Quiet Little Monsters

Okay. So maybe I did care. I walked home after my little spat with Finn and found myself pondering whether or not I handled the situation correctly. Frankly, Finn knew things I needed to know. I wanted to meet his dad. I wanted to ask him questions. This was my bridge. Knowing was so close when Finn was around. When I arrived at the apartment, Luella confirmed my thoughts, even though I tried my hardest to fight them.

Are you sure you didn't overreact? Lu asked me.

"No! I didn't overreact... At least I don't think so," I finished feebly.

"Well," Lu finally spoke aloud, "You said so yourself that the kiss wasn't a big deal. So... don't make it one."

I paled. "Oh shit. I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yup. You did," Luella said, "Maybe it's just because you have a crush on him."

I stared at her.

"No. Luella. I don't," I stated.

"Okay, sure you don't," she said.

"Don't say it like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I actually do like him... because I don't. He's got a girlfriend and she's got a cool hipsterish nickname –Harry."

Shut up, Dolly, Luella laughed and kissed me on the forehead before going to her room.



The next day, after a night of much consideration and thought, I walked two streets up from the bakery to Vittoe's Recs.

I had maybe, unintentionally, kind of exaggerated the deal with Finn, I realized and made some chocolate cupcakes for him in order to apologize (kind of apologize because he was still a little bit of a jerk).

The record shop was a really cool place. Its walls were plastered with record posters and vinyls and incredible ticket stubs. It seemed like the kind of place you would never tell anyone about because it's just that special.

Anyway, Finn was in the front, stacking CDs in a bin. The shop was empty and I was suddenly very nervous. He hadn't noticed me, but I carefully headed to him, holding out my tray of cupcakes as a peace offering.

"Hi," I muttered.

Finn jerked up and smiled. I wished again he would stop that. His smile made my palms sweaty again.

"Hi, Dolly," he said and looked down at what I carried. "Are these for me?" he asked.

"Yes. No. Yes," I said and held out the tray for him.

"Thank you very much," Finn said and I passed the tray over to his hands. He nodded his head towards the front of the store where there was a counter and I followed him there.

"I just... wanted to tell you... I may have overreacted a teensy weensy, little bit," I muttered, pinching two fingers close together to emphasize my point.

"Really?" Finn said with a small smile and shook his head. "I was the one who acted like a fucking idiot. It's okay."

"Well, yeah. So. You're to blame too," I said with a grin.

"I will bear the burden," Finn said and winked.

"Well... Um. I must go now. Gavin and Bella must be opening up the bakery already," I muttered.

"You took my advice about hiring, huh?" Finn asked.

I said nothing but nodded.

"Uh, Dolly?" Finn said as I turned around to leave, "Do you want to have dinner? I promise not to act like a jackass."

My eyes narrowed on him. "I don't know..." I started.

"Come on," Finn said with another grin.

"Fine."

"I'll meet you at the bakery at seven," Finn called as I walked out of the record shop.



Seven o'clock rolled around soon enough and I began closing up shop. Gavin was silently wiping down the tables and Bella was storing the cookies which were no longer freshly baked into a bag for our donation to the soup kitchen. Bella's thoughts were dreamy and she was wondering if I would let her take some cookies home for her boyfriend while Gavin was merely wondering about what he was going to do about a French exam he had next week. I loved how kind Gavin's thoughts were. He was always considerate. Bella's thoughts also seemed to relent on the subject of my fashion sense. It was more because she preferred leather and combat boots to my own feathery style.

"You can take some of those home if you want, Bella," I said with a smile and a nod towards the cookies she was handling.

Bella grinned cheerfully, "Thanks, Dollyface."

I smiled back and she pocketed some of the huge chocolate chip cookies into a wax bag for home. Gavin smiled vaguely and continued cleaning up, while I washed the coffee pot. He was thinking of me. Enough of Gavin's thoughts led me to believe he had a somewhat crush on me; I liked that.

