Flesh

Brown hair down and windswept. Dark circles under her eyes... looking like she hadn't been out in a while. Looking like she'd lost sleep worrying.
“Oh my gosh its Morgan.” I said gripping at his arm, bag sliding up my arm, and trying to tug him away, then realised that the few people on the street looked around in bemusement.
Be careful woman Colias snapped, but took my wrist and tried to steer me away. It was too late.
“Nina...? Nina. NINA!” she screamed, dropping her cigarette (since when did she smoke, she hated smoking), and pelted towards me.
Don't let her touch you. We have to get out of here. She was right in front of me now, I was stuck to the spot. Her eyes glittering in worry and happiness. She looked aged.
“Nina you look different,” she stopped as she went to hug me. As if worried she got the wrong person.
Aldornina, go.. NOW
I looked into her eyes, trying to project apologies, and turned and ran. She followed me. I paused by the corner.
I'm sorry. I whispered to her mind making her tumble slightly. We stood there staring at each other and her face crumpled as tears started spilling down her cheeks.
“Nina! Hunni. Come home with me. We'll get help for what ever happened to you.” she held out a hand but I was shoved aside before I could consider it, and Colias stood in front of me.
He stared at me and suddenly she screamed and dropped to her knees clutching her head.
“STOP IT!” I yelled to him, smacking his arm. But he took my arm , wheeled me round and chucked me onto the bike. Speeding down the dusty road.
When we arrived I faced him.
“You hurt her.” He nodded.
“I know... I'm so sorry.” he didn't sound like he meant it. “I don't think you'd under stand what would of happened if humans found anything out about us.”
“What?” I trembled. He looked down at me.
“Spirits use them as a base. Follow them at night. Drive them mad because they know about the dead.” I shuddered.
“Then I should thank you for saving Morgan's life.”
“More her sanity. But... Accepted.” he smiled and I was seeing who he really was again.
Maybe the laughing was a cover up. The mask he hid behind so feebly. Or he'd just forgotten his human self and became an emotionless monster. Then thought seemed a tad disturbing, let alone made me dizzy.
“Why do you pretend to be some one your not.”
“I told you, I'm scared.” he didn't deny it. I leaned into him.
“But your marrying some one you don't love.” I nearly cried in desperation, but I couldn't help to feel a tiny bit more sympathy for Amanda who had fallen in love with a jerk.
“So I don't experience love.”
“But...” I put my hand on my chest and looked down at the front, “does it mean you have to act all the time against your will?” he let the back of his hand trace down the side of my face painstakingly.
“Then play along will you.” he hardly breathed.
“I hate this.” I moaned. A sort of electricity started whizzing round us, I felt it in my finger tips. And I started to cry.
Because I hated him so much and there was this unbearable connection. I'd rather kill myself then be with him but he was playing me and I wasn't sure which side was his true feelings.
So I cried.
About everything that had happened. To release all my feelings. And he hugged me, his arms wrapping protectively round my body, I entwined my arms into his and rested me head on his chest, sobbing pain into suffering air.
Suddenly his head jerked off as if some on whispered in his ear.
“Amanda wants me.” he said robotically, turned and left me feeling like a pile of broken down shit soaking into the mud.

“Hello Nina.” I spun around from deep thinking time to see Amanda leaning on the door. She had fresh stitching across her right cheek and part of her neck bones were starting to show on one side.
“Um. Amanda?” I tried to sound friendly. But her cold, slicing words and hard stony face wasn't helping. She broke out into one of her cruel, sweet smiles. Slick as oil that shouldn't be.
“How are you.” she sauntered in and sat gingerly on the end of my bed, swinging her dangling legs. Still smiley but eyes projecting evil.
“Cut to the chase Amanda,” I sighed, hating that sickly smile. She leaned close to me and for a moment I thought she was going to kiss me. But instead her face twisted into a creature from a night mare and she looked like a descendent from the devil.
“You. Messed. With. My. Future. Husband.” I just stared at her, motionless. “I know what your trying to do.” she hissed, making ice trickle down my back.
“I'm not trying -” but she cut me off.
