You Just Love to Hate Me

Fuck. Why did I have to go and do that? I'd finally plucked up the courage to kiss Monte, and now I was running away embarrassed like a scolded dog with it's tail between it's legs. I mean, he doesn't like me like that, right? He just kissed back because I initiated it in the first place. He's a sweetheart; he doesn't like to make anybody angry.

Okay, I admit it. I love everything about Bryan Monte Money. His hair, his cute smile, that concentrated look he gets on his face when he's playing his beloved guitar. His scent. Omg, especially his scent. The energy he gives out when we perform is amazing.

Righttt, I'll stop now. I sound like a girl.

I use my behavior on stage to get closer to him, trying to pass it off as I was “just doing it for the fans.” But I think Max sees through my lies. He's jealous of Monte, I can tell, so I have to act sexual around him too to make it seem like I'm normally like that. Even though I'm not attracted to him. At all.

C'mon, I may be bisexual, but that doesn't mean that I'd sleep with just anybody! I have standards. I don't think I'd be able to cope with Max's jealous tendencies if I dated him. Monte's so easy going and laid-back compared to him.

You're probably wondering why I don't just go ahead and tell him how I feel, aren't you? Well my friend, I have aslight huge fear of rejection.

But he looked so damn sexy during rehearsal. And I will admit, during Something, I was singing the lyrics to him specifically; it kind of fits with our situation right now. I want him to forgive me cos I have treated him badly.

He makes me crazy. Mixes up my thoughts like a pineapple in a food blender.

I decide to bite the bullet at the end of rehearsal and talk to him.

I will tell him how I feel dammit!