Just as I was about to ask Gavin on whether or not he wanted to take some cookies home too, Finn Watson walked in the bakery. His hair was stuck in another beanie and his pale face was remarkably smooth. I tried not to grin at his cheeky smile, but failed.

"Hey Finn," I greeted him.

"Hi," he said back with a glance at Bella and Gavin.

"Hi, I'm Bella!" Bella greeted him cheerily, "We met yesterday... kind of."

"Very nice to meet you, Bella," Finn replied and I was suddenly very conscious of how pretty Bella was and how she looked like a Victoria's Secret Angel.

Finn looked up to meet eyes with Gavin, who was giving him the eye. This guy. I don't like this guy. He fucking screams douche bag, he thought, but he merely stated casually, "I'm Gavin. Nice to meet you."

Finn nodded towards him and I grabbed my purse quickly from underneath the counter.

"Bella, do you think you can close up for me?" I asked her.

"Sure thing, boss," Bella remarked with a beam, "Have fuuun."

I turned red and walked out with Finn. We strolled up the street for a few minutes side by side for a while before Finn said, "So, how do you like working with people? Are they nice?"

I nodded fervently, "They're just lovely. I think I've really been fucking underestimating people. Like, Bella, she is just so funny and good natured. And then Gavin... that guy's a saint. His thoughts... I don't know. There's something very different about his mind."

Finn's eyes darkened as I finished but his grin remained.

"Yeah? That's, um, cool," he said.

"Yeah. So thanks for the recommendation," I said wryly and nudged him with my elbow.

"Let's eat here," Finn said suddenly and we halted in front of a small Jamaican restaurant on the corner of Lily Oak and 9th.

"You sure love exotic food, don't you?" I asked and scratched my forearm as we tentatively ducked into the tiny place.

As soon as we entered, the rich aroma of spices hit me like a ton of bricks. I glanced at Finn who seemed to be inhaling just as eagerly as I was. We sat down at a corner table and I tried to block out the thoughts of the diners surrounding us. It was very hard though, because there was a man sitting with his wife who kept belittling him. He had just lost his job and she was crushing him with a speech on how much she worked for both of them, how he had it easy. It was like physical pain, hearing this man's agony as his wife beat him down with words.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, he thought, Shelly. I'm so sorry.

I felt like crying as this man looked down at his food with guilt and shame. He had given the entire financial burden to his wife and he took her cruel words with not an ounce of anger or spite. I swam in his wife's head. She was taking out her anger on him. She had missed a payment on her credit card and was getting called everyday by creditors. How was she supposed to pay the mortgage? Why couldn't her husband find a job already? This was ruining her –them.

Two sides to every story.

I had been so distracted by these two people and their lives and feelings, that I didn't realize the waiter and Finn were staring at me, asking me what I wanted to drink. I ripped myself away from the strangers and realized with great embarrassment that I had tears in my eyes, running down my cheeks.

"Oh," I sighed, "I'll just have an iced tea."

The tall waiter nodded and gave me an awkward look before going back to the kitchen. Finn stared at me.

"Are you okay, Dolly?" he asked.

I nodded and tried to stop the tears that didn't belong to me. My eyes stared at my menu while I spoke quietly. Finn had to lean over the table to be able to hear what I was saying.

"Sometimes I get distracted. It's like watching a car accident. You want to look away, but you can't. Or maybe a movie. It's so sad you want to cry, and then you remember that it isn't a movie, that it's real. And you do cry," I whispered.

Finn gaped at me. "Yes," he finally sighed, "Yes."

I nodded and felt a rush of gratitude for his simple understanding. His hand moved to mine from where it rested on the table. His long fingers picked it up and studied my fingers, like he was a palm reader or something. His smiled at my chipping French manicure and then settled on holding my hand tightly. I tried to breathe normally.

Can you hear me? His voice rang in my head.

I jumped. "Ah!" I cried.

Finn laughed at my shocked face.

"What the fuck was that?" I breathed.

Finn smiled, "You could hear me?"

"Yeah. I could!" I hissed, "You scared me!"

