The Joining
Day Three
James caught me already awake. I was watching the sun rise over the horizon, painting the black ocean blue again for yet another day. As soon as he landed, I confronted him. “James! I haven’t eaten or drank anything in the last two days!! I could barely sleep! How am I supposed to survive this journey if I die of dehydration??”
“You won’t die,” his deep voice said calmly, frustratingly calmly. He looked even more different today. His beak was even smaller, his crest was gone, and his body had a different shape to it. “You will feel the discomfort, but you won’t die, trust me.”
He was hard to trust when rust covered the inside of my throat and angry animals wrestled and growled in my stomach. “James, you have to help me, I’m dying.”
“Pain is a tool, a tool you have to become quite familiar with if you are ever going to discover yourself. For it is in the moments that we have nothing left but pain, when we have almost lost our minds, that we discover who we truly are on the deepest levels. And if you are meant to, you will complete the journey through the pain. This is a crucial part for discovering if you are eligible for the Joining.”
“And what the hell is this ‘Joining’ thing?? I never asked to be a part of your fucking cult!!” I screamed at him, real frustration flowing from my eyes in the form of teardrops.
“Yes, James, you did.” James said. “I can see that you’re entering the final stages. I cannot see you until the fifth day once this has started. Good luck, it is crucial that you pass this step and finish the journey.” With that, he took off, leaving me to scream after him.
I fell to my knees once I was done screaming to fight off the swords stabbing into my abdomen. I talked to myself, but I forget what was said. After an undistinguished period of time, I pulled myself together despite the raw hopelessness I felt pooling in the back of my mouth. Something was calming me. The light, maybe, painting its splendor across the stratus clouds. The sea, maybe, whispering reassurance to me in my time of need. This planet really was like a mother to me.
Suddenly, an intense feeling of sadness struck me, sadness for my true mother whom I could not remember. And in the sea and the sun’s caress, I felt lonely again. I stood up and looked down at the water. It was navy blue now, the sun seemed to be rising so slowly. I saw something move, something very long, something very big. All of a sudden, the whole ocean was alight, bright and turquoise. It wasn’t the sun, it couldn’t be the sun. The light was coming from within, for I saw an army of underwater silhouettes. The shapes were of beasts that I couldn’t imagine.
I was transfixed. The ocean seemed to move closer to me, to envelop me, like a mother waiting with open arms. The height didn’t make me sick, I leaned our far over the edge, being drawn ever closer to the brightened water. Suddenly, a sandbag floated up and in front of my face. How strange, I thought.
But the sandbag wasn’t floating, it was falling, right next to me. Fear is what I should have felt, cold and clammy. Instead, the sensation of me hitting the water was far from it, I felt warm for the first time since I woke up on that hot air balloon.
What happened after that? I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I was gone.
Day Four
I woke up and smiled. This was the last day. I had no idea how I had come to be back on the floor of the basket of the hot air balloon, but I was not complaining. I was not in the mood to complain about anything. For today was the first day that I woke up actually knowing who I was. I don’t want to discuss it with you, reader, but don’t take offense. An explanation of who I used to be would not do the final day of this incredible journey any justice. That mundane man was gone for good.
What I anticipated was for James to visit me. Sadness is what I felt, I had forgotten that I would never see James again. Yet, he would be with me constantly. The sense of humor that my benefactors possessed, oh how cruel and amusing. James was, no, is me. That penguin was my corpse, taken from my grave and molded into the shape of the flightless bird who flew to greet me every morning. James was who I am now, the part of me that was in the know, administering the test to my clueless other side, the ghost who couldn’t let go.
I had always believed that the ocean was a magical place. I believed that even more now, underneath the waves, I had rediscovered a priceless sunken treasure, myself.
Now I was waiting for them to come and pick me up. I looked over the edge once more and saw an animal grazing alone in a field. It was large and weird looking, reptilian. I smiled down at the creature once I realized what it was. I had never seen a dinosaur before, a triceratops to be exact.
I called out to it, my voice echoed across the empty field. I could hear it plodding on the grass, grunt, and chew. It looked up at me, but not really at me, a bright light was falling through the sky right towards it.
The impact of the asteroid was immense, that animal had no doubt died instantly. The balloon was hurled away and dust shot up and covered us. Though all was chaos around me, I heard nothing. This was true silence, eerie silence. Suddenly, snap! I knew that the last sandbag had fallen off. The balloon rose out of the blinding cloud of dust and I looked down at the planet. The clouds were spreading fast, but not as fast as I was rising. I could hear again, and the noises of the planet were becoming fainter by the second. It was also getting colder.
I looked away from the genocide of the terrible lizards and up towards the sun and saw space as I had never seen it before. It was brilliant and bright, beautiful beyond explanation. I swear I could hear the wind blow dust storms across the face of Mars from here. But the glow of the sun was intensifying. Soon, I saw nothing but white. Soon, I heard nothing but white. The journey was completely over, I knew that I had Joined with them, ecstasy filled my every cell.
