Wanna Live It Up Just Because

Arpeggio wandered mindlessly through the aisles of the family-owned grocery store. The band had some time to relax before going to dinner. The dinner they would be going to was a mass one for all of the bands and speakers that would be participating in the music festival—as well as the crews, stagehands, merch workers, and everyone else involved. Neon called ahead of time to make sure the food was edible for Arpeggio; going to the grocery store was pointless.

When they had gotten to the grocery store, the band members immediately began a game of hide and seek. Arpeggio didn't participate and was stranded from her hidden band mates.

Arpeggio looked at the various brightly colored candy wrappers. They were appealing to her eyes. She wished she could have them but she couldn't jeopardize her health. The wrappers taunted her, begging her to rip them open and devour their treats.

Looking at the brightly colored candies reminded Arpeggio that she just wanted to be normal. She wanted to be able to do and eat the things that other teenagers did. She wanted to know what those skittles tasted like. She wanted to know what it was like not having to prick her finger three times daily just to eat.

She just wanted to know what it was like, even if it was for one day.

But she was born normal. She didn't have to worry about what she ate and did before the age of two. For two of the seventeen years she was alive, she was okay.

"Hey," Neon said, distracting Arpeggio from the candies.

Arpeggio looked at her older sibling, shocked. Where did she come from? She wasn't standing there earlier. Neon was leaning against the shelves, taking labored breaths.

"When did you get here?" Arpeggio asked.

"Just now."

"Oh. I didn't see you."

Arpeggio sent a fleeting glance to the shelf of candies and bit her lip. When she looked back at her sister, Neon was glaring at the shelf. Arpeggio sighed. She wanted her sister to stop worrying so much about what she ate. Neon didn't need to. But she was always making sure she was eating only the amount she needed to in order to maintain a healthy weight. Even though she didn't need to worry, she did.

Arpeggio would never have been able to get away with not eating. Not only was her sister constantly on her back about making sure she ate what she needed, but her diabetes would never allow it. Arpeggio wanted to know what it was like to choose her own meals without fear of having a hypoglycemic attack. She wanted to know what it was like to make the decision to starve herself; though she would never do that even if she could.

"What's it like?" Arpeggio asked, pulling her older siblings attention to her.

"What's what like?" asked Neon.

The drummer bit her lip in an attempt to keep tears from flowing.

"Being normal."

"What are you talking about?"

Arpeggio took a breath, "Being able to eat what you want and do what you want without having to worry that it will affect your health. To be able to eat candy and drink sodas that are full of sugar. To not be made fun of for something you can't help."

She let the tears she had been trying to hold fall freely. There was no way she contain them for any longer.

"Oh, honey," Neon cooed, pulling her sister into a hug.

Arpeggio rested her head against Neon's shoulder, allowing her noiseless tears to land on her sleeve. Her tears turned into simple sniffles.

"I hate being diabetic," Arpeggio mumbled.

"You shouldn't hate it. I know it sucks that you're always sick and I know you hate that I have to watch over you all the time. But there are plus sides," Neon ran her fingers through Arpeggio's hair.

"Like what?"

"You never have to worry about your weight; you have to stay healthy because you'll end up hurting yourself if you don't. You have doctors who know you by name. Teachers tend to give you special privileges. You get on airplanes first because you're considered handicap. You can handle needles, unlike Dante. Lestat gives you piggyback rides everywhere. You're mature because of what you've been through. And you helped us grow up."

Arpeggio sighed, rubbing her face on her sister's shoulder. Neon was right on all those. But that didn't change the fact that she wanted to have a taste of normality. She would never get that.

"You know you gave mom and dad a wake up call when you were diagnosed. They realized they couldn't just handoff their kids to some nanny and expect them to be okay. If it weren't for you, our family wouldn't have been as close as it was," Neon stated.

"Really?"

Neon made a noise in confirmation.

"What was I like before the diabetes?" Arpeggio asked.

She couldn't remember that far back in her childhood. Her most recent memory was of the first day of school when she started getting made fun of.

Not the most pleasant first memory.

"You wouldn't nurse unless mom put syrup on her nipple. It was the funniest thing. You were such a pretty baby. I don't think I've ever seen a baby as cute as you were. You almost never cried. I used to sit down and hold you; you would smile and laugh at me, pull my hair, blow spit bubbles. You stopped a lot of those things when you were diagnosed. You were constantly in pain, I guess. You're first word was 'Owie.' You cried bloody murder when you were given shots. You would look up at us and say 'why.' It was hard to watch you go through."

And that comment made something inside Arpeggio snap.

"It was hard to watch you starve yourself to near death," Arpeggio mumbled.

"Arpeggio—."

"No, you don't know what it was like from the outside. No one could understand why you were doing it. All I knew was my strong, independent, loudmouth sister was dwindling away to nothing. You were cranky, angry, and sad all the time. Do you know who found you passed out?"

"No," Neon whispered into her sister's hair.

"Me. We were about to have dinner and I decided I wanted to see if my sister wanted to eat. I got up there and you were on the ground in your bathroom. There was blood on the ground from where your head hit the sink and blood coming from your mouth because you hurt your throat while throwing up. You looked like a skeleton and you weren't breathing. Watching me go through diabetes treatments is nothing like watching you starve."

It was quiet. The two siblings remained in an embrace. Their relationship was in a fragile state; bringing up past traumatic events could break or strengthen it. It was necessary for them to talk about it, necessary for them to move on.

"I'm sorry," Neon whispered.

Arpeggio sighed, "I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too," Arpeggio smiled against her sister's shoulder.