Flesh

The turning world can't look beautiful to me. Nothing but a black iris bud at the beginnings of its bloom. Not out of these eyes. Eyes tortured from the blackness of the past. Eyes no one can stand to face.
Eyes belonging to a body belonging to a soul ripped by daggers, daggers dragged so slowly the pain swirled unbearable.
Claws and branches entwining my frail neglected body forcing my mind to face the painfully icy breath of reality. To breath the suffering air of nightmares.
The blood red petal fell from the rose in my hand. My grip tightened, the thorns tearing at my delicate skin, I could feel my cold, black blood trickling between my fingers.
Behind my closed eye lids so many memories flashed like a light show, a mirror shattering, daunting reflection, its cold shard slicing at my mind. It was cruel really, seeing this glint of fear that had already brushed over years ago.
I let the cool winters air and the smell of the evening wash over me, my face cocked to one side, hair whipping round my pulled back shoulders and the sounds around me ringing so much clearer from the absence of my eye sight.
I let my eye lids flutter open and gasped a little. I wasn't aware of how close to the edge of the cliff I had become, I looked down as bits of stone from under my bare toes crumbled and fell below.
The city below wasn't the golden flicker of light it once was, a concrete jungle buzzing with life and billowing with smoke from cars. Where I went to school. Where I fell in love. Where I grew up.
Sometimes I wonder if its a good thing cities are no longer inhabited. But then the sadness drowns me and closes unbearable over my head as I look at the shrubs that have started to climb and wrap the wrecks and buildings, the beauty of the huge silvery moon embedded in the velvet sky that now looks down on... nothing. Nothing but fresh and old blood alike.
How rude of me, not to introduce myself.
Aldorina.
I looked round at the old, far dead, dithering trees and turned my back on the ghostly city, letting my feet lead the way.
I can't say I feel emotions any more. So I'm not quite sure how to put this. But this story is the story you find that shakes with dust, frail pages that hold the unexpected, and disturbed spirits that slide between its towering letters.
So if you don't want your soul to be crushed along side mine.
Walk away.
But remember friends...
how ever far you run they will always get you.
The blood will always come.

“Mum you need to hurry.” I fidgeted, my hands placed firmly on my lap as I took my gaze from the awaking city.
“Mum.” my mother looked over her shoulder at me for a split second with the usual scowl on her face.
“Yes but I can't help having to stop for Mr Helsons coffees. Its part of my job you know!” she told me, her stern glare back on the road, her phone flipped open as she tried to text some one.
“It is your job.” I snapped.
“What am I?” she asked quietly.
“Mr Helsons PA-” I started,
“Exactly! Not Coffee Collector. Is that what it said on the application? NO!”
“Yes but if they put Coffee Collector on it no ones going to take the job are they? But then again, the name 'Mr Helson' should of scared anyone off in the first sentence. SHOULD of.”
“That's enough Aldorina. Your tongue is bitter so keep it in your mouth.” I slumped back on the chair not caring her knuckles whiten on the steering wheel.
“You just know I'm right.” she ignored that so I pressed one more button. “Things will be so much better when dad gets back.” Dad had flown away for a couple of months to Dubai to try out a new job. If he likes it we'll move there. Knowing he most probably won't, we'll stay.
“Do you want to walk to school?” she cried, slamming on the break so several annoyed honks came from behind.
“Yeah okay I will.” I challenged her. There was a moment of hesitation.
“Don't be daft.” she snapped and revved the car a little before going on.
She dropped me off to school and I slammed the door with out a word.
I ran in and stuffed my coat into my locker.
“Late again Aldorina.” I jumped slamming the door and span around to see Mac leaning on the door of his locker, hands in pockets, grinning.
“Gotcha.” I tightened my jaw and walked past him like he wasn't there.
He put his hands out innocently.
“Hey, beautiful I didn't mean it!” he ran in front of me and I just shoved past him.
“I'm not in the mood Mac.” I told him and he caught my arm and placed a finger under my chin.
“Hey, what's up?” I softened slightly and melted into his words.
“I...” I shook my head and protested with my body language to move.
“Go on.” he told me with raised eye brows.
“With dad gone for so long mums on her wits end with me.” I sighed. He looked at me a little wistfully.
“It will change, remember its only temporary. Have your tried speaking to your mum?” I smacked his arm.
