Every Word
twenty-five.
You made me that mixed CD. Inside the case there was a note. It read;
I know it seems like I'm just giving up some times. Like it seems like I really don't want to tell you things but you have to know that it's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that I can't tell you. Though I wish I could. I can't tell you because I just can't allow the words to come out on my own will. I can't bring myself to say words so frightening to me. I can't imagine how you'd feel if you knew, and it makes me feel worse to let you know there is something wrong and you still don't know. I want you to know that I love you and that is the only thing separating me from telling you. I hope you understand.
These songs might give you a slight idea...
Love,
Samantha
All the songs were slow and acoustic and some how related to depression or wanting to die, and loving someone who didn't realize how much they loved you. I honestly didn't really understand it all but it was enough for me to really know you weren't alright. And I was scared for you. Because I loved you, and still do. I just needed to know everything.
"I just feel like I've been really messing up on something lately you know?" I told you as we sat outside the grocery store another afternoon.
"You aren't. In fact you couldn't be anymore perfect." You grabbed my hands as I rubbed my thumbs in worried circles over yours. "Really, I'm the one messing up."
"You know I won't be able to agree with that." It was almost hurtful how she thought I would see her as some one who could ever mess up.
"I wish you would." You had that worried look again in your eyes. Like the time we were out at that burger place and you sat watching that elderly couple. Like when you told me you were okay and you still couldn't seem to smile that smile I fell in love with that first time I'd ever seen you.
"What's that supposed to mean?" That kind of question seems kind of rude to ask, but I said it in the gentlest of tones.
"It means I wish you would see that I'm not the perfect person you think I am." You shook your head and bit your lip. Almost like you were trying to hold back tears.
"You know I think the same thing about myself." I squinted my eyes at you trying to read your actions and expressions. It was impossible.
You didn't come back to me on that comment, you only told me you had to go back to work so I let you go. You gave me a small peck on the cheek and slowly disappeared into the back of the store.
I know it seems like I'm just giving up some times. Like it seems like I really don't want to tell you things but you have to know that it's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that I can't tell you. Though I wish I could. I can't tell you because I just can't allow the words to come out on my own will. I can't bring myself to say words so frightening to me. I can't imagine how you'd feel if you knew, and it makes me feel worse to let you know there is something wrong and you still don't know. I want you to know that I love you and that is the only thing separating me from telling you. I hope you understand.
These songs might give you a slight idea...
Love,
Samantha
All the songs were slow and acoustic and some how related to depression or wanting to die, and loving someone who didn't realize how much they loved you. I honestly didn't really understand it all but it was enough for me to really know you weren't alright. And I was scared for you. Because I loved you, and still do. I just needed to know everything.
"I just feel like I've been really messing up on something lately you know?" I told you as we sat outside the grocery store another afternoon.
"You aren't. In fact you couldn't be anymore perfect." You grabbed my hands as I rubbed my thumbs in worried circles over yours. "Really, I'm the one messing up."
"You know I won't be able to agree with that." It was almost hurtful how she thought I would see her as some one who could ever mess up.
"I wish you would." You had that worried look again in your eyes. Like the time we were out at that burger place and you sat watching that elderly couple. Like when you told me you were okay and you still couldn't seem to smile that smile I fell in love with that first time I'd ever seen you.
"What's that supposed to mean?" That kind of question seems kind of rude to ask, but I said it in the gentlest of tones.
"It means I wish you would see that I'm not the perfect person you think I am." You shook your head and bit your lip. Almost like you were trying to hold back tears.
"You know I think the same thing about myself." I squinted my eyes at you trying to read your actions and expressions. It was impossible.
You didn't come back to me on that comment, you only told me you had to go back to work so I let you go. You gave me a small peck on the cheek and slowly disappeared into the back of the store.