Status: Completed 1/1
Fight A Demon, Or Die Trying.
Can you put the past away?
Everyone has demons, not in the literal sense of course but then again maybe some of us have those kinds too. Not me though, I've got the ones that you can't see the ones that don't hurt you in the literal sense, they don't leave cuts or bruises not even a swollen cheek. They do however, tear you apart little by little on the inside. Those in my opinion are the worst kind of demons you have to face. How do you fight with demons that you can't touch? You can't see. When you tell someone else they're all around you they don't believe you, how do you fight them?
I guess my way of fighting them isn't so effective since they always come back. But being able to get out of my own skin for a couple of hours is better than being stuck in it for life. A bottle of jack, a couple of cigarrettes and there it is. The cure for your demons, or at least the temporary cure. I've made a name for myself now at least, maybe it's not the reputation everyone wants but for me it's better than what they could call me. I'm Alicia the party girl to everyone, the one who always drinks a little too much the one who given the chance will take anything you throw at her. At least I'm not " Alicia the Girl Who Is Secretly Afraid of Her Own Shadow"
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I rolled out of bed this afternoon and didn't even bother to look in the mirror. I knew what I would see. The hungover blonde girl, I knew my makeup was smeared because I hardly made it to my bed let alone to the bathroom to wash it off before I passed out, my hair was a mess, that was a given I didn't need to see myself in the mirror to know it. I inhaled puffed my cheeks out and exhaled before stumbling down the stairs with my eyes squinted. When I got to the bottom I was greeted to my roommate Kassidy holding out the routine bottle of ibproufen and glass of water. It really was a routine now a days, I'd wake up at noon with a hangover and Kassidy would baby me until I left for the night again.
"Alicia, you've really gotta stop going out. It' freaking ridiculous." I laughed and swallowed the pill followed by the water and shook my head.
"Really Kassidy? You've been my roommate for years now I don't do that." she sighed in frustration and put her hand on her hips. "Really Alicia, just stay here tonight. We can watch movies or something, I mean you wanted a haircut right? I can help you cut your hair" How much she cared was sweet but not enough to make me stay sober.
"Sounds great, maybe next weekend." I smiled at her and flopped down onto the couch running a hand through my hair. "Alicia! Come on, you're gonna like die or something from all the alcohol and shit" I tuned her out and tuned myself completely into the crime scene show on the telly.
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After hours of doing nothing but lounging I ran back upstairs and got myself ready for yet another night out. I wasn't sure what club I would hit tonight, I was alway sure that I didn't go to the same one twice yesterday was Tiger Tiger. Today I'll go to Ministry of Sound, that's my favourite. Now a days, I don't even know why I change everyday they see me enough to know I don't just occasionally go out clubbing. I'm a regular
I bounded back up the stairs, and dove into my closet searching for something to wear tonight. I finally found it and ran into the bathroom to make myself look decent. "Kassidy I'm going to Ministry of Sound tonight, you wanna come?" I yelled from the bathroom.
"Uhm, sure thing. I'll be the designated driver though, I always am" She yelled back.
After a ride on the metro and a quick walk we were at the entrance of the club showing the bouncer our tickets and id's. It felt good to know that in a matter of mintues my problems would be gone, at least for a night.
Except, I didn't know that was going to be the night that changed it all. I remember waking up in the hospital, but other than that, nothing. Apparently I had gotten alcohol poisoning and they were very keen on me joing a AA group. According to doctors "They had great faith that I'd recover from my addiction and could start new", what they don't know is I don't WANT to get better. I'm fine with alcoholism, it's a part of me and I can't change myself. The inner battles I have with myself daily are soothed into submission by my addiction, it's not a curse, it's a gift. You know what they say, never look a gift horse in the mouth.
I like myself the way I am. I won't change ever. I left the hospital a few days after waking up there and never once did I go back again. I never went to AA, I never "got to the root of my problems, my addiction" I let it take me in its arms and hold me there, no questions asked.
Demons are something that everyone has, and as much as they pull us together we are thrown apart by them too. Everyone deals with them differently, I drink someone else might find solace in running from their problems. A bottle of jack and a cigarrette is all I need and all I'll ever ask for.
The previous story was a journal entry from an alcoholic. She never got proper help, never did attend those AA meetings. Alicia's demons that she speaks about we later found out, that they ranged widely from bi-polar disorder to the divorce of her parents and death of her brother. She died on September 10, 2006 from once again, alcohol posion.Her blood sugar dropped dangerously low and eventually, her heart stopped. Let this be a tale of caution, if you feel that you need help with your problems look to a person you trust, NOT the bottle.
I guess my way of fighting them isn't so effective since they always come back. But being able to get out of my own skin for a couple of hours is better than being stuck in it for life. A bottle of jack, a couple of cigarrettes and there it is. The cure for your demons, or at least the temporary cure. I've made a name for myself now at least, maybe it's not the reputation everyone wants but for me it's better than what they could call me. I'm Alicia the party girl to everyone, the one who always drinks a little too much the one who given the chance will take anything you throw at her. At least I'm not " Alicia the Girl Who Is Secretly Afraid of Her Own Shadow"
-------
I rolled out of bed this afternoon and didn't even bother to look in the mirror. I knew what I would see. The hungover blonde girl, I knew my makeup was smeared because I hardly made it to my bed let alone to the bathroom to wash it off before I passed out, my hair was a mess, that was a given I didn't need to see myself in the mirror to know it. I inhaled puffed my cheeks out and exhaled before stumbling down the stairs with my eyes squinted. When I got to the bottom I was greeted to my roommate Kassidy holding out the routine bottle of ibproufen and glass of water. It really was a routine now a days, I'd wake up at noon with a hangover and Kassidy would baby me until I left for the night again.
"Alicia, you've really gotta stop going out. It' freaking ridiculous." I laughed and swallowed the pill followed by the water and shook my head.
"Really Kassidy? You've been my roommate for years now I don't do that." she sighed in frustration and put her hand on her hips. "Really Alicia, just stay here tonight. We can watch movies or something, I mean you wanted a haircut right? I can help you cut your hair" How much she cared was sweet but not enough to make me stay sober.
"Sounds great, maybe next weekend." I smiled at her and flopped down onto the couch running a hand through my hair. "Alicia! Come on, you're gonna like die or something from all the alcohol and shit" I tuned her out and tuned myself completely into the crime scene show on the telly.
---------------------------
After hours of doing nothing but lounging I ran back upstairs and got myself ready for yet another night out. I wasn't sure what club I would hit tonight, I was alway sure that I didn't go to the same one twice yesterday was Tiger Tiger. Today I'll go to Ministry of Sound, that's my favourite. Now a days, I don't even know why I change everyday they see me enough to know I don't just occasionally go out clubbing. I'm a regular
I bounded back up the stairs, and dove into my closet searching for something to wear tonight. I finally found it and ran into the bathroom to make myself look decent. "Kassidy I'm going to Ministry of Sound tonight, you wanna come?" I yelled from the bathroom.
"Uhm, sure thing. I'll be the designated driver though, I always am" She yelled back.
After a ride on the metro and a quick walk we were at the entrance of the club showing the bouncer our tickets and id's. It felt good to know that in a matter of mintues my problems would be gone, at least for a night.
Except, I didn't know that was going to be the night that changed it all. I remember waking up in the hospital, but other than that, nothing. Apparently I had gotten alcohol poisoning and they were very keen on me joing a AA group. According to doctors "They had great faith that I'd recover from my addiction and could start new", what they don't know is I don't WANT to get better. I'm fine with alcoholism, it's a part of me and I can't change myself. The inner battles I have with myself daily are soothed into submission by my addiction, it's not a curse, it's a gift. You know what they say, never look a gift horse in the mouth.
I like myself the way I am. I won't change ever. I left the hospital a few days after waking up there and never once did I go back again. I never went to AA, I never "got to the root of my problems, my addiction" I let it take me in its arms and hold me there, no questions asked.
Demons are something that everyone has, and as much as they pull us together we are thrown apart by them too. Everyone deals with them differently, I drink someone else might find solace in running from their problems. A bottle of jack and a cigarrette is all I need and all I'll ever ask for.
The previous story was a journal entry from an alcoholic. She never got proper help, never did attend those AA meetings. Alicia's demons that she speaks about we later found out, that they ranged widely from bi-polar disorder to the divorce of her parents and death of her brother. She died on September 10, 2006 from once again, alcohol posion.Her blood sugar dropped dangerously low and eventually, her heart stopped. Let this be a tale of caution, if you feel that you need help with your problems look to a person you trust, NOT the bottle.