Quiet Little Monsters

Throughout my experiences with the human mind, I have discovered the three primary subjects that plague the public's thoughts.

Sex. Sex is always on people's minds. If it's not at the forefront, it's somewhere lurking in the corner, waiting for a naughty joke to tell or to eye a handsome stranger. Sex is a carnal, human desire. It is a natural need for our bodies, which leaves me with very little to imagine about it. Sex is not special for me. Sex is so often running through the minds of the public, that it seems like an average, normal thing to me, like putting gas in your car.

Money. And everything having to do with money. You have to go to school to make money. You have to go to the bank to get money. You have to get another job to have enough money. Money is essential. Why are you going to school? Why are you so obsessed with getting that new position? Why are you wearing name-brand clothes? Money, money, money. Let others know you have it.

Love. Not just the love between a man and a woman –although that is something that is constantly nagging the minds of singles in the world- it is everything that we love. The love between a mother and son, a father and daughter, love between siblings, aunts, uncles, God, best friends, pets. Love. We need it. We need to have someone tell us that they will never leave us. Love is something that drives people. Will Mom be disappointed if I drop out of college? What will I do if my husband leaves me? Is Dad sick? What will I ever do without her? Love. We need to love. Love makes us do things we would never do. Love between people is what makes changes in the world, moves mountains.

It had been three weeks since I told him to go away. Three weeks and all that had been on the forefront of my mind was him. I had drowned out the voices that thought about sex, money, and love. All I could think about was Finn Watson. Finn Watson. Why had I let him run off? He knew about me. He had answers.

It was like I had found an indispensable part of me –an arm or a leg- and then threw it away. My mind had found that corresponding piece the moment Finn Watson had held my hand and said my name. It ached to have it pushed away. It wasn't love. It was... a different type of need.

"Dolly?" Bella asked, waving her hand in my face.

I wrenched my gaze away from the spot on the floor that I'd lost myself on and looked up at her dazedly.

"Hm?" I murmured.

"Do you want me to ice the cupcakes pink or blue today?" Bella asked, watching my face with concern.

"Um. Blue. Blue is fine," I muttered and she nodded, turning to the fridge to get out the icing. Gavin was handing a customer a blueberry muffin when I stepped out to the front. I repressed the thoughts of affection that built in my chest when Gavin looked at me. Finn. Finn was more important.

"Dolly. Are you alright?" he asked, giving me a careful look.

"Yes. Yes," I replied hastily and pushed a lock of dark hair behind my ear as I neatly stacked the chocolate chip cookies in the glass display case.

Gavin stared at me for a second longer before turning to his customer and handing him change. Then his grey eyes found my hazel ones and I already knew what he was going to ask me. He had waited till all of the customers had been helped. He had decided this would be the day.

"Hey, Dolly? Do you want to go out tonight?" Gavin asked nervously.

His anxiousness made me anxious and I could hardly keep myself from getting tense, his thoughts and feelings mingled with my own. He looked so uneasy and hopeful that I bit back a smile.

"Sure, Gavin," I whispered. I needed to get away from my Finn Watson thoughts.

He gave me a grin and I gave him a nod before heading to my tiny office and fixing my makeup for our date.



When Gavin and I had closed up the bakery and walked to the little parking lot behind it to his car, I was a little nervous. Was it normal to go out with one of your employees? I didn't care though, I was glad for the distraction.

She looks pretty tonight. I like her dress... Gavin thought quietly and I fingered the hem of my sunflower print dress happily.

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly as he opened the door of his silver truck for me. I sat in the passenger seat and Gavin only smiled.

"To my favorite restaurant," he said with a wink, "Do you like Thai food?"

My heart dropped. "Thai food?" I asked warily. Oh, god. I could hear the fates aligning. Gavin eyed my apprehensive face, "Or not. If you don't like that." She's probably a picky eater.

I shook my head. "No, no, that's fine," I replied, feeling the wave of disappointment ebbing off of him.

This is why I avoided dating; thoughts interfered with everything. No one was secret. Dating was supposed to be like that –getting to know someone. After ten minutes with a guy, I knew whether I liked him or not. I knew who he loved. What he desired most. The deepest, darkest corners of his soul, I saw. No dating.

Gavin was a little different in that, although he checked out my boobs every other minute, he always felt bad for it. He was kind. I knew that. But I also knew his secrets. I knew that he hated the girl –Jane was her name- who had ditched him and left for Hollywood to become an actress. I knew that he hated that he hated her. I knew that he had driven down there in secret to see her for himself. I knew that he cried when he saw that she had moved in with her new boyfriend. I knew that he had never cried for anyone. Except for her. That’s why he hated her. That was the only black in his heart.

Gavin smiled at me brightly when I told him that I really liked Thai food and felt his excitement and my own excitement build up in the car. Sure enough, fifteen minutes later, we were pulling up to the very same restaurant Finn and I had eaten at the first night we truly met.

Gavin opened my door for me like a true gentleman and hesitantly put a hand on the small of my back when he opened the restaurant door for me. We sat on the opposite side of the table where I had sat at last and I eyed the empty table warily.