“Who are you? Agony aunt.” He looked at me with huge, offended eyes.
“No!” his voice trembled. “Agony Uncle, duh!” he broke into laughs and I looked at him with slits for eyes.
“Oh piss of Mac.” I told him harshly and ran off to my first class, with him close on my heels.
“I'm not sitting with you.” I told him so he kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “no, I'm not sitting with you.”
He punched me lightly on the shoulder before bouncing off to the other side of the room. I dumped my bag next to my desk along side Morgan and slumped in my seat.
“He drains me.” I told her. She nodded, slightly distracted from her previous conversation.
“Yes but you love him,” I leaned back and sighed loudly, there was no denying it.
“Well then love is bloody exhausting.” I told her trying to put my attention to the teacher that walked in looking like he was woken at two in the morning.
“Don't give up,” she encouraged, nudging me slightly with her elbow. I looked at her touched with amusement.
“I never give up.”
School was... as always... a complete bore. Studying for exams wasn't super fun, but hey. They'll be over soon.

I scraped one of the mettle chairs out from the cafeteria table and plonked myself down with my normal friends. Mac, Morgan, and Jay (every one has to have a gay friend).
“Okay, so let get this straight,” Jay started, his American accent always did it's best to annoy me, “I've been thinking-”
“as always,” Mac put in,
“I was thinking of maybe steering over towards the male modelling career-” I had just taken a swig of water from my bottle, water that I ended up spraying out, Moran's fork went flying and half her noodle salad landed on her lap, and Mac. Well Mac had been teetering on the edge of his chair, with his elbows on the table, so he fell off his chair and grabbed the table for support, the table then tipped and would of fell on him if I hadn't slammed down the other side. However everything on the table slid and ended up on him painting him in food.
“Jay!” we all cried accusingly and he held his hands up.
“What!” I shook my head and helped Mac up, then picked all the stuff off him and put it on the table, trying desperately to ignore the boggling eyes that were prying at my brain. Then the cafeteria out broke with jeers and laughs.
When I had finished I turned round with my hands on my hips. I mean Jay was pretty good looking, epically for a guy. However he was probably the smartest kid here, and modelling was the last thing ANYONE expected him to do. Its just not him and its funny imagining him fitting into that. It was just... so uncharacteristic.
“Jay, don't go bonkers.” I told him sternly, sitting down slowly and mopping up the mess on the table as Morgan picked bits of noodle from her skirt.
“Aldorina is right Jay... you? Modelling.” she sighed and shook her head. “I just don't see it.”
“Jeez Jay. I thought you'd be the next crazy scientist. That was quite a shock,” laughed Mac.
“Okay. I'll have to succeed on my own, with out any of moral support.” he gave a sniff, clutched his bag to his side and stalked off. We looked after him yearningly, then collapsed into laughter.
“Oh bless.” Morgan wiped away a tear from under her almond shape eyes. She had deep brown eyes, the same colour as her hair, and cute freckles. Silky hair always tied in a bunch with the same red ribbon... very original.
“Silly boy.” Mac winked at me.
My life was as normal as it gets. A normal girl, in a normal city, getting normal grades, doing normal things.
Average.
I got a taxi back to the flat as mum was still running round doing coffee rounds or shredding paper or what ever she does best.
I handed the driver a couple of ragged notes and stepped out into the mild city air before padding over to the wide door and pushing the key clumsily into the rusting lock.
Click and I'm in.
This flat did not have stairs that smelt of urine, gratified walls and a broken lift. It had classy beige walls, laminated floor and white doors smelling of polish.
I went to number three and pushed the door open, the darkness over whelming me. Dropping my bags I scrambled round the walls in search of a switch, stubbing my toe painfully and swearing into the darkness. I found the switch, however the lights weren't turning on and despite the mild weather outside there was a spine seeping coldness about the place.
I gave up my mission to turn the hall way light on and hoped down to my bedroom door still cursing over my toe.
There was something eerie about the air, like it was disturbed not empty. I shivered and swung my door open, it sent a breeze curling down my spine and standing my hairs on end. I wasn't sure why my heart started to hammer, hot blood surging through my finger tips so much it was nearly painful.
I flicked for the switch and oddly, unlike the hall way, it worked.
I let my eyes adjust.
Then I could see.
My heart walloped against my chest and into my throat, my head span so that my vision hazed for a split second. I was constricted by my own fear and shock as I sucked in air for a scream that came out as a hoarse whisper.
