Every Word
seventeen.
You loved talking and turning hard uncomfortable topics in to fun easy games. So many things I'd told you that I'd never told anyone else. All I never told you was I wish I knew if I was the only one you'd told these things to.
"Your turn." You said passing my a ball of play-doh. You smiled and looked at me reassuringly.
"I have a fear of mirrors." I said mindlessly molding the dough. "When I was young I saw this movie where any type of reflection would pull you in to this terrible world. But it wasn't the mirror, it was like, this dude who actually like, ruled this mirror world." You looked at me like you were really listening, I liked it. I'd never really experienced this before you. "Then a few years after that I saw this show about a different world with in mirrors, that was right after I was starting to overcome my fear."
"You poor boy." You said jokingly.
"I know right." I laughed awkwardly. "Your turn." I pass her the play-doh.
So let me explain the play-doh really quick. Sam believed play-doh made talking easier. Your mind wasn't only on talking, but this thing in your hands too. It worked the two parts of your brain at once and you became comfortable talking about uncomfortable things. That and sometimes people like to play with things, or do something with there hands when they get nervous, so the play-doh worked well for this situation.
"I'm afraid of horses." You said nodding your head. "There like, really big." You squint your eyes like your thinking of the exact reason they scare you. Then you laughed, "Ridiculous right?" you aren't even doing anything with the dough. It's just sitting there.
"Explain." I said simply, "Then I can decide if it's ridiculous or not." I give you that same reassuring smile.
"Well, I remember my dad took me to this horse trail thing when I was just a little girl. They wanted me to ride the biggest horse there. I was so high up off the ground and I didn't like it at all. They said it was the oldest and safest horse to ride. But I still didn't feel quite right about it." You started to mold the clay as you thought and spoke more, "I made up an excuse for not being able to ride it. I'd had a sun burn on my face and I told my dad I didn't want it to get worse while riding." You laughed and shook your head. "I don't know why, but since then I just never really liked horses." You stopped talking and molding and you just stared at me. Like you were looking for something. Making sure I understood what you were saying. I grabbed the dough from your hands.
"I use to be afraid of love." I said playing with the dough. "I use to think I'd find some pretty girl with everything I ever needed, but I never knew what I needed. I thought I'd find someone different from everyone else and be proud that I had someone like her. I use to think I'd find some girl and love her immediately, but in the end, everything would fall apart and I would be completely and totally wrong about everything I thought about her." I handed her the play-doh that was now shaped into a heart. "Then I found you. And since I met you, I've almost forgot those thoughts."
That wasn't a lie. But the thoughts are back, and I just wish you were here to scare them away. You were always good at that.
"Your turn." You said passing my a ball of play-doh. You smiled and looked at me reassuringly.
"I have a fear of mirrors." I said mindlessly molding the dough. "When I was young I saw this movie where any type of reflection would pull you in to this terrible world. But it wasn't the mirror, it was like, this dude who actually like, ruled this mirror world." You looked at me like you were really listening, I liked it. I'd never really experienced this before you. "Then a few years after that I saw this show about a different world with in mirrors, that was right after I was starting to overcome my fear."
"You poor boy." You said jokingly.
"I know right." I laughed awkwardly. "Your turn." I pass her the play-doh.
So let me explain the play-doh really quick. Sam believed play-doh made talking easier. Your mind wasn't only on talking, but this thing in your hands too. It worked the two parts of your brain at once and you became comfortable talking about uncomfortable things. That and sometimes people like to play with things, or do something with there hands when they get nervous, so the play-doh worked well for this situation.
"I'm afraid of horses." You said nodding your head. "There like, really big." You squint your eyes like your thinking of the exact reason they scare you. Then you laughed, "Ridiculous right?" you aren't even doing anything with the dough. It's just sitting there.
"Explain." I said simply, "Then I can decide if it's ridiculous or not." I give you that same reassuring smile.
"Well, I remember my dad took me to this horse trail thing when I was just a little girl. They wanted me to ride the biggest horse there. I was so high up off the ground and I didn't like it at all. They said it was the oldest and safest horse to ride. But I still didn't feel quite right about it." You started to mold the clay as you thought and spoke more, "I made up an excuse for not being able to ride it. I'd had a sun burn on my face and I told my dad I didn't want it to get worse while riding." You laughed and shook your head. "I don't know why, but since then I just never really liked horses." You stopped talking and molding and you just stared at me. Like you were looking for something. Making sure I understood what you were saying. I grabbed the dough from your hands.
"I use to be afraid of love." I said playing with the dough. "I use to think I'd find some pretty girl with everything I ever needed, but I never knew what I needed. I thought I'd find someone different from everyone else and be proud that I had someone like her. I use to think I'd find some girl and love her immediately, but in the end, everything would fall apart and I would be completely and totally wrong about everything I thought about her." I handed her the play-doh that was now shaped into a heart. "Then I found you. And since I met you, I've almost forgot those thoughts."
That wasn't a lie. But the thoughts are back, and I just wish you were here to scare them away. You were always good at that.