dust in the room. She looked up at Gerard, she was kind of afraid to look into his eyes. She was afraid to see how furious he was. Then all of the sudden she felt as if she hadn’t fed in days, she needed blood. She could see Gerard clearly now, even though there was no light in the room. He was wearing black, a three piece outfit. She hadn’t really been looking at his clothes before now, and she didn’t really know why she noticed it now. She sat still on the floor just looking at his clothes, she noticed his black hair again, it wasn't long, but it wasn't short either. He hadn’t tied it with the leather thong this time. All of the sudden he was standing behind her.

“Get up!” he said demandingly to her. She did as she was told. “I will not have you leave me like that again. Your punishment will be hard if you do it again!” his voice was harsh and not at all as beautiful as it had been before.

“Do you understand me?” he demanded. She nodded silently, he scared her. She didn’t dare to do anything but to obey him. Gerard walked around her so that he was standing in front of her again.

“Now come, you need to feed.” His voice was still angry and harsh, but Carmilla could at some point understand him, even though she had asked him to stop. She had wanted him as much as he had wanted her, her mind was just the one to say stop. She had fooled him, or her body had. She didn’t look him in his eyes. She tried to look at something behind him, even though there was nothing but black darkness there. She looked down, but couldn’t as Gerard put his hand under her chin to make her look at him. Then he took her arm and led her out the door, out into the dark night.

They arrived at the doorstep to a tavern.

“This is an easy place to find pray. But in here, we don’t bleed them dry.” He said. His voice was cold. Carmilla couldn’t find any affection for her in his voice now. She had really disobeyed him. Even though he had done something to her she didn’t want. They walked in and found a table. They sat down and looked around. Carmilla had never seen a place like this. She had been isolated in her short life.

“Why do people come here?” she asked Gerard.

“It’s because they need a place to meet up. It’s a place to gamble and a place to find pleasure ladies.” He said. He smiled to the thought. He had found pretty girls there once and he had fed on them shamelessly.

“I still don’t understand why they come here” she said. Gerard sighed.

“Some people aren’t happy in their arranged marriages so they come here to drown their sorrows in other things.” He said.

“Or they’ve lost someone they loved enough for their death to have ruined their lives” he added. Carmilla looked around at them. He was right. Most of the men were cheating but a little group sitting at the same table was full of sorrow. She felt sorrow for them. Those were the ones she wanted to hunt. She wanted to be their saviouress and to be able to end their sorrows.

“It’s so sad.” She said.

“Is it really?” he asked her looking at her with his piercing eyes.

“Yes.” She answered and looked at the sorrowful ones.

“Then what do you think of me, am I sad in your eyes as well?” he asked.

“Am I sad because I love you and you don’t really want to love me back? That I’ve made a mistake in making you I knew, and I made a mistake asking your father for your hand. But am I one of those sad men?” he asked her. She remained silent. She knew that she hadn’t been fair to him. He had asked her father for her hand, but would he have asked her afterwards?

“What if I hadn’t been so ignorant of other people? What would you have done? Would you have spent time with me to see if we could talk together?” she asked him looking away. He looked at her.

“You would never do that. It’s not your nature. You dislike men that likes you.” He pointed out.

“Not true” she answered back.

“Non? Look at it this way. You refused all that ever asked for your hand. You didn’t put yourself out there for men to find you interesting. And most importantly, you didn’t know what you were saying no to.” He said. The laughter and noise from the tavern guests kept their conversation between them.

“I’m not like that.” She answered back. She had her defences up.

“You are, Darling, and you know it. If you had taken the time to get to know me in the first place, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me before you were ready and you would have had a sibling to love” he pointed out again. Carmilla knew he was right.

“I don’t think I would have liked you any more if I gave myself the time to talk to you before all this.” Carmilla replied. But she knew she was wrong. She hated him because she loved him, and she hated herself for loving him.

“Why do you hate me so much?” he asked her. His face had shifted. He couldn’t hide it anymore. It hurt him that even his childe that he loved despite her making, hated him.

“I don’t know. You made me, you must know. Is it normal for one like me…”

“A childe” he corrected. She looked at him.

“…a childe like me to hate her maker?” she asked him.

“No.” he said. But he didn’t continue.

“Why do I hate you then?” she asked. “Am I just different than everyone else you’ve made? Am I a mistake, and God knows it, so he made me hate you?”

“I don’t believe in God, the church or anything like that. I don’t know why you hate me, you’re the only one that knows” he said. He looked at the wooden table.

“Perhaps that’s your flaw.” She said.

“It may be. But I know that a childe and his or her maker love one another. You’ll grow to love me.” He said. He wanted this conversation to be peaceful. He wanted it to make her see that he’s not just an evil and craving being.

“I will not” she protested, but she already knew he had a point. She loved him dearly and yet she hated him and herself for doing so.

“You will. You’re just too spoiled to want to admit it.” He said and got up. He walked to the bar and pretended to order something. He walked back to the table.

“You need to feed. Let’s go” he said. He took her hand. He was angry at her for being so stubborn. He almost dragged her out of the tavern. It had been a mistake to bring her there. He thought. He dragged her to an alley. The alley beside the tavern was full of drunken sleeping people. He scanned them. He walked a little into the alley and picked one of the men. He dragged the man up to the level of Gerard’s eyes, and with Carmilla watching he fed. A few seconds later Gerard dropped the body on the ground. He looked more alive, even though he was still too pale to pass completely as mortal. Carmilla looked at him. He had been violent in his drinking of the man’s blood. He had looked at her the entire time.

“Pick one and get it over with!” he said. Carmilla looked at the men, but didn’t want to walk to close to Gerard. She picked the one sitting closest to the street and dragged him to his feet as Gerard had done with his victim. She pierced his skin on the neck. She drank. She had never tried anything so euphoric before. Had he been drunk? She dropped him as Gerard had done. His heart was still beating those fighting last beats. Carmilla looked at him. She felt weird.

“Gerard… what’s happening?” she asked him shaking.

“He was drunk.” He just replied back. He hurried to her and lifted her up in his arm.

“You just need to sleep” he said calmingly to her.
He walked all the way back to the mansion with her in his arms. He walked slowly, enjoying every minute of her being close to him and not fighting him. He opened the gate with much difficulty and then walked to the door. He opened the door and walked in with her in his arms. Like a bridegroom with his bride. He walked to the corridor and soon he was by her coffin. He was watching her fall deeper and deeper into the sleep of the immortals. He smiled and walked to his own room.