The Hardest Part of This Is Leaving You
Tom Sykes One Shot.
On a day with no significance to me in particular, a new student made their appearance at my school. Her name was Kat, and she was beautiful. Long blonde hair made its way to the middle of her back; her eyes were a piercing blue.
She didn’t care what people thought about her, she was independent and this drew me to her.
She hadn’t one friend, even after a week of attending my high school. I felt for bad for her, but my friends - sadists, who enjoy laughing at others - had sent me out on a dare to speak to her. I accepted, trying to hide my more or less obvious excitement.
I walked towards her, and she looked up at me. She smiled.
“’Ello, Kat. I’m sorry we haven’t spoken before this.” I said to her, not sure why I was apologizing. “I’m Tom Sykes; it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Her smile grew. “I’m Kat Kilroy, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She extended her arm and I shook her hand gladly.
We became close friends. We had more than enough in common, and we’d speak for hours on end each day. Every minute spent with her, we grew even closer.
Needless to say, I had myself a small crush on Kat. She was everything I could have ever wanted in a girl, and she was right at my fingertips.
Oliver had told me on more than one occasion to ask her out, but I never had the guts. To be honest, I was terrified of rejection and possibly ruining our friendship.
“Thomas, you’re my baby brother. You’re good with the ladies; it’s in your blood.” Oliver said to me. If it was meant to be reassuring, it wasn’t.
I got an idea, and tested it out the next day.
-
I walked up to her, sat on a bench beside her and smiled. A received a funny look from her, but I continued to stare and grin.
“A little birdie tells me somebody has quite the crush on you.” I said happily, hoping she’d catch on.
Kat looked at me incredulously. “Really? Who is it?”
I wanted to frown, but I kept my smile plastered to my face. “I mustn’t tell you that. What, are you new? This is high school. I have to keep it secret.”
She sighed quietly. “If you must be that way…”
“I must.” I said with the same grin.
-
“Tommy, please tell me who it is. It’s been three weeks and nobody has said a word to me.” Kat begged, a pleading look in her eyes.
How was I supposed say no to her? This was high school. In elementary, kids were shy about crushes. But now, at a mature age, most boys could easily approach a girl and ask her out.
I sighed quietly, looking down at my pale hands in my lap. She was inches in front of me, staring at me hopefully.
“Are you gonna tell me, Tom?”
I looked up at the sound of my name and bit my lip. I studied her eyes. She studied my face. I braced myself for anything, and slowly leaned forward to kiss her.
She pulled away almost instantly, and I felt my face go red. I peeked up at her, and she was smiling.
-
Kat and I have been going out for six months, it started three days after that first kiss. I can honestly say that I’m in love with her, but I’m not sure about how she feels.
“Can I tell you a secret, Tom?” She asked me one day. We were lying on the couch in my basement, after the movie we’d watched had finished.
“Anything.” I said sincerely.
She’d already told me secrets. Like when she was young, her father left she and her mother. And she’d been expelled from her last school although she didn’t specify why.
“I went to the doctor’s office yesterday,” She began, her voice sounding thick and strangled.
“What, are you gonna tell me you’re pregnant? That would imply you’ve been cheating on me.” I looked down, grinning like a fool, only to see a tear roll down Kat’s cheek.
She shook her head sadly. “Tom, I’m sick.”
My eyebrows knitted together, I shook my head. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll make you better.” I said, kissing her forehead.
“No, Tom,” She said quietly, sounding out of breath. “I have cancer.”
My heart stopped. Instantly. My vision blurred and my head spun. I felt tears well up in my eyes and then one roll down my cheek.
“I love you.” I said quietly, my heart - which had restarted itself - beating at a sickening speed. “I love you more than anyone or anything in this whole wide world.”
“I love you, too.” Kat said, a sickly smile gracing her pale lips.
-
Every trip Kat made to the hospital, I was with her. Every time a needle poked her arm, every time a doctor prodded her skin, I was there, holding her hand.
When she was sad, I comforted her. When she was happy, I cherished the moment and made it last. I was happy for the amounts of time we were together, but under the circumstances, everything was a shade of grey.
One time, at the hospital, it was different, though.
The doctor had informed us that Kat had leukemia, cancer of the blood. It was spreading rapidly to many of her major organs. I felt powerless, and all I could do was hold her hand and pray for a transplant donor.
I’d tell her that everything was going to be ok.
-
Things progressed and became more severe, but I never let up on her. I’d tend to her at all times, whether she was home or in a hospital bed.
My parents and hers were shocked at how much I wanted her to be ok.
“Without her, I have absolutely nothing to live for.”
It was the only truthful explanation I could come up with.
Both my brother and parents wished for me to spend more time with them at home, but I loved Kat and I’d promised her to always be there when she needed me.
And she needed me now more than ever.
-
Two weeks went by and even in that short time span, things quickly got worse. She was weak and dehydrated, and she knew that she was going to die.
I cried for her not to talk about it, for I honestly didn’t want to think about a world with Kat Kilroy in it.
“Hey,” She said to me, her voice ragged and hoarse. “Come lie with me?”
I couldn’t pass up to opportunity. With a forced smile, I climbed into her small hospital bed and wrapped my arms around her tiny body. I looked down at her and she smiled.
I leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were dry and cracked, but I loved the feeling of being this close to her.
The constant beep of her pulmonary monitor was reassuring. I ached for the sound.
Very suddenly, the monitor’s pace picked up. It grew faster and faster until, after a moment, it stopped beeping. Now, a constant, high-pitched buzz filled my ears, and I felt myself beginning to cry.
Kat died in my arms that day, and from then on, I felt empty.