There was a young girl standing in the middle of the room. I stumbled back.
Not a normal girl.
Her skin was a pale blue and you could see dark veins under her skin. Parts of her were so old I could see the bone. Blood dripped slowly out of her mouth, onto her shoulders. Her eyes... her eyes were black where its normally white then golden then white where its normally black, in the pupil.
Despite it all she still had vibes of beauty, deathly, poisonous beauty.
Then I blinked and she was gone, gone but left a splash of blood on my cream carpet.
It was so brief, so horrible at first I thought it was a fragment of my imagination, how ever something told my it wasn't. The fragment was large enough to splice into my consciousness that made the ground spin towards me.
I spent that evening staring at a blank wall thinking, my mind often wondering. I spent the whole time shaking and flinching at ever tiny creak. Every movement. Wanting to put music on to break the silence but not so I could hear any approaching footsteps. It was horrible. The feeling of death breathing on my shoulder. Until I herd the door opening (making me jump), and ran to mum. She looked at me a little startled before placing her keys on the side.
“Hey Aldorina... your rather pale.” she shook her head at me. “You've been watching those DVDs I band from you haven't you? How many times Nina... they're SO unsuitable-”
“Mum shut up,” I told her grabbing her wrist and pulling her to my room, she tripped a little in her tight pencil skirt.
“Careful Nina, what are you-” I opened my door and pointed to the dark, nearly black, blood that was soaking into my cream carpet.
“You see?” I asked quietly, scared she'd freak out.
“See what? What am I looking at?” she peered round with the same manor a lady would look over her neighbours fence to see if their lawn was better than hers.
“The blood mum, the dark, glossy stuff SPLATTERED on my carpet?” she went pale and clutched my arm.
“Oh god where Aldorina?” I rolled my eyes,
“In the middle of my room, on the carpet.” she stared exactly at it and then to me.
“What are you trying to do Nina? I'm tired, my feet hurt-” she slipped off her high heels and chucked them to the side where she leaned on the door frame rubbing her souls, “I'm not sure what your doing but it isn't working. I'm not in the mood.” I stared at her in horror.
“You don't see it?” I whispered, my voice cracking. She looked at me like it was some type of sick joke.
“You feeling okay?” she said, and with out waiting for an answer limped off to the kitchen with her crippled heels.
“[iShit.]” I thought discreetly closing the door and following after in rage.
“Are you playing games with me?!” I nearly yelled at her. Some random decaying, beautiful kid leaves blood on my carpet, blood that's pretty much black but with red edges.
She spun round at me, a mug in one hand, milk in the other. “look, I know we had a bad morning but we need to calm it. Okay?”
“YOU HAD TO SEE THE BLOOD.” I slammed my fist down on the table, “You looked right at it! What the hell?” she looked at my out tight but concerned eyes. Her forehead creasing.
“Do you want the doctor Nina,” I stumbled back and looked at her in betrayal.
“Is the carpet cleaner above the tumble dryer?” I said, desperate to avoid her meaningless questions. She looked down at her occupied hand warily then closed the protests in her mind off and nodded.
I snatch a mettle bowl, filled it with warm water and added the carpet cleaner. Then I eventually found a brush in a little green basket.
I was scared to open the door of my room, it set my heart plummeting. I could hear my pulse throbbing in my ears. But no one was there as I pushed the door open to the already lit room. Plus the hallway light was working.
I set down on my knees reluctantly next to the blood. Dipped my brush into the water and scrubbed. Nothing happened. It was as if the blood wasn't there. I touched it with my hands and it dripped off my finger tips however it left no splash of movement in the puddel, like I hadn't touched it. The brush was a dark reddish, black. The water was the same – it should be dipped with red, and I had splattered it down my front but my clothes remained dry, however it still remained on the carpet, same as ever. Same amount.
I ran into the lounge where mum was watching desperate housewives, and pointed at my school skirt and shirt.
“Its all over me!” I cried. “It won't come off.” she looked at me from over her shoulder then flicked the TV off.”
“I'm calling the doctor.” she stood up and went over to the phone,
“Mum? What the-”
“There is nothing on you! You are spotless apart from a little bit of toothpaste on your collar! No blood. No nothing. Okay? I think I just need to at least notify them. I mean its not as if you've taken any drugs or-” she looked ta me with dark eyes. “have you?”