Carrie came by with menus and I saw the flicker of recognition flash in her eyes when she saw me, This was Finn's girl. Damn. Look at her date tonight. This bitch gets around. I tried to dampen the ire of loathing in my chest at this twat and returned the smile that she gave me when she asked us what we wanted to drink.

Gavin ordered a Coke, while I ordered my favorite Thai ice coffee. I shut the door in my head, trying to ignore the wavelengths of data that were resounding in my head from Gavin and from the semi full restaurant. I especially wanted to retreat from Gavin's thoughts –even though I knew everything there was to know about it- because it seemed almost disrespectful sometimes to peer into another's thoughts. Gavin deserved to have this one time to himself.

Carrie soon returned with our drinks and I sipped on my coffee as Gavin ordered pad thai for himself and I ordered a chilled beef salad for myself. We eyed each other nervously again when Carrie had left. We were alone, I fought the door. He was happy and nervous and determined all at once. It made it hard. Also people were in the buzz of their Friday night, leaving the air vibrant with plans and hopes. The door shook.

Just as Gavin was about to open his mouth (I had an inkling about what the question was going to be about) the stars aligned and in walked Finn Watson. My heart stopped and jumped to my throat. Just as he walked in, he met my eyes with a shocked look of his own and I looked away quickly. I didn't want him to know I was there, but I knew he did.

I tried to turn my thoughts back to Gavin who still hadn't noticed that Finn was now sitting on a table not too far from us; he was staring at me. I realized that he wasn't there with Harry, but with another guy, whose feminine mannerisms seemed to suggest he was gay. I peeked into his head. Yes. Very gay.

"Dolly?" Gavin asked me, he seemed to be expectant. I just asked her how long her mom's been in Paris. Is that a touchy subject? Gavin asked himself and I smiled hastily.

"Oh. She's lived there for little over a year. Well –she's always vacationed there but now she's there full time," I explained, trying to fight the urge to run out of the restaurant to avoid the gaze of Finn Watson.

"And she's married, right?" Gavin asked.

"Yup. He's much younger than her. Like, thirty or something. He makes her feel like a kid," I replied with a wicked smile, already feeling the strain of Finn Watson ebbing away.

Gavin smiled and told me about his dad's young wife and how strange it was to have a stepmom who was his age.

"She always tells me to call her Mom," he explained just as the food arrived, "It's so fucking strange, Dolly."

I laughed and nearly choked on my drink as I did. We dug into our plates and our conversation continued until Gavin looked over and saw Finn Watson eating his own pad thai and conversing with his friend. I felt a white hot dart of resentment on the other side of the door from him and tried to shake it off.

"Someone you know is here," Gavin muttered and jerked his head in Finn's direction.

Finn caught eyes with Gavin and they both stared at each other with malicious glares. I tried to understand and opened the door just a little to decipher Gavin's thoughts. He was... jealous. I heaved the door shut, not wanting to drink it in.

I stood up warily and murmured, "I'm going to the ladies' room."

Gavin nodded with a faint grin and I walked to the back of the restaurant. The ladies' room was painted terracotta and I shut the door quickly behind me to glance at myself in the mirror. My wild hair was braided and my makeup was a little smudged. I fixed the blotchy eyeliner and gave myself a reassuring nod before stepping out of the restroom. As I walked down the isolated hall, a hand shot out of the men's restroom and grabbed me to pull me into the small room. It was also painted terracotta, except it had a urinal. I already knew who it was that had ambushed me and I looked up tiredly at Finn.

Dolly, he greeted me; his hand was still clutching my wrist, giving us the connection of our thoughts.

Finn, I replied curtly, What are you doing?

What am I doing? What are you doing?

What the fuck do you mean?

Why are you here with that guy?

It's a date, Finn. Now leave me be, I muttered and tried to pull myself way from his grasp. Just as I turned around to turn to handle of the door, Finn spoke aloud.

"I broke up with Harriet," he said loudly.

I froze and slowly turned on my heel after a second. Maybe this was it.

"I –I broke up with her," he repeated.

"Why?" I asked quietly, "Because of me?"

"No. Yes. No," Finn said, "I just... it didn't feel right anymore."

This was it. He broke up with her! Maybe now we could... I tore myself from my wishes and faced reality. I snatched his hand, Let me in, I demanded in his head. The barrier remained. I needed to check his thoughts to make sure he wasn't lying, but his head remained sealed shut.

"Can't you just trust me?" Finn asked angrily.

"No. I can't. It's not my nature, Finn," I replied, "There is something you're hiding. You didn't break up with her."

Finn remained silent and clenched his fist around my hand, Trust me, he pleaded crossly.

Trust no one, I whispered back and was once again hit with the brick wall in his mind.

Don't go with him, was the last thing he said to me before I walked out angrily and returned to Gavin.

"Can we please go?" I asked him hurriedly.

Gavin looked at the hall I had just come from, "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes, yes. I just have to get home," I whispered.

Gavin nodded and threw money on the table before we headed out. As we walked to the car, I grabbed his hand. Both of our hearts fluttered.