Oliver said I should let go, but how does he expect me to let go of the only girl I’d ever loved, and always will?
She didn’t care what people thought about her, she was independent and this drew me to her.
She hadn’t one friend, even after a week of attending my high school. I felt for bad for her, but my friends - sadists, who enjoy laughing at others - had sent me out on a dare to speak to her. I accepted, trying to hide my more or less obvious excitement.
I walked towards her, and she looked up at me. She smiled.
“’Ello, Kat. I’m sorry we haven’t spoken before this.” I said to her, not sure why I was apologizing. “I’m Tom Sykes; it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Her smile grew. “I’m Kat Kilroy, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She extended her arm and I shook her hand gladly.
We became close friends. We had more than enough in common, and we’d speak for hours on end each day. Every minute spent with her, we grew even closer.
Needless to say, I had myself a small crush on Kat. She was everything I could have ever wanted in a girl, and she was right at my fingertips.
Oliver had told me on more than one occasion to ask her out, but I never had the guts. To be honest, I was terrified of rejection and possibly ruining our friendship.
“Thomas, you’re my baby brother. You’re good with the ladies; it’s in your blood.” Oliver said to me. If it was meant to be reassuring, it wasn’t.
I got an idea, and tested it out the next day.
-
I walked up to her, sat on a bench beside her and smiled. A received a funny look from her, but I continued to stare and grin.
“A little birdie tells me somebody has quite the crush on you.” I said happily, hoping she’d catch on.
Kat looked at me incredulously. “Really? Who is it?”
I wanted to frown, but I kept my smile plastered to my face. “I mustn’t tell you that. What, are you new? This is high school. I have to keep it secret.”
She sighed quietly. “If you must be that way…”
“I must.” I said with the same grin.
-
“Tommy, please tell me who it is. It’s been three weeks and nobody has said a word to me.” Kat begged, a pleading look in her eyes.
How was I supposed say no to her? This was high school. In elementary, kids were shy about crushes. But now, at a mature age, most boys could easily approach a girl and ask her out.
I sighed quietly, looking down at my pale hands in my lap. She was inches in front of me, staring at me hopefully.
“Are you gonna tell me, Tom?”
I looked up at the sound of my name and bit my lip. I studied her eyes. She studied my face. I braced myself for anything, and slowly leaned forward to kiss her.
She pulled away almost instantly, and I felt my face go red. I peeked up at her, and she was smiling.
-
Kat and I have been going out for six months, it started three days after that first kiss. I can honestly say that I’m in love with her, but I’m not sure about how she feels.
“Can I tell you a secret, Tom?” She asked me one day. We were lying on the couch in my basement, after the movie we’d watched had finished.
“Anything.” I said sincerely.
She’d already told me secrets. Like when she was young, her father left she and her mother. And she’d been expelled from her last school although she didn’t specify why.
“I went to the doctor’s office yesterday,” She began, her voice sounding thick and strangled.
“What, are you gonna tell me you’re pregnant? That would imply you’ve been cheating on me.” I looked down, grinning like a fool, only to see a tear roll down Kat’s cheek.
She shook her head sadly. “Tom, I’m sick.”
My eyebrows knitted together, I shook my head. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll make you better.” I said, kissing her forehead.
“No, Tom,” She said quietly, sounding out of breath. “I have cancer.”
My heart stopped. Instantly. My vision blurred and my head spun. I felt tears well up in my eyes and then one roll down my cheek.
“I love you.” I said quietly, my heart - which had restarted itself - beating at a sickening speed. “I love you more than anyone or anything in this whole wide world.”
“I love you, too.” Kat said, a sickly smile gracing her pale lips.
-
Every trip Kat made to the hospital, I was with her. Every time a needle poked her arm, every time a doctor prodded her skin, I was there, holding her hand.
When she was sad, I comforted her. When she was happy, I cherished the moment and made it last. I was happy for the amounts of time we were together, but under the circumstances, everything was a shade of grey.
One time, at the hospital, it was different, though.
The doctor had informed us that Kat had leukemia, cancer of the blood. It was spreading rapidly to many of her major organs. I felt powerless, and all I could do was hold her hand and pray for a transplant donor.
I’d tell her that everything was going to be ok.
-
Things progressed and became more severe, but I never let up on her. I’d tend to her at all times, whether she was home or in a hospital bed.
My parents and hers were shocked at how much I wanted her to be ok.
“Without her, I have absolutely nothing to live for.”
It was the only truthful explanation I could come up with.
Both my brother and parents wished for me to spend more time with them at home, but I loved Kat and I’d promised her to always be there when she needed me.
And she needed me now more than ever.
-
Two weeks went by and even in that short time span, things quickly got worse. She was weak and dehydrated, and she knew that she was going to die.
I cried for her not to talk about it, for I honestly didn’t want to think about a world with Kat Kilroy in it.
“Hey,” She said to me, her voice ragged and hoarse. “Come lie with me?”
I couldn’t pass up to opportunity. With a forced smile, I climbed into her small hospital bed and wrapped my arms around her tiny body. I looked down at her and she smiled.
I leaned over and kissed her. Her lips were dry and cracked, but I loved the feeling of being this close to her.
The constant beep of her pulmonary monitor was reassuring. I ached for the sound.
Very suddenly, the monitor’s pace picked up. It grew faster and faster until, after a moment, it stopped beeping. Now, a constant, high-pitched buzz filled my ears, and I felt myself beginning to cry.
Kat died in my arms that day, and from then on, I felt empty.
Oliver said I should let go, but how does he expect me to let go of the only girl I’d ever loved, and always will?