I See You Lying Next To Me

Gerard glanced over at the newspaper of the guy sitting next to him, usually where Kitty sat. The date of the newspaper was September 11th, 2001, today’s date. It immediately reminded him of yesterday, he’d hated that day. He hadn’t told Kitty but he’d been working on a cartoon that everyone was really interested in called the Breakfast Monkey. But when it came down to it, yesterday his bosses hadn’t wanted it and it had pissed him off big time.

Of course being with Kitty had taken his mind off it, he had nothing to worry about really, he had Kitty, the love of his life, they lived in a small one bed roomed apartment in the better part of town but still near to his family and they had good jobs.

What else could he want?

He wanted something but he didn’t know what.

Something was definitely missing, he was happy with his love life and friends but it had something to do with his career he was sure of it.

The train was just crawling but eventually it pulled into the station and the hoards of commuters crept off the train.

He’d pick himself up, pick himself up and decide on another cartoon, he had loads of ideas running through his mind. That was it he decided he’d come up with another idea that would wow his bosses.

Suddenly as he emerged from the train station there was a horrendous bang, like a bomb going off, then screaming and shouting.

Glancing up he could just see in the distance that one of the twin towers had a huge ball of flame coming out from it.

What the fuck? Had a bomb gone off? He stood gob smacked, rooted to the spot like so many others around him.

He didn’t know what to do and felt scared all of a sudden and wondered if it had hurt anyone, of course it must of.

Pulling out a packet of his cigarettes he lit up then noticed an older woman nearby, crying and went over to her.

“Are you OK?” he said as people knocked into him as they rushed past, the screech of sirens getting louder as the emergency services had been called to see what they could do.

“Its…it’s my daughter, she…she’s in that building and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried calling her up but…she’s not answering,” said the middle-aged lady, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Its OK, we’ll find someone and get some information,” said Gerard heading towards the twin towers, “someone will know what’s going on and they’ll help you find your daughter,” he said comfortingly, one hand resting on the lady’s shoulder, his other holding the cigarette.

But as they neared the buildings Gerard had decided that it had been the wrong decision because the second taller building was then hit, the noise even louder than before, causing him to cover his ears, and the movement in the ground causing the older lady to fall over.

People were pushing into him, running towards him, scared people, young ones who were fitter and quicker than the older ones but everyone looked scared out of their wits. He glanced down and the older lady had gone, gone off probably to see if she could find out what had happened to her daughter. Poor woman.

He got out his phone and decided to call up his office knowing he was now going to be late as he was now in a totally different part of the city but he couldn’t get through, the networks seemed to be down.

With other people calling their loved ones.

Then he had the sudden urge to talk to Kitty, but knew he couldn’t.

He was getting pushed away from the twin towers and that was a good thing because all of a sudden one of the buildings collapsed causing a tremendous rumble like an earthquake and tons of grey dust came billowing towards him engulfing everyone so he decided to run, run to his office where he’d feel safer but there were so many people he could hardly move so decided to shelter for a while in a shop doorway where other people were.

He looked over at the one remaining tower, still billowing thick black smoke into the blue skyline where the plane had hit and he could see people jumping out of the building, jumping for their lives, jumping out to die sooner than waiting to die.

Gerard felt helpless and hopeless. He’d never seen anything like it.

He wanted Kitty and his family, suddenly this urge to speak to Kitty became immense and because he couldn’t he started to panic.

He decided to run for it then, make a run for his office so he did, he ran, knocking into people like that had done to him, just running, running out of the city to escape the nightmare that he had just witnessed.

**

Kitty emerged from the dentist. Her mouth was slightly swollen but she didn’t mind, she was still happy. She’d called her office to tell them that she was on her way but couldn’t get through. They knew she was going to be late because of her dental appointment so she decided to head down to the station to catch a train, the first train out to New York City and keep calling them but when she got to the station something was happening, there were crowds of people milling around saying that there had been an incident in New York and that there would be no trains anymore that day.

Her first thought was ‘yes, no work’ but her second thought was Gerard.

She desperately hoped he was OK.

Dialling his number she knew she wasn’t going to get through, the networks were down.

She went home then and decided to call at Gerard’s parents on the way home. They pulled her into their house not knowing that she wasn’t at work.

“We were worried about you and Gerard Kitty, have you both taken the day off today?” said Donna, Gerard’s mother.

“No, I had a dental appointment and was heading into work late, Gerard went in at the usual time, what on earth has been happening?” Kitty said getting scared now.

“You don’t know? Come in, come in and see this,” said Donna who looked frightened all of a sudden.

She entered their living room and Mikey, now aged twenty was sitting staring at the TV.

“Oh my god the second tower has dropped,” said Mikey then turned to look at Kitty. “Kitty, thank god you are here, where’s Gerard?” he said.

“Gerard went to work as usual,” said Kitty, her eyes mesmerized by what she could see on the TV screen, devastation happening in New York City, hers and Gerard’s city, the city that they had explored together so many times and had promised themselves they’d live in one day.

“Oh Kitty,” said Gerard’s dad, “two planes have gone into the towers causing a huge loss of life. People were throwing themselves out of the buildