I See You Lying Next To Me

Gerard slowly walked back to the hotel thinking about his evening with Kitty. It had just been like the old days where they couldn’t stop talking, he’d missed that. She was holding back, of course she would, he was used to seeing her when they had been a couple, when they were all over each other like a rash knowing the ins and outs of each other and guessing at each other’s moods.

But that was then and he felt a couple of regrets wash over him as he climbed the steps into the hotel. It was obvious that she hadn’t received the two birthday cards that he’d sent her, the first one containing a letter, stupid idiot he thought suddenly, I was stupid sending them to her sister’s house because the bitch Mel probably hadn’t even handed them over to her.

The second regret was more serious and he felt ashamed.

He’d slept with Eliza two months ago and he wished he hadn’t.

**

I was in the kitchen when I heard the door opening and knew Liz had arrived and judging by her timing, I was sure she must have seen Gerard leaving or at least walking off down the road. Shit. Liz would want to know everything and would wonder why Gerard stayed this long.

“Oh my god,” said Liz at the doorway of the back room.

I turned and watched Liz’s face; she seemed shocked for some reason.

“What?” I said getting a couple of mugs from the cupboard.

“That’s… Gerard’s robe,” she said.

“So it is.” I said sarcastically.

“I don’t believe you still wear that thing,” said Liz coming in and hanging her jacket up onto a hook behind the door.

“I’ve always worn it and I can’t find anything around that looks or feels as comfortable as this.” I said going to the fridge to get milk.

“I haven’t seen it in ages in fact I’ve not seen you dressed like that for ages,” she said turning to me. “I know he was here Kitty, I saw him down the street, he didn’t see me but…has he been here all night?”

“Yes and what are you doing giving him the key to this place?” I said detracting the subject for an instance onto her.

“Yeah…I know, as soon as I gave him the thing I realised I’d made a mistake but he’d gone before I could get it back and explain to him.”

“Kitty, are you and he…back together?”.

“No. We’re not and we didn’t do anything, we just talked,” I said pouring some coffee into the mugs.

But Liz didn’t answer and this caused me to turn to her.

“It’s the truth. We talked.” I said.

“Well you always could talk non-stop the pair of you. So did you tell him about Dan?” said Liz sitting at the table.

I hesitated and just took the mugs over to the table.

“No. I couldn’t.”

“Why not? I also see the ring is still not back on your finger.” She said looking at my hand as I drank my coffee.

“Very observant,” I said to her. “Look Liz, don’t lets argue over this, I’ll go up right now and put it back on my finger if that makes you happy.”

“Yeah but its not my happiness we’re talking about. It’s yours. You shouldn’t be marrying Dan and you know it.”

“Dan’s good and kind and he’s… stable.”

“And Gerard’s not, that what you mean?”

I couldn’t answer.

“Kitty you know everything about Gerard and what he and you went through, he’s come through it all and he’s fine, he seems stable enough to me.”

I yawned then and felt weary from lack of sleep. I couldn’t be bothered to talk to Liz she was doing my head in and I didn’t mean it about Gerard not being stable, it was just something that came out.

“Why don’t you go back upstairs and get a few hours sleep then freshen up? It looks like you can do with it,” she said.

“You don’t mind?” I questioned looking at her.

“I can look after the Gallery you know I can and I know where you are if I need you.”

I stretched my arms and yawned once more.

“You definitely need a new robe. You have a huge hole under each armpit,” she said laughing at me.

“I can’t part with it and if you bought me another one then I’d never wear it.”

“What does Dan think of it? I bet he thinks it’s an old rag.”

“Dan hasn’t stayed here, you know that, I’ve only ever slept over at Dan’s place and when I’m there I just use his robe.”

“Why don’t you want him to stay here?” She asked then hung her head slightly. “No sorry, that’s too personal,” she said putting her head down.

“Since when have you worried about asking ‘too personal’ a question? This is my place and I want it to stay that way. I hardly stay at Dan’s anyway; I kind of avoid it really as often as I can. Its just a couple of minutes walk from the Dragon and I just know that when I go we have to pay her a visit and I have to be on my best behaviour. She hates me but I don’t give a fuck.”

“I love that you still call Dan’s mother the Dragon. Isn’t she good friends with Mel? I noticed they were together a lot at your engagement party?”

“Of course, they’re bosom buddies and I bet Mel and her have wonderful comments about good old me, the wayward sister and daughter-in-law to be.” I said rolling my eyes.

“Do you think Mel has told her about Gerard and the guys?”

“I doubt it, she wouldn’t know who they were and as I said before, Mel would keep it quiet for her own benefit but I think they both know I have a rebellious streak about me, when I’ve gone for lunches with some of the women friends they know, you can see Mel and the Dragon squirming away in their seats practically hoping I don’t slip up and say something out of order.”

“Oh… I was hoping you did slip up and say something, cause a disagreement, an argument or something.”

“May be one day I will,” I said. Yeah may be one day I could steer the conversation away from their personal trainers, how awful their cleaners can be and how they avoid sex as often as possible. Actually, I could see that side of it as I quite often avoided sex with Dan.

“Right, I’ll go up for a few hours, remember that new painting I did needs to get put on the stand over by the window.” I said glancing over at her.

“I remember, now go get some sleep,” she said, “and may be when you come back down I’ll tell you all about Bob.”

**

Settling down I couldn’t help somehow remembering the night before and watching Gerard sing that haunting song. It was amazing and of course, my dream took me way back…

**

Mikey wanted us to go and see this band play called Pencey Prep. He was friends with one of the guys in that band, Frank something or other and he’d been on about it for some time. He was going with another guy, a guy called Ray who was driving us there.

“So how good is this guy Frank?” Asked Gerard.

“Fucking ace,” said Mikey pushing his glasses up onto his nose, his usual habit I noticed.

“I’m looking forward to seeing them, we’ve heard so much about them and this Frank guy I feel as though I already know them,” I said as I brushed my hair and began tying it into a ponytail.

“Why don’t you leave your hair down?” said Gerard. “You know how I like it down,” he said twinkling at me and smiling. His parents were away for the weekend visiting relatives so Gerard was taking advantage of smoking in the Living Room.

“Mom will kill you if she saw you,” said Mikey strumming away on his bass guitar and looking over his glasses at Gerard.

“I’ll get a good strong air-freshener sprayed around the place and she’ll never know.” He just replied.

“Mom’ll know. You know what she’s like about people smoking. I don’t know how you’ve kept it from her all these years; she must smell it on your clothes.”

”Well if she has she’s never said anything to me,” he replied. He was staring at me and I’d decided to leave my hair down. It had got quite long and I decided I’d get some cut off soon.

”Oh for god’s sake Gerard why don’t you two just stay here after all,” said Mikey pissed off with us because we were obviously looking at each other in a certain way.

“No. We’re coming, we’ve heard so much about this guy and this band I feel I need to see them.” Gerard said.

“Yeah, me too, I’ve been looking forward to this evening,” I said.

There was a knock at the door.

”This must be Ray,” said Mikey getting up off the sofa. “Now…behave will ya,” he said embarrassed by us.

The living room door soon opened and in came Ray but all I saw was a big huge mop of curly hair and an equally huge smile.

“Hi there,” said Ray grinning all over his face, for what reason I did not know.

“Hi Ray,” said Gerard getting up and going over to him and shaking his hand, “good to meet you, I’m Gerard and this is my girlfriend Kitty.”

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi Kitty. So, are we ready to go? I hear you’ve not seen Pencey Prep before?”

“No but we’ve heard all about this Frank guy.” I said.

“Sure. Everyone into music round here has heard of Frank and you’ll know why soon enough.” Said Ray as we all left the house.

**

Yep we did know why everyone had heard of Frank because he played his heart out, he was definitely on another planet when he played. He was awesome.

Afterwards we met this Frank and we told him how well he’d played and he said thanks quite modestly. He was a little bit shy and he too was a smiler, who chuckled every now and again at things that were said.

“But you haven’t heard Ray obviously,” he said. Ray blushed bright red.

“Oh, do you play?” said Gerard taking a drag from his cigarette.

“Sure. I’ve always played.”

“Well one day Ray, we’ll have to take a listen to you too.” Said Gerard drawing once more on his cigarette.

“Ray’s coming over tomorrow, you can listen to him then,” said Mikey.

“Cool,” said Gerard, “we’ll make sure we’re around won’t we Kitty?” He said looking over at me and including me in everything as usual.

“Definitely,” I said. I liked these guys, they were good people and Frank was so talented. I wondered how this Ray would fair after we’d listened to Frank.

That night we made love for the first time in Gerard’s bed. We usually kept it to Sundays at my house but seeing as his parents were away we just had to take advantage of this situation but I felt slightly uncomfortable in his cluttered room.

“Simon the bat is definitely looking at me,” I said as I glanced over my shoulder while Gerard was kissing away at my neck.

“For god sake Kitty, Simon is dead.” He said looking up at me, his long black hair falling over his face.

“He may be dead but he’s still looking at me. Just a minute, I can’t concentrate on what you’re doing.”

I got out of bed, grabbed Gerard’s black hoody and plonked it over Simon.

“That’s better,” I said turning to face Gerard and undoing the buttons of my blouse. “Now where were we?” I said looking at his eyes so full of desire.

“Fucking hell Kitty I didn’t know you weren’t wearing a bra,” he said throwing his head back onto the bed.

“Well it’s a good job or you may have had a visitor at an inappropriate time,” I responded going over to him and leaning topless over him. I began undoing his shirt buttons.

He held my head steady as he grabbed me for a kiss and we kissed long and hard, that wonderful familiar kiss of his that I couldn’t get enough off, our tongues colliding against each other as we began to breath heavily. My fingers found the zipper of his jeans which was difficult to undo over the tightness of his bulge. Finally after some tugging I managed to get his jeans off and over his legs then realised something.

“Gerard you have no underwear on,” I said, shocked at him. “That’s gross.”

“I was in a hurry,” he said smiling at me then before I knew it he’d flipped me over as quick as he could onto my back then slowly his hand crawled up and under my skirt, climbing up my leg and making little circular motions that turned my stomach to mush. He whipped off my skimpy knickers so quickly I didn’t even have time to realise they were gone that is until I moaned gently as I could feel his fingers as they dragged slightly over my special spot causing me to arch my back against his hand.

“Oh Gerard…,” I said sighing against his lips as he took his fingers away, “please…” I said letting him know I still wanted to feel him there.

“I love you Kitty,” he said and that was before he was inside of me.

“And I love you,” I said to him opening my eyes to face him and stroking his face.

Then he shifted slightly as I felt him slip himself gently into me, kissing me at the same time and moving himself in and out. I arched against him so that he could drive deeper, thrusting gently though, just how I liked it. I came quickly, that wonderful familiar feeling that Gerard gave me surging through my body and making my toes tingle as I bit my lip gently.

Then as I was coming down from my high, those familiar words once again. “Kitten, I love you,” as he climaxed and kissed my shoulder in his usual way.

I loved this man so much.

Afterwards we lay in each other’s arms, our sticky bodies glowing and our cheeks flushed.

Life was great.

Ray was just as awesome as Frank but in a slightly different way. He was more rockier whereas I’d say Frank was more punker. Both were extremely talented and Mikey laughed saying that all of them should make a band. Ray was up for it, so was Mikey but Gerard wasn’t so sure.

“You don’t want me as singer; I’m not that good,2 said Gerard, bashful.

