Dirty Little Secret

He stood there, emotionless, for what seemed like forever. His face was rid of emotion; leaving me no clues to decipher what was running through his head. I carefully watched as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet awkwardly. He opened and closed his mouth, as if he didn’t know what to say, but settled in the silence. The air was so tense; you could hear a pin drop.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he looked away when the door clicked open behind me.

“Are you coming in, Holls?”

I ignored her and kept my gaze on Jack. There was a flicker of shock, but he quickly covered it up and cleared his throat. “Um, I’ll…see you.”

I watched his figure retreated into the elevator and before I knew it, I was in my bed. I didn’t remember changing into my pajamas, but here I was lying wide awake in the dark. Caitlyn had gone to sleep a few hours ago, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack. His reaction had been so subtle, yet impacting. It was hard to describe what I was feeling.

I couldn’t say I was surprised. I knew it was foolish of me to actually think that he would accept it. I guess there was a glimmer of hope inside of me that wanted him to be different.
I set aside my feelings, and finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, I woke up from the sound of banging pots in the kitchen. I closed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep, but it was near impossible by the amount of noise my best friend was making.

After successfully untangling myself from the mess of blankets, I slipped on my slippers and groggily made my way to the kitchen. Soon, the sweet smells of eggs and bacon wafted up my nostrils. Caitlyn was standing behind the counter when she noticed me

“Hey, I made us breakfast.”

I nodded. “I see. And heard.”

She giggled. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were still asleep.”

“It’s okay,” I shrugged, “I’m starving anyways.”

She passed me a plate stacked with a full serving of eggs, sausage, and hash browns. I took it and sat down at the small table as she sat across from me.

“I didn’t know you were capable of cooking something edible,” I said after I took a bite.
She scoffed. “You act as if I’ve never cooked before. Plus, Seth gave me some cooking lessons.”

I laughed. “Seth cooks? Who would’ve thought?”

Caitlyn stood up to get a cup of orange juice. “Do you want some?”

I nodded in reply. I took a sip when she handed it to me.

“So,” she started, “How was it with Jack after you guys left us during dinner?”

I tensed up at the sound of his name, but quickly moved to pick up my fork in an attempt to disguise it. I contemplated whether I should say anything, but finally settled on telling her the truth.

“Not so great,” I looked down at my plate.

Her playful demeanor softened as she sat. “What happened?”

“I told him about Capri,” I said, “Rian had been stressing to me how important it was to tell him before he found out from somebody other than me, so I thought I would. And the night was perfect, too. Until my dumb ass freaked him out by blurting it out too soon.”

“I’m sure you didn’t freak him out too much. Maybe he was overwhelmed by everything yesterday. Can you blame the guy?” she looked at me sympathetically, “You should try calling him later and talk to him. I’m sure things will work out sooner or later.”

“I hope you’re right.”

---

I thought about calling Jack, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. All I could think about was his expression when he walked away. I had never seen that side of him before; he was always the happy-go-lucky guy. It was strange to see this foreign look on his face, especially after knowing that I was the cause of it.

“Touch my body,
put me on the floor,
wrestle me around-“

As soon as I heard the ridiculous ringtone he had set for himself, I froze. I didn’t expect him to call before I did let alone think about what I was going to tell him. Caitlyn wasn’t home today, so I didn’t have an excuse not to answer, but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I moved to pick up the phone, but it stopped ringing.

Technically, he hung up before I picked up, so I didn’t actually reject the call, right?
That was what I kept telling myself for the next hour. But soon enough, the guilt got to me and my sleek black phone was in the palm of my hand with Jack’s number on the screen, ready to be dialed. Afraid that my finger might “accidentally” slip onto the ‘end’ button, I quickly pressed the call button.

Well, it was now or never.

“Hello?” I heard him grumble.

“Jack?” I asked, “I was thinking that we need to talk.”

“What do you think we’re doing right now?” he spat.

I sighed, “I mean, we should talk in person somewhere.”

He didn’t reply. “Meet me at Starbucks. Please?”

“I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

I hope fifteen minutes was enough to get my shit together.