“I'm sure you weren't trying to piss me off because thats ones of the most foolish things to do -”
“It was him not me!”
“Ahh so you admit it and now you turn the blame on your little girly crush?”
“I um, I- this is ridiculous!” I stuttered and tumbled over my words.
“How would you like it if some one tried to have sex with your Mac? And yes I know about Mac.”
“I'd kill them! And any way, we wern't-”
“To bad I can't kill you.” She sighed, as if considering it something equally bad. Her head flicked back to me from staring at the ceiling.
“Your a whore.” I stumbled back and my face crossed clean with disgust.
“No i'm not!”
“Yes you are.” she taunted, then crossed her legs and folded her hands on top.
“Say sorry,”
“For doing what exactly?” I shouted stubbornly.
“For messing with my fiancée.” she said quietly, not reaching up to my shouting leval but constricting me with a hell lot more hate.

“ No I'm not apologising for something I haven't done. NO. Now get out of my room.
“What was it you were most scared of when you were little?” she asked calmly, and stupidly I found myself answering.
“Clowns.” it wasn't original. It was because some one at school showed me a scary maze game and this horrible clown popped up and I was dragged along to the circus for my birthday and a clown threw a pie in my face. It was a blue berry pie and I was allergic. It was horrible.
Her face went back to its signature smile.
“Ahh so sweet. I hope you'll think twice before you go after my boy next time.” she tapped my head. “Good girl.”
And left the room, swinging the door shut behind her, leaving a man, a clown, standing there. Staring at me.
Just staring.
He had one grotesque, red eye centred in his forehead, it was sunken and black rimmed with oily skin in folds around it. Like it was infected. No nose. And a sad, red smile. He had a tear drop painted on his white cheeks but had a rope round his neck. His neck and wrists was bruised purple-red and rubbed so raw they were bleeding.
I scrambled back on my bed but didn't give Amanda the pleasure of my scream.
He took one step towards me, one lop sided, slow step. The way zombies walk in the movies.
“Stop.” I tried to say, but it didn't work. Half a minute later he took another step.
I knew it wasn't there, there was no mind... but it seemed so real I couldn't not be terrified.
Blood started to trickle from his eyes, mouth and ears. A bright feverish red.
He carried on towards me. Another step. I glanced behind at the window and darted to it, lifting it up with my fingers and flinging myself out landing in a crouch and straightening out to see a clown in front of me, nose close. I backed onto the wall as he stumbled towards me.
I screamed this time as his iron grip closed round my throat and shoved me into the wall. He was constricting me so much my vision went, then I felt his lips on my throat before his teeth ripped and pain seared through my body as I felt blood pour onto my feet. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breath. I felt disconnected and my pulse was raging in my ears. I shut my eyes as I felt death press on me for the second time. I knew I couldn't fight. My breathing stopped. My senses became distance and I felt my self slipping down the wall...

“Aldorina?” some one put a hand on my face. “Hello?” I opened my eyes, startled, to see Lisa leaning over me and the day now light.
“Oh my god.” I cried and jumped up. Having a complete panic attack. “Oh my god. Ohmygod.” I cried realising I could breath.
I screamed remembering what had happened.
“Woah Nina. What happened.” my hand flew to my throat, it hadn't been ripped out. I looked down at my feet. No black blood.
“Oh my god.” I said again, more relived. “I thought a clown ripped my throat out.” I said before I realised how mad it sounded.
“Oh my dear.” Lisa took my hands in hers and looked at my eyes.
“That must have been terrifying. But I must question. What did you do.”
“I'm sorry... what?”
“To Amanda, to make you see that.” I hesitated, but the thought of keeping things from Lisa... lovely Lisa after how she treated me.
“Apparently I've been 'after' Colias.” she chuckled.
“Ahh. She gave it to you hard. She's nice really. If you get on her right side. And your probably have plenty of years.” She laughed again, shakily. I nodded. My mind some where else.
“When I 'died' I must of died of something.” I pondered to her.
“Yes. All of us did. But you... you didn't how ever you were changing. And we had no idea what to do, so I killed you.” she gave a little shrug. “Sorry.”
“And you?” I asked, hoping not to be to personal.
