Every Word

Remember how my story started? The first thing you never told me. I should have known it would probably end that way. The las thing you never told me; You were dying. No one would have noticed but the people who knew. You didn't lose any weight, no hair loss, and nothing like the common cold or a fever. You seemed completely normal. You seemed so perfect. I guess that's what you meant by you really weren't perfect. That you truly had some kind of... Defect. But that really would have meant nothing to me. Being sick or ill or dying doesn't make you any less perfect. It only makes you fragile, something for me to admire just a bit more for the last bit of time I had left with you. But you didn't let me in. I couldn't spend extra time with you or really take your being with me to a whole other level. I loved you and that's all I was really ever completely sure about. So why hadn't you told me?

The day I had found out was the most terrifying day of my life. I had called your house a hundred times. I went down to the market to ask the red headed kid where you were. The same boy I had talked to almost a year and a half ago asking where you had been when you were sick. He had told me you just didn't show up that day.

I ran outside and figured I could have driven my car here rather than run. So I walked up to your house to find no answer. There were no lights showing from the windows and no sound from the TV. It was silent and I couldn't take it. No cars driving by, no sound of natures rain or wind. No bugs in the trees humming under a non existing hot sun. It was those days you said were best for gardening.

"You see how how the sun is barely out. It's not too hot. And it's not cold from wind or rain or snow." We stared at the sky as we took out all the gardening tools for the afternoon.

"Very true." I answered and gave you a quick peck on the cheek before making our way to the front of the house to put in some new flowers.

"Lets just hope it doesn't rain." You said as you dug a small hole for the first flower. They were multiple purple flowers growing from one vine.

"Let's hope." I answered handing you a tiny bucket full of fertilizer. And like nature was snooping on our conversation it began to sprinkle.

"Of course!" You said with a laugh. "Maybe it's just passing by." You said and started to dig another hole. I handed you an orange flower and the rain began to get much heavier.

"Maybe we should try again tomorrow?"

"Sounds like a plan." You planted the small flower into the ground and began to gather the small shovels and empty flower containers. After we got cleaned up we watched old cartoons till we fell asleep.

After realizing the house was empty and there was no sign of you calling in sick to work I decided to go home and wait. It felt like hours till I got a phone call back from your mother. Though It was only a half hour. She called from an unfamiliar number so I let my father pick it up. I figured it was a work call. After hearing many sorries and remorseful "Oh my God"'s I decided I had to know who was on the phone.

"You should take this." My father said handing me the phone as I entered the dining room.

"Hello?" I said as I listened to calmed sobs from who ever was on the phone.

"Marcus?" I'd heard her voice before but was unrecognizable over the phone.

"This is him." I waited for her to say something.

"This is Samantha's mother." That was when I knew something bad had happened.

"Where are you guys?" I was suddenly frightened. I was scared and unsure and needed to know everything. "Are you okay?"

"I'm at the hospital. Samantha is here too. But she's not in the best condition." Her voice got very soft and sad, but she was no longer crying.

"Is she okay? Are you okay?" I felt bad for asking so many question while she was probably not in the correct mental state to answer many questions.

"I am fine. But I think you should come down here and see Sammy for yourself." she began crying again. "Please, she needs you now." I could hardly understand her, but I was out the door with in seconds.

You looked so fragile in that hospital bed. You were a pale blue color and your lips were purple.

"She stopped breathing this morning. Not for long, but enough for her to pass out for a couple hours." Your mother told me. She had a tissue over her mouth so it was hard to understand. But I didn't saying anything. I just nodded and went into your room.

You looked at me but you couldn't talk. I just took your hand in mine and waited. It was so cold and soft. "What happened Sam?" I asked in the softest tone possible.

"I'm just," you sighed, "Not okay." You tried to work up a smile but slowly began to cry.

"Obviously." I gave a half hearted laugh and held back my tears. "Is this what you didn't want to tell me?" You nodded your head. "Why not?" I asked staring deep into your eyes.

"I didn't want to scare you." Your voice was strained. You were worn out and I didn't want to bother you too much.

"Well at lest I'd know." I looked at your hand in mine. "Will you be okay?" All you did was shake your head. "Do you care if I stay?" You shook your head again so I stayed there with your hand in mine. It was quite. All I could hear was beeping from multiple machines I hadn't known the names of, and your slow breathing. "I love you." I whispered not knowing if you heard. And I left to get something to entertain myself. I picked up a book with pictures hoping the child like animal characters would cheer you up.

I now hate myself for that.

When I returned your mother was now screaming in the doorway facing out. Doctors came rushing to your room while more doctors came to calm her down. I dropped the book and ran to her with my mind racing.

"What happened!?" I yelled at the doctors as I held your mother.

"There was nothing we could do." A young woman told me as I looked angrily into her eyes.

"Nothing you could do about what!?" My voice was still raised and I began to feel bad for the poor woman with me screaming in her face. Along with your mother in my arms screaming as well.

"Sir she just stopped breathing. Her mother," She looked to your mom and I began stroking her hair to calm her down, "told us her heart was still beating when she called us down here, she just seemed to be struggling to breath. But by the time we got here she flat lined."

"We've got something!" Someone yelled from in your room, and I followed his voice.

You looked dead. Though the machines told us other wise. "Will she stay awake?" I asked the doctor hoping I wasn't too loud.

"There's no way to tell. I honestly think I'll have to tell you no." He looked at me worry eyed and obviously confused as what to do with you.

"Can she hear us?" I asked hoping I could get you to speak.

"Unless she has the power to speak, I hardly doubt we'll know."

And he was right as your lips began to part, "I'm sorry." Tears fell from your eyes and I cried as well.

"You're fine." I said trying to sound calm and sure. "You're alright." My tears fell onto her arm making their way to the hospital sheets.

"I love you." Your tears fell faster, as mine too.

"Please!" I yelled at the doctors, standing there ready with the defibrillator in case you went out again. They just stared at me with helpless eyes.

"Sir I think you're going to have to leave unless you calm down." The girl from outside the room tells me as she checks your pulse.

"I can't leave her! I can't!" My cries got heavier and louder. I couldn't talk quietly, I couldn't let you go.

"Then you have to quiet down."

"She's dying!" How can I stay calm when you're just lying there waiting for God to take you from me, take you from your family, take you from the world. "Just help her!" The nurse stared at me, I imagine she was trying her hardest to stay calm with me. "Please." I let out in a slow sigh. Tears slowing but still falling. "I love you." I said stroking your hair wiping the tears from your cheeks. "I love you." I chanted over and over again hoping you could till hear me. "Samantha!" I yelled as if it would help.

And then you were gone.

I was pushed out of the room as I began screaming even louder and doctors gathered around you trying to bring you back again. But I knew you were gone for good this time. I felt it. At first I couldn't believe it. But now I knew you were gone forever. And as your mother screamed to God, I asked myself the same question she repeatedly yelled, Why?