I know that this story seemed strange to you, but one day maybe you will understand. That is, if you ever are lucky enough to take your own journey and eventually Join us.
“You won’t die,” his deep voice said calmly, frustratingly calmly. He looked even more different today. His beak was even smaller, his crest was gone, and his body had a different shape to it. “You will feel the discomfort, but you won’t die, trust me.”
He was hard to trust when rust covered the inside of my throat and angry animals wrestled and growled in my stomach. “James, you have to help me, I’m dying.”
“Pain is a tool, a tool you have to become quite familiar with if you are ever going to discover yourself. For it is in the moments that we have nothing left but pain, when we have almost lost our minds, that we discover who we truly are on the deepest levels. And if you are meant to, you will complete the journey through the pain. This is a crucial part for discovering if you are eligible for the Joining.”
“And what the hell is this ‘Joining’ thing?? I never asked to be a part of your fucking cult!!” I screamed at him, real frustration flowing from my eyes in the form of teardrops.
“Yes, James, you did.” James said. “I can see that you’re entering the final stages. I cannot see you until the fifth day once this has started. Good luck, it is crucial that you pass this step and finish the journey.” With that, he took off, leaving me to scream after him.
I fell to my knees once I was done screaming to fight off the swords stabbing into my abdomen. I talked to myself, but I forget what was said. After an undistinguished period of time, I pulled myself together despite the raw hopelessness I felt pooling in the back of my mouth. Something was calming me. The light, maybe, painting its splendor across the stratus clouds. The sea, maybe, whispering reassurance to me in my time of need. This planet really was like a mother to me.
Suddenly, an intense feeling of sadness struck me, sadness for my true mother whom I could not remember. And in the sea and the sun’s caress, I felt lonely again. I stood up and looked down at the water. It was navy blue now, the sun seemed to be rising so slowly. I saw something move, something very long, something very big. All of a sudden, the whole ocean was alight, bright and turquoise. It wasn’t the sun, it couldn’t be the sun. The light was coming from within, for I saw an army of underwater silhouettes. The shapes were of beasts that I couldn’t imagine.
I was transfixed. The ocean seemed to move closer to me, to envelop me, like a mother waiting with open arms. The height didn’t make me sick, I leaned our far over the edge, being drawn ever closer to the brightened water. Suddenly, a sandbag floated up and in front of my face. How strange, I thought.
But the sandbag wasn’t floating, it was falling, right next to me. Fear is what I should have felt, cold and clammy. Instead, the sensation of me hitting the water was far from it, I felt warm for the first time since I woke up on that hot air balloon.
What happened after that? I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I was gone.
Day Four
I woke up and smiled. This was the last day. I had no idea how I had come to be back on the floor of the basket of the hot air balloon, but I was not complaining. I was not in the mood to complain about anything. For today was the first day that I woke up actually knowing who I was. I don’t want to discuss it with you, reader, but don’t take offense. An explanation of who I used to be would not do the final day of this incredible journey any justice. That mundane man was gone for good.
What I anticipated was for James to visit me. Sadness is what I felt, I had forgotten that I would never see James again. Yet, he would be with me constantly. The sense of humor that my benefactors possessed, oh how cruel and amusing. James was, no, is me. That penguin was my corpse, taken from my grave and molded into the shape of the flightless bird who flew to greet me every morning. James was who I am now, the part of me that was in the know, administering the test to my clueless other side, the ghost who couldn’t let go.
I had always believed that the ocean was a magical place. I believed that even more now, underneath the waves, I had rediscovered a priceless sunken treasure, myself.
Now I was waiting for them to come and pick me up. I looked over the edge once more and saw an animal grazing alone in a field. It was large and weird looking, reptilian. I smiled down at the creature once I realized what it was. I had never seen a dinosaur before, a triceratops to be exact.
I called out to it, my voice echoed across the empty field. I could hear it plodding on the grass, grunt, and chew. It looked up at me, but not really at me, a bright light was falling through the sky right towards it.
The impact of the asteroid was immense, that animal had no doubt died instantly. The balloon was hurled away and dust shot up and covered us. Though all was chaos around me, I heard nothing. This was true silence, eerie silence. Suddenly, snap! I knew that the last sandbag had fallen off. The balloon rose out of the blinding cloud of dust and I looked down at the planet. The clouds were spreading fast, but not as fast as I was rising. I could hear again, and the noises of the planet were becoming fainter by the second. It was also getting colder.
I looked away from the genocide of the terrible lizards and up towards the sun and saw space as I had never seen it before. It was brilliant and bright, beautiful beyond explanation. I swear I could hear the wind blow dust storms across the face of Mars from here. But the glow of the sun was intensifying. Soon, I saw nothing but white. Soon, I heard nothing but white. The journey was completely over, I knew that I had Joined with them, ecstasy filled my every cell.
I know that this story seemed strange to you, but one day maybe you will understand. That is, if you ever are lucky enough to take your own journey and eventually Join us.