“I... was murdered. But destiny had it coming, I would of died one way or another. So I would be what I am now. The memory sticks to me like a ticking grenade, I can never ignore it but when I dwell on it to much it's due to explode.”
“Sorry.” I muttered.
“I hate this.” She choked on her words.
“But then again? Who wouldn't.” it was the first sentence she hadn't said calmly or adultly. “Lets hurry inside, shall we not?” she asked as the morning dawned, the sky a bruised pink.
I walked inside to see Amanda kneeling on the sofa next to Colias trying to kiss him. But he kept turning his head in rejection.
“Not now Amanda, please. I'm weary.” I focused on Amanda's mind.
What is his problem? Is this that Nina girl. What does he see in her? Does he see anything in her? Do I really know they're after each other!? Oh for god sake brain shut up already. Of course they are. NOW KISS ME WILL YOU. she took his head and looked into his eyes.
“You will kiss me like you never kissed any one in all your life.” she hissed and the next second he was on top of her, pulling her up they were kissing so hard.
I left the room feeling sick.
“Wow.” Lisa muttered. “I've never really seen them like that before?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to sound innocently casual as I eyed through her papers.
“Well Amanda, I hate to say, has turned Colias into some sort of puppet. I've never seen him corporate.”
“She made him.” I said firmly, not sure why jealousy spiked into my system.
“What?” her head flicked up at me.
“She looked into his eyes and told him to kiss her.” I sighed, running me finger along the old book cases that lined the red carpeted room, and pulled out one of the gold chairs.
She set a candle in the middle of the table, closed her eyes and made a flamed spring to life on it. I guess fire was part of nature right?
“Well that's...” she shook her head, not wanting to say what she thought and I owed her the privacy of her mind. “oh dear, poor Colias.”
I nodded in agreement but couldn't help a slight thrill unroll at the thought that, he obviously didn't love her and that he chose to be as ridged as he was. So I didn't have to be attracted to him... right? but then I felt some one rip a blade into my stomach.
Mac.
Mac my baby. I wanted to be sick at the thought of giving up my kind, caring boy for a boy who hides behind hatred.
Ugh.
I shuddered, appalled at my self.
“I got the uniform.” I tried to brighten the mood. Although it was yesterday I had purchased it and I'm sure she already knew.
“And bumped into a friend I hear.” she looked clearly upset. “That must have been very hard for you.”
“Don't worry, they'll be dead soon.” I whipped around to see Amanda smirking in the door way. She broke into one of her smiles as she walked towards us and pulled out a chair. Her lip gloss smudged round her mouth.
Apologise to her to what ever you did other wise she'll be like this until we find the path to the dead – and even then she'll haunt you for the rest of eternity. Its better to say sorry earlier.
I tried not to show any sign that Lisa had said that to me.
“I need to eat.” Lisa smiled pushing her books aside and padding down the stairs to the basement. Leaving Amanda staring icily at me.
“Look Amanda. I'm really sorry for showing any interest in Colias. I shouldn't had done it and, um, it won't happen again.” I wish didn't have to eat my words.
This time her smile was soft, she held a hand out for me to shake.
“Welcome to the dead Nina.” I was scared but I shook her hand any way and our eyes connected for longer than comfortable. And something clicked.
I wouldn't be after Colias ever. If you change into a monster, along side dying, your certain to have some odd hormonal things going on.
My lust for him must be a simply desire for a boy. Maybe I missed Mac more than I knew. I sighed and shook my head.
“I've messed up haven't I.” it wasn't a question. I realised what I had tried to do with some one I hardly knew, the thought of a stranger going after Mac made me shiver. Though the fact still remained that he didn't love her. A fact I had to over look and get on with what ever it was I required to do.
“Correct. Tell me more about Mac?” I looked at her in dismay for invading my thoughts. “I had to check to see if you were going to be loyal to your word. I hate liars .”she shrugged, being perfectly honest. I sighed.
“Mac is the guy I'm in love with. I think my 'desire' for Colias was really my desire for Mac. I had no idea how much I loved him till now. He was the guy I lost my virginity to and I've been with him ever since.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen.” I answered, not put off by the personal question. I was about to ask her, but I'd rather not know, what with her father.