“You think I'm hallucinating?!” I bellowed. She looked at me, almost feeling a little ashamed for admitting it.
“Well what else?” she asked sternly. “What. Else?” I took a deep breath, although it trembled in my throat and burned my eyes. I placed my hands either side of her shoulders.
“Mum. It's okay. You don't need to worry. I had a late night and a seriously bad night mare. You know how it is with me after night mares, seeing stuff out the corner of my eyes?” I lied, I had no nightmare last night.
She still looked uncertain
“Please trust me.” she very slowly put the phone back on her hook and turned round to me.
“Last chance. I'm worried.” I shook my head and almost laughed in exultation.
“Don't. There's no need.” but the minute she wasn't looking my face faltered.
Crap. Crap. CRAP. This isn't normal. This isn't normal at all.
That night the only thing I saw in my dream was the girl, standing there like a rag doll on strings. Not a puppet because she wasn't moving. Although her lips made odd, but small movements. Like she was trying to breath.
“I'm hitching a lift from Jay. He's finally allowed to drive his new car-”
“Err, how old is he?” my mum asked grabbing a cereal bar and putting her coat on. The blood was still on the carpet, and still on my clothes. I had spent nearly the whole night crying over it as I ravenously scrubbed it from the floor. Clothes I had stuffed away, and I had put a cookery book over the blood so I wouldn't have to be reminded.
“Mum, it doesn't matter! Its a Fiat 500 convertible... it was his dads before he buggered off and told him he might as well have it 'cos his new girl friend had tons of cash... and his older brother told him how to drive it.”
“I'm not-”
“Oh god mum, I remember his brothers driving him on Tuesdays any way because he has work in the café and his cars currently bust. Sorry.” I lied... again.
“You know what? I'm in such a rush I'm going to believe you. But if you end up in hospital, I swear to god.” she pointed her finger at me and left with the sentence unfinished. The minute I was alone the coldness of yesterday evening seeped into the air and then a feeling over whelmed me of being watched.
The hairs on the nape of my neck rose, sending a shiver rolling down my spine. I grabbed my school bag and ran from the house. Outside was so outstandingly normal I immediately felt stupid for even thinking of the whole being watched thing. In fact it must be the blood getting to me. Oh gosh I didn't even want to think about the girl and the blood. I needed to focus on the fact I could just be vividly imagining stuff. Although I didn't convince myself. Oh gosh was I going mad.
I felt like screaming and was about to wallop the wall when Jay turned up. Jay could not be more gay. But I loved him for it.
“Hey girlfriend.” he pushed the door open so I could climb in.
“Err why do you have the roof down? Its not exactly warm.” I laughed as I climbed in, still nauseated and trapped inside my head.
“You look awfully pale today.” he said starting the cars engine and speeding along so the wind ruffled our hair. “I'm sorry about yesterday by the way Nina.” he looked away sheepishly but I patted his knee.
“Oh please don't touch my leg if I'm not wearing skinny jeans. These school trousers don't do anything for my figure.” I laughed and nodded.
“Okay. Don't worry about it.” he glanced at me.
“On the subject of worrying...” he frowned.
“Does it show that bad?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“You look like something dreadful is going to appear out of no where. Your on the edge. Take a chill pill, there's some in the glove compartment.” he nodded in front of my knees. Not sure whether or not he was joking I shook my head.
“I'm fine. Me and mum are just a bit shaky at the moment.” this wasn't strictly untrue. “But dad will be back soon so we can be a family together. Maybe get a house. Plus she won't be as stressed.” he nodded.
“So true honey. Trust me, I know. Your hair looks sweet today by the way.” I smiled at him and fingered my hair, so pale it was literally white.
“But I never do anything with it!”
“That's why it looks so nice. A little teased, a little waved, perfect thickness, nicely messy.”
“Thank you. I count on you when you say you like the style your seeing.” I told him, adjusting my black hair bow slightly.
“You herd anything from Terry lately?” he waved me off before changing gear.
“I'm not bothering with him any more. We're done.”
“You upset about it?” I asked slowly and he gave a sad laugh.
“Not about him. But it does make me wonder if I'm ever going to get any one.” I squeezed his arm.
“You have so much life left to live. I wouldn't go hectic on it now.”
“Oh you are too right.” he replied with his American twang.
