Every Word
twenty.
It turned out that Kevin had died during the snow storm. I was stuck at your house for days while we waited for at least couple of feet of snow to clear out so I could go home. For 9 days I lived in your living room and kept you company.Every day I told you Kevin would be alright. And every day you told me I was wrong.
"I told you! I told you she wouldn't live through the snow! And you kept filling my head with crap!" You cried over your dead dog. She had been in her dog house the whole time but died of either three things, dehydration, starvation, or froze to death. And of course I knew I was filling your head with crap, but what was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to say, yep, your dog is long gone. You'd hate me for that and both of us knew that. "Couldn't you just tell me she was going to die!? Was it supposed to be some kind of joke!?"
For a second I thought I was going to explode. You were yelling at me, you were mad at me for the first time in what felt like forever. After so long of being able to keep you happy, I was about to yell, scream in your face for being so oblivious! I was yelling in my mind, but I could never do anything to hurt you more in this situation. So I sat down next to you, and began to talk. I didn't care if you were listening, or if you even cared at the moment, but you should know what was going on in my mind. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't tell you because even though I knew there was a possibility Kevin would be dead, I wanted you to stay happy until this moment. I didn't tell you because it's in my nature to keep my hopes up for the best, and I was hoping I could share that with you. I didn't tell you because I would sound like a total ass hole if I just straight up said, Sam, your dog i a goner. I just couldn't tell you Sam. I wouldn't be able to take the guilt off my self for telling you your dog was dead. I mean, what if she wasn't dead, and I told you she was. You'd cry and cry over nothing." I paused, and you hadn't said anything yet, so I continued. "I'm sorry Sam, I really am. I know how much Kevin meant to you, and I wouldn't be able to tell you she was dead. That would be too much for me and I wouldn't be able to take it. I understand why your mad at me, and I can only hope you'll forgive me."
Still only silent tears.
"Please?" I couldn't look at you. If I did, I'd cry. I knew it. And right there, mocking my thoughts, you finally looked at me. I was still looking down at the dog until you turned my face with a slight touch of your hand. Your eyes were red and puffy. Your face was flushed from crying and the cold. Though your cheeks shined from the tears. And like I said, I cried too. Like a big child, I let it out.
"I'm so sorry." I said and dropped my face, I couldn't let you see me like this. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I wept and repeated my words like some fool, like some loser. "Sam. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you the truth but I swear I will never ever lie to you ever again. Please, just try to understand where I'm coming from." I looked up to find your bloodshot eyes. Then they were gone as you leaned in to kiss me. As my lips moved with yours I began to think that was an apology.
Our cold wet faces up against each other and your warm lips on mine was the most amazing feeling. You were amazing. But I still needed to know you were okay.
"I told you! I told you she wouldn't live through the snow! And you kept filling my head with crap!" You cried over your dead dog. She had been in her dog house the whole time but died of either three things, dehydration, starvation, or froze to death. And of course I knew I was filling your head with crap, but what was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to say, yep, your dog is long gone. You'd hate me for that and both of us knew that. "Couldn't you just tell me she was going to die!? Was it supposed to be some kind of joke!?"
For a second I thought I was going to explode. You were yelling at me, you were mad at me for the first time in what felt like forever. After so long of being able to keep you happy, I was about to yell, scream in your face for being so oblivious! I was yelling in my mind, but I could never do anything to hurt you more in this situation. So I sat down next to you, and began to talk. I didn't care if you were listening, or if you even cared at the moment, but you should know what was going on in my mind. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't tell you because even though I knew there was a possibility Kevin would be dead, I wanted you to stay happy until this moment. I didn't tell you because it's in my nature to keep my hopes up for the best, and I was hoping I could share that with you. I didn't tell you because I would sound like a total ass hole if I just straight up said, Sam, your dog i a goner. I just couldn't tell you Sam. I wouldn't be able to take the guilt off my self for telling you your dog was dead. I mean, what if she wasn't dead, and I told you she was. You'd cry and cry over nothing." I paused, and you hadn't said anything yet, so I continued. "I'm sorry Sam, I really am. I know how much Kevin meant to you, and I wouldn't be able to tell you she was dead. That would be too much for me and I wouldn't be able to take it. I understand why your mad at me, and I can only hope you'll forgive me."
Still only silent tears.
"Please?" I couldn't look at you. If I did, I'd cry. I knew it. And right there, mocking my thoughts, you finally looked at me. I was still looking down at the dog until you turned my face with a slight touch of your hand. Your eyes were red and puffy. Your face was flushed from crying and the cold. Though your cheeks shined from the tears. And like I said, I cried too. Like a big child, I let it out.
"I'm so sorry." I said and dropped my face, I couldn't let you see me like this. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I wept and repeated my words like some fool, like some loser. "Sam. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you the truth but I swear I will never ever lie to you ever again. Please, just try to understand where I'm coming from." I looked up to find your bloodshot eyes. Then they were gone as you leaned in to kiss me. As my lips moved with yours I began to think that was an apology.
Our cold wet faces up against each other and your warm lips on mine was the most amazing feeling. You were amazing. But I still needed to know you were okay.