One Shot And Then You're Dead
Let Me Join You In Death
Dear Mikes,
The day you were born I was too scared to hold you. You were so little, so delicate, so important to Mum and Dad. I thought that if I touched you I’d somehow fuck you up. I was only 2 and a half but I knew it.
I blame myself for what happened to you. If it wasn’t for me you’d still be alive. You’d still be here. You’d still be my baby brother. It was all my fault.
That hot summer’s day was turning into a hot summer’s night. Mum and Dad had gone to Wellington for the weekend. We had the house to ourselves. You wanted to stay home for the night and watch movies but I wanted to you to come out with me. You eventually caved and said that I owed you on. I just laughed. We decided to go to the local underage joint, Zebedees. It was one of those “No Drugs, No Booze, No Problems” sort of places, meaning to stop all the bad things from happening. We were meeting up with some mates from school. Even though we were 2 years apart in age, I was still in year 10 with you. I got held back, not because I was dumb but because I was never there in the hope that it would get me put with you after you got put up. It worked. Me being in the same year as you made me see you in a new light. You were an intelligent kid, Mikes and I always admired you for that. You would always have your hand up first in class. All the other kids called you a nerd and to be honest with your lankiness, glasses, straight hair and intelligence I can see why. You knew way to much for a normal 15 year-old kids, but you weren’t normal. No, not by a long-shot.
Anyway that night we went to Zebz and met up with the other guys and headed in. Once inside we headed for the pool tables, grabbing a bottle of ‘V’ on the way over. It was our usual routine.
We chilled for a while, doing what was normal for us. You know, playing some pool and drinking way too many energy drinks. Then we decided to go and mosh. We pushed our way to the front just as your favorite band started to perform. You turned to me and smiled. Oh that smile, you could control the world with that smile. I smiled back thinking how cute you were in your Anthrax tee, black skinny jeans and fully black Chucks.
After moshing for about half an hour I tapped you on the shoulder and pointed over to the bar, gesturing to head over there. You nodded and followed. When we got to the bar I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket and I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID, it was Mum. I answered it and a couple of minutes later hung up again. You asked who is was and I said that it was Mum and that she wanted us to pick her and Dad up from the airport in about half an hour to take them home. We went and told the guys that we were leaving and then said our goodbyes. We left and heading out towards the car. That’s when it happened, the end of my life as anyone would ever know it.
Maybe if the truck driver was watching the road instead of his cell phone. Maybe if he had sent hat the lights were red. Maybe if we had of stayed home. Maybe if I hadn’t of forced you to come out then maybe, just maybe you would still be here and I wouldn’t of turned to these pretty little pink pills that were slowly taking my life away. Taking it just to let me, Let Me Join You In Death.
Your Loving Brother Forever and Always
Gerard xxx
The day you were born I was too scared to hold you. You were so little, so delicate, so important to Mum and Dad. I thought that if I touched you I’d somehow fuck you up. I was only 2 and a half but I knew it.
I blame myself for what happened to you. If it wasn’t for me you’d still be alive. You’d still be here. You’d still be my baby brother. It was all my fault.
That hot summer’s day was turning into a hot summer’s night. Mum and Dad had gone to Wellington for the weekend. We had the house to ourselves. You wanted to stay home for the night and watch movies but I wanted to you to come out with me. You eventually caved and said that I owed you on. I just laughed. We decided to go to the local underage joint, Zebedees. It was one of those “No Drugs, No Booze, No Problems” sort of places, meaning to stop all the bad things from happening. We were meeting up with some mates from school. Even though we were 2 years apart in age, I was still in year 10 with you. I got held back, not because I was dumb but because I was never there in the hope that it would get me put with you after you got put up. It worked. Me being in the same year as you made me see you in a new light. You were an intelligent kid, Mikes and I always admired you for that. You would always have your hand up first in class. All the other kids called you a nerd and to be honest with your lankiness, glasses, straight hair and intelligence I can see why. You knew way to much for a normal 15 year-old kids, but you weren’t normal. No, not by a long-shot.
Anyway that night we went to Zebz and met up with the other guys and headed in. Once inside we headed for the pool tables, grabbing a bottle of ‘V’ on the way over. It was our usual routine.
We chilled for a while, doing what was normal for us. You know, playing some pool and drinking way too many energy drinks. Then we decided to go and mosh. We pushed our way to the front just as your favorite band started to perform. You turned to me and smiled. Oh that smile, you could control the world with that smile. I smiled back thinking how cute you were in your Anthrax tee, black skinny jeans and fully black Chucks.
After moshing for about half an hour I tapped you on the shoulder and pointed over to the bar, gesturing to head over there. You nodded and followed. When we got to the bar I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket and I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID, it was Mum. I answered it and a couple of minutes later hung up again. You asked who is was and I said that it was Mum and that she wanted us to pick her and Dad up from the airport in about half an hour to take them home. We went and told the guys that we were leaving and then said our goodbyes. We left and heading out towards the car. That’s when it happened, the end of my life as anyone would ever know it.
Maybe if the truck driver was watching the road instead of his cell phone. Maybe if he had sent hat the lights were red. Maybe if we had of stayed home. Maybe if I hadn’t of forced you to come out then maybe, just maybe you would still be here and I wouldn’t of turned to these pretty little pink pills that were slowly taking my life away. Taking it just to let me, Let Me Join You In Death.
Your Loving Brother Forever and Always
Gerard xxx