Dear Diary, Love Chelsea
12-29-12
Dear Diary,
It's been a while. But it's usually a while between my entries isnt it? :/ Well I'm not really in a good mood today. Its been a rough month and its only going to get worse. One of my best friends is going on a cruise for a week tomorrow and I'm gonna miss him like crazy since, ya know, he's the only person I talk to.
So, its almost been two years. Two whole years since the first time. I dont want to think about it but that date is just forever inscribed into my brain. 1-2-10. That day haunts me and back in January on the second I freaked out and I couldnt take it. I panicked and I tried it again. All those feelings of hate and regret came flooding back to me. I was ready for it to be OVER. Every thing to be over and I never want to feel that way again..
But last night.. ugh last night was hell. I was sitting here like I am now on tumblr and all of a sudden I feel such a... a need to cut. And I did.. I relapsed. Its almost been 5 months since my last time and I failed myself..
I'm scared to tell my friend.. I'm afraid to hurt him like that again.. I'm afraid he'll hate me and will worry the whole time he's gone on his cruise and wont have any fun.. That's a horrible feeling, knowing your the whole reason that person isnt happy..
I'm done for the day. I'm sorry for wasting your time I just needed to get it out.
Lots-of-Love,
Chelsea
It's been a while. But it's usually a while between my entries isnt it? :/ Well I'm not really in a good mood today. Its been a rough month and its only going to get worse. One of my best friends is going on a cruise for a week tomorrow and I'm gonna miss him like crazy since, ya know, he's the only person I talk to.
So, its almost been two years. Two whole years since the first time. I dont want to think about it but that date is just forever inscribed into my brain. 1-2-10. That day haunts me and back in January on the second I freaked out and I couldnt take it. I panicked and I tried it again. All those feelings of hate and regret came flooding back to me. I was ready for it to be OVER. Every thing to be over and I never want to feel that way again..
But last night.. ugh last night was hell. I was sitting here like I am now on tumblr and all of a sudden I feel such a... a need to cut. And I did.. I relapsed. Its almost been 5 months since my last time and I failed myself..
I'm scared to tell my friend.. I'm afraid to hurt him like that again.. I'm afraid he'll hate me and will worry the whole time he's gone on his cruise and wont have any fun.. That's a horrible feeling, knowing your the whole reason that person isnt happy..
I'm done for the day. I'm sorry for wasting your time I just needed to get it out.
Lots-of-Love,
Chelsea