“You fuckin are isn’t he Kitty?” said Mikey looking at me for reassurance.

“You are Gerard, Mikey’s right. Why don’t you sing along to something that Ray and Mikey will play. Ray will be honest won’t you Ray.” I said talking to the great curly haired guy that we’d grown fond of.

“Of course,” said Ray grinning widely, his mop of hair flopping all over the place.

Ray loved him of course but Gerard was still not convinced. “I can’t hit some of the high notes.” He kept saying.

“You don’t have to be a trained singer,” said Ray but you are quite unique. You’ve got something; I hope you do something with it,” he said sincerely.

“Nah. He won’t,” said Mikey, “he just wants to be an artist don’t you Gee?”

“Yeah, I want to work for Cartoon Network one day,” said Gerard lighting up another cigarette.

“Oh dream on bro,” said Mikey, “dream on.”

**

Well he did. He got to work for cartoon network and I got to work for an advertising company fairly close by. We commuted together to New York and all was perfect with the world, we had a little more money and we’d decided to save some for when we were older so that we could get our own place together.

We socialised with Mikey and his friends Ray and Frank sometimes and occasionally Gerard’s friend Matt who played the drums hung out with us too. We had some great times, just hanging out and being friends. I was part of their group.

I loved my job at the advertising agency but I still hankered after this dream I had of owning my own gallery.

“One day I’d really love to have a gallery,” I said.

“Oh, where?” Gerard asked.

“New York may be over looking Central park.”

“No way, that would be so expensive.”

“Yeah but then I have my father’s money remember. I have that money from my Dad when I’m 21.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” said Gerard

“Most definitely, I want to have all my paintings on show, some for sale, some not for sale, have paintings that local artists have painted and want to sell have small exhibitions. I’d love it and I’d call it K’s.”

“K’s. Good name Kitten,” said Gerard as he pulled me in for a hug. “I’ll help out as much as I can.”

“Yeah I can show some of your work too,” I said. Pressing myself closer to him, snuggling into him. I loved him, he was so supportive and always praised my work but his was awesome too and I often told him.

“So.. when you get your money, we can take a look around for places.”

“Well I may have to wait until I get the second lot of money when I’m 26, the first lot may not be enough.” I said after I’d worked out how much money I’d be getting.

”Well save it up then, don’t touch the first lot and keep it safe.”

“Yeah, good idea,” I said.

It was a good idea but it never happened because the money that I’d saved ended up being spent on something I never thought I’d ever buy in my life.

Drugs.

**

Jolting awake I glanced over at the clock. It was gone midday and although I still hadn’t had a full night’s sleep I felt slightly better so decided to get myself a shower then head downstairs to the gallery. I couldn’t wait to hear what Liz had to tell me about Bob and I’d finally come to a decision.

“Hey Bob has just called me,” said Liz beaming over her face. She likes Bob so much I thought, I hope something develops for them.

“Yeah they’ve had their flight re-scheduled until tomorrow, so he’s asked if I’d like to do something with him this evening.” She said, she looked happy.

“Oh Liz that’s great,” I thought.

But my thoughts weren’t with Liz and her night out, I was wondering if I would get to see Gerard again.

“You OK?” she asked.

“I’m good, feeling loads better and I’ve made a decision. I’ve decided to split with Dan.”

**

She was sitting there in the lobby of the hotel. He had a feeling she would be, even though he’d tried avoiding her since he’ slept with her she was always there, every corner he turned she was there, if he was taking a phone call she was never too far way. She was great and a talented hair stylist but he couldn’t be with her like he’d been with Kitty.

“Hi Gerard, I wondered where you got up to, listen the flight has been put off until tomorrow so we’re going to be in New York for another evening, isn’t that great?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to another long haul flight, I’m pretty whacked at the moment,” I said to her.

This wasn’t the real reason why he thought it was great, he thought it was great because that meant another day in New York, where Kitty was.