Now I was looking at Amanda genuinely I realised how beautiful she was. With her amazing, shimmering hair and vibrant eyes.
Flawless skin which was probably tinged with the most blue out of all of us. Her veins showed through from the corners of her eyes, cracking down to her cheeks.
She loved to dress up in her Victorian gowns, they went down to her ankles and trailed after her heels. poofing out at her arse and gathering at the front. Beautiful fabrics.
It was cute and beautiful.
“I wish I could look like you.” I sighed. Imaging my self with Amanda's face in my head. She smiled, a smile that slowly faltered and she scuttled back from her chair and gave a girlish scream, her hands, in fists, flying to her mouth.
I felt something happening to my face. It felt like my face was warm butter, or hot wax that was melting and changing.
“What?!” I cried. She pointed at me.
“Your face. Look in the mirror babe!” I ran over to a mirror on the wall and screamed. My face had taken the form of Amanda's. What I had pictured in my mind happening to my body, had happened.
“I think we found your gift to help you into the next life.” Amanda managed a rattled whisper. I imagined my face back to normal and I watched my face, grotesquely change, back to its outstanding structure. Then I imagined my self with black hair, just out of interest. Slowly black spread from my roots down to my hair ends. I shuddered and returned it to my original white.
“OI LISA. GET HERE NOW!” Amanda called, suddenly getting a burst of confidence and excitement.
Lisa appeared at from the basement, mess round her mouth, staring at us wide eyes.
“What?” she implied.
“We found dear Aldorina's gift!” she cried. Then turned to me. “By the way, our powers doesn't work when your wings are out, or when your... eating.” Lisa clapped her blood stained hands.
“What is it?” her voice bubbling in excitement.
“I'm a shifter.” I breathed. Her eyes, if possible, got even bigger.
“Can you change into an animal?” I was suddenly scared.
“I don't know!” I cried, trying not to hyperventilate.
“Okay calm down.” she rushed forward and placed her hands on my shoulders. Looking into my eyes soulfully.
“Now. Go into the other room. Remove your clothes, but leave the door open. If you can change into an animal, not just appearance, come in. If not. Put your clothes back on. Okay?” she asked so casually. I nodded slowly and walked, seeming slower than it was, to the other room and lifted my clothes over my head. I dropped to my knees and with werewolves movies in my head, thought it would be sensible to change to wolf. I couldn't really imagine being a cat or a rat right now.
I imaged my body changing to a silver wolf, my mind twisting as fear erupted in my stomach.
It didn't hurt, like wings ripping from my body. I'm not sure if the change was really physical, if I was honestly changing, or if I was just making people think I'd changed. It may be mental. But I didn't care right now as a ferocious hot feeling filled my ice cold body and I felt my body curl over and shrink.
But I knew instantly I hadn't turned into the traditional 'wolf' from the films, I had changed into a fluffy little wolf. Not a bony beast drawling over some dead human.
I padded into the next room, feeling completely odd on four legs. But apart from that I felt me still, just in a different body that was surprisingly easy to adapt to. Instinctual I guess.
Lisa and Amanda both shrieked.
“That isn't possible!” Lisa gasped. I did a turn and returned to the room, cringing as I went. I can ensure, I will stay away from animal transformations for as long as possible.
Returning to my normal state I curled up on the floor and sobbed into my knee, my clothes lying out next me.
I wanted my normal life. I don't want to be a child of the dead, part zombie, part fallen angel and part shape shifter or what ever it was called.
Aragh!
I wanted to scream!
“Oh my gosh – sorry.” I herd Colias come in, pivoted and scoot out. I looked over my shoulder to see his back and realised he had seen me stark naked.
That was just what I needed. This wasn't time to dwell.
I pulled my clothes on quickly. Tumbling up and feeling completely useless.
When I go back to school I'm pretending I'm some one I'm not.
I'm pretending I'm normal again. Then maybe I could convince myself I wasn't living a nightmare?
I came back in, Lisa beamed at me, Amanda just smiled and I looked at them hopelessly.
