Dirty Little Secret

“What the fuck?” I stood up and brushed off my butt.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”

Okay, what is wrong with him? Is he unaware of anything that happened this past week?

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, sitting back down on the swing. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?”

He thought about it for a moment and shook his head. “Not really, no.”

I pointed over to my brother and said, “Does that ring a bell?”

He pondered for a moment and realization struck him. “Uh, I’m really sorry I showed up last night. I swear, it wasn’t intentional. He told you what happened, right? You know how it is when people get drunk.”

I nodded. I knew too well what happened when people get drunk.

“What are you doing here, Jack?” I asked, letting go of last night’s incident.

“I was just out for a stroll,” he said, sitting down on the swing next to me. “Then I saw you.”

“So you just decided to shove me off a swing?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

“I was trying to push you,” he said.

I laughed dryly. “And what makes you think I would enjoy being pushed by you, of all people?”

His head lowered. “It was supposed to be surprising and romantic.”

I stiffened. “What are you saying?”

My heart rate quickened as I turned to face him. He stayed quiet, which was unusual for him. “Jack?”

“What I’m saying is...I want to start over,” he replied, “I want you to forget about the past two years and all the stupid shit I did. I want you to be able to look me straight in the eye again. I want to show you how much I’ve changed. I want you to trust me again. I want to see Capri.”

I watched as he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

I sighed. “Things aren’t that simple, Jack. Trust me, you’re not the only one that wants to forget everything that happened. But things did happen. And it’s not just me you’re dealing with now. What about Capri? You can’t just walk into her life announcing that you’re her dad out of nowhere. Do you know much that would mess her up? A complete stranger calling himself her father?”

“That’s why I want you to give me a chance to get to know her,” he said, “Please, Holly. I just want to get to know my daughter. I don’t care if you don’t tell her who I am. I just want to get to know Capri.”

My feet kicked the dirt underneath them. “I’ll…think about it.”

“I’ve thought about this and waited two years,” Jack said, the desperation apparent in his voice, “Don’t you think it’s time Capri meets me? I know she’s too young to know she’s supposed to have a dad, but don’t you think she feels like there’s someone missing?”

“You think I don’t know that, Jack?” I said, my voice slightly rising, “You don’t know how grateful I am to have Caitlyn and my mom around. They filled in the spot you left wide open.”

He got off the swing and stood in front of me. “But now I’m ready to fill that spot again. I’m ready to take on the responsibility of having a daughter. I’m ready to be a dad…and a husband.”

I shook my head and ignored the latter of what he had said. “You’re crazy, Jack. How am I supposed to know that you’re ready to take on that responsibility? You were gone for two years. You didn’t contact me to let me know you were even alive. You disappeared.”

He kneeled down and took my hands in his. I tried to pull them away, but he kept a tight grip on them. “Look, I know what I did was wrong. I recognize all the mistakes I made and I’m sorry you had to go through this on your own. But I would be the happiest guy in the world if I had the chance to get to know you again. I just want a chance to gain back the trust I lost.”

I felt my eyes well up and closed them tight. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“Holly?”

I opened my eyes to see my brother and Becca approaching us with Capri in tow. Jack and I stood up simultaneously, his hands still tightly grasping mine.

“What’s going on?” Tom asked, his eyes focused on our hands. I quickly pulled them away.

“He was just about to leave,” I said.

Jack looked at me with pleading eyes.

“I’ll call you later,” I said.

He turned to Tom and Becca and nodded before leaving.

“Mommy!” Capri ran towards me and I picked her up.

“Who’s that?” she asked sweetly.

I looked over to Jack’s retreating figure and answered, “Just a friend.”