"I thought that only worked with Dad," Finn mused aloud.

The waiter came and dropped off our drinks and asked if we were ready to order. I shook my head. I hadn't even looked at the menu and I was far too engrossed in what had just happened to even fucking care about ordering. The waiter smiled anyway and promised to come back.

"What the fuck was that?" I repeated.

Finn smiled and took a drink of his soda. I watched him.

"I really don't know. My dad was never able to read my thoughts, right? Well, when I would make physical contact with him and concentrate a little, he could hear me. Only if I wanted to. It's like I have the option of letting you in, you see? But only when," he picked up my hand, Only when I'm touching you. Only when I let you, he thought.

I gawked at him.

"Oh my God," I whispered, "You are so... different."

Finn smiled at me, "No. You are."

I reddened and looked down at my menu. I had to order something, didn't I?



After dinner and a very long conversation involving music, Finn and I stepped out of the Jamaican restaurant with very full bellies. He informed me that he was willing to drop me off at home if I walked with him back to his car in the parking lot of the record store and I eagerly accepted. Finn Watson was fascinating.

This whole time I had believed that mind reading was so simple. I could do it. Nobody could keep me from their thoughts; nobody could hide from me.

Finn was the exception. Finn could hide.

"Finn, when you hold my hand and let me in... Can you hear me?" I asked as we rounded the corner to Vittoe's Recs.

Finn's smile faded and he gave me a very serious look. "Yes. Only with you and Dad. It's very confusing, Dolly. It's like you have something in your genetics –or in your brain- that matches with something in mine. Like... we're connected, you know? That's how Dad explained it to me. I guess that's how it is with you. But you can't tell anyone, alright?"

We had arrived at the empty parking lot when I found myself frozen with this revelation.

"You told me you couldn't hear me. You told me you couldn't!" I cried.
Finn's smile didn't return. "Because I didn't know you very well. And frankly, you were acting a little crazy that night. And I can't hear you. I don't know what you're thinking right now."

I grabbed his hand eagerly.

Finn! Finn, are you hearing me? Finn! I screeched in my head, hoping that it would get to him.

Finn only gave me a look and I received, Stop fucking yelling, Dolly.

"Oh my god!" I cried, "You! You, Finn Watson! Oh my god!"

Finn smiled a little and I jumped up and down in the cold night air.

"I just wanted you to know. I don't like doing it though, Dollface. I really don't. It hurts my brain and I happen to like keeping my thoughts private."

I nodded, "Of course! If I had a choice, I would never let anyone in. But... wow. Finn."

I hadn't noticed there were tears in my eyes as I stared up at him. I was still holding his hand, but he was holding up a barrier. He didn't let me in. I was okay with that. He wiped away a tear that rushed down my cheek and leaned down. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded meekly. I didn't really know what I was doing now, I stood on my tippy toes and gripped the sides of his face with both of my hands, and placed my lips on his with so much force that he fell back. He at first seemed so shocked that he froze but then he pulled me closer to him by the waist. I opened my mouth and sighed into the kiss as his tongue found its way through my lips. And then I remembered his androgynously nicknamed girlfriend and it seemed that at the moment I remembered this huge factor in the equation, Finn did too and we pushed each other away.

"You've got to stop doing that!" Finn panted and glared at me.

"I'm sorry. I just –I couldn't hel-"

Finn cut me off with another forceful kiss and pressed me up against the wall of one of the buildings that enclosed the dark and barren parking lot.

"Finn," I gasped as he ran a hand down to the curve of my bottom and kissed my jaw.
Two more seconds of this and we pulled away again.

"That –that one was your fault," I breathed and he nodded his head.

"Fuck. This isn't what was supposed to happen," he muttered, out of breath, "I'm sorry."

I shook my head.

"Just take me home," I muttered and walked to his car.

After a very awkward fifteen minute car ride, I trudged out of Finn's sedan and up my walk to apartment 21B.

Finn Watson was the only person who could read my mind. And we had just fucked everything up.