“So. You can go to school looking completely normal! Just alter a couple of things such as your eyes, and air brush the veins and hellooooo Nina!” she clapped her hands. I raised my eyebrows.
“But you've told the school all about-” she cut me off.
“No that was tonights conversation. They know you have health problems. But they apparently they're desperate for students to cover their school grounds.” it didn't sound like a very functional school.
“O...kay.” I shrugged. Not caring. As long as I could act for the next year or what ever, I'm fine.
“Hey. um. One question. If a human can see the black blood that we leave what does it mean? Oh and what is the back blood? And what do we do?”
“Well,” Lisa answered, “it means they're going to die soon. And the black blood symbolises death. If they can see it? Well i'm not sure.” she smiled lightly as if the subject was angelic.
“Why can't we use our gifts at moonrise? Or rather, when the moon is halfway.”
“Because you become a complete angel then. You leave blood no where, blood you've obviously blocked from seeing because as you know it can be disturbing, nor can use your tools or be tempted by flesh.”
I nodded. Wanting to cry again.
“Can I kill my self?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Hahaha, fool. Of course not. Amanda said to me. I scowled.
“Nope. The only thing you can do is let your body decay and rot away so your nothing but a lost spirit, pretty similar to that girl you met the other night.
I closed my eyes.
“No other options?” I trembled.
“Nope sorry. We've all been down that path though, trust me.”
“I just wish I could see my mum and friends again,” I moaned, “and after Morgan saw me they'll know I'm still alive and they'll have search parties for me. And for all they know Colias kidnapped me. I mean he did torture my best friend!” I cried throwing my hands up, palms itching, fingers twitching.
Lisa held her head in her hands then looked up at me.
“Your not very good at the self control business are you honey?” she asked.
“Yeah I'm a little bored now. Sorry Nina, Lisa. See you later.” she have a one motion wave and tumbled up the stairs, tripping over her dress.
“You need to work on looking slightly less, zombie, fallen angel. I tell you one think you won't be able to do is cover up the scars on your back from your wings. Wings that fold back inside our bodies every night so they have to rip out all over again.”
“Cheery.” I muttered, wanting to smash the mirror. She looked into from over her should then puffed her cheeks out.
“Is it me or is this house getting a little warm?” Colias poked his head nimbly from the window and made the temperature drop considerably with his presence. He grinned at me. Lisa walked over and closed the window.
“There. Now. Go think how your going to prepare your self for school.”
I swallowed. Let the drum roll and the curtains part because my huge act starts from here, so magnificent. So brilliant the girl her self starts to think its real.
I close my eyes and suddenly its there.
A over crowded theatre of many people in different coloured garments, smells waft so delicious and strong in the air. A quite murmur of expecting voices chime in with a the tuning of the deepest orchestra.
The curtains has ripples falling through them as props are set up behind, and hearts (if your alive), pounds pulses passionately but nervously as they wait at the side of the stage to enter.
Suddenly the lights fall, the room is lit by the dim glow of the exit lights, the high intricate ceiling can't be seen any more.
There are gentle strums from below as one single, dazzling light falls upon the rich, velvet curtains.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” a squat man with a large belly and a tail waist coat and top hat books, “now presenting... NINA!”
A drum roll lazily sounds from below the stage as the thick curtains drape to the side and a single beautiful girl stands in the middle. She is teetering on high shoes, with flawless skin and normal, diamond bright eyes. Her smile is remarkable with no scars of her lips being stitched together, and she bows to the crowd, already smelling the roses that will be thrown gently at her feet.
But suddenly the stage is tipping. It resembles her life. A down hill battle, only darkness at the end. And suddenly the crowd is gone. The lights are gone. The atmosphere slides from the building like a ghost, an echo. Her fellow actors are no where to be seen and a single tambourine is dropped, its clanging sound ringing out the same way a penny spines when you drop it.
Her shrieks and screams echo. Her blood turns cold. But the finely polished floor is nothing to hold onto as her finger tips bleed raw from trying to hold on, she gives up and falls into deaths clutches. Having no idea what she'll come out of at the other end.
And deciding she'd rather had not come out at all.