He flicked his hair a little with his head as we pulled up onto a road near the school. Jay didn't actually have a licence to drive so he couldn't park in school. How ever he looked old enough, mature and all, a lot of conman sense, although not buff and muscular.
He put his roof up and climbed out, running round to open the door for me as I gathered my stuff up. I looked at him amused. Normally I'd just kick the door open and trip out.
“Thank you Jay.” I gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek. Being so happy to know he wont care.
“You want a lift back home?” he asked.
“Don't worry, Macs taking me on his scooter.” I laughed.
“Sorry. Dumb question. But I've never under stood the difference between motor bike and scooter. They look the same.”
“Scooter is safer, cheaper and slower.” I dragged on the last word as we linked arms and walked to school.
“Thought so.” I looked at him disbelievingly and he held his hands up innocently.
“Its not my expertise. I'm more into fashion if you hadn't noticed.” I laughed.
“Good, because your very skilled at it.” he nudged me in the ribs. Mac was sitting on the bench with his mates, but when he saw me he broke from them and bounced over.
“Aldorina! How are we in these fine days?” he joked. I gave him a half smile.
“Hey MacDonald.” I told him, eyeing the chips in his hand.
“Break fast. Its in my nature, the hints in the name.”
“Mac!” I laughed shakily.
“Your worried about something.” he told me and I shook my head. As we walked towards our lockers.
“What would I be-” I stopped. My heart busting through my chest. I felt the colour fall from my cheeks, my eyes roll in my head and my stomach felt as if it was torn from my body.
One single hand print of blood on my locker. I was hardly aware of Mac as I stood frozen on the spot, staring at it.
“Nina? Nina!” they were waving hands in front of me. But I just walked forward a couple of steps. Unaware of what my body was doing, my eyes fixated on the locker and I opened it.
And then screamed.
Not only did I see a flash of those black and gold eyes inside it, but once they were gone blood poured from my locker. It spilled round my feet, dripped from the inside of it and soaked into all my stuff. I felt tears of horror swell up in my eyes.
“Nina? What is it? Nina!” I stared round and gripped Macs collar, despite the tons of people who were staring.
“Tell it to stop. Tell it to stop Mac. TELL IT.” I screamed and he took my face firmly in his hands.
“Nina calm.” I was shaking so bad. I tried to wipe the blood off my hands but it wasn't coming.
“Mac its not coming off. Mac please get it off. Mac its scaring me. PLEASE.” I started to wail and he had to hold my wrists to contain me.
“Fuck off the lot of you!” he cried to the standers by, who scampered reluctantly in dibs and dabs. But I was so disillusioned to notice. The pain and terror filled me and I retched a little at his feet. I looked back at the locker, still dripping.
“Can't you see it Mac?” I nodded towards the locker, wiping my mouth with my sleeve.
“See what?” I moaned.
“The blood, the blackened blood. The darkest red I've ever seen.”
“Okay calm down. No one else can see it. Its not there,” he pointed at the locker, “Its here,” he tapped on my head.
“Our minds all play tricks on us sometimes.” Jay put in, my my knees gave way and I fell.
I woke up, my head burning at the back, in the medical room.
“Aldorina. How you feeling?”
“Shit.” I told her, and she gave me a disapproving look.
“Mac and Jay told me you were upset with home and you were yelling about it, then you were a tiny bit sick and you have a phobia thing going on with sick so you fainted. How ever its on none of your health forms.”
“I've always had a thing about sick. I wouldn't class it as a phobia though. I hadn't eaten this morning, and nothing last night,” (not surprisingly), “so I guess it just made me weak and seeing the sick was the last thing for me. Now its out of my system I'm actually feeling pretty alert. I'll have my lunch so that I'll feel better.” I lied, my insides were churning and churning.
“We called home but no one answered then we called mobile but it was off so we called work and your mums in a meeting.” where she spends half her life.
“Oh jeez I don't need to go home, I'm -” I couldn't push my self to say the word fine. So I let the words
“Alight,” roll off my tongue. “I'm alrighty to stay in school.” I told her to look down at my blood soaked clothes and felt a spasm of fear uncurl inside me.
Was someone, something trying to communicate with me? Who the hell was that girl? I shook off my head, imagining my many questions being shake off, and left the medical room expecting the worse from my friends.
Not sure if I could speak as my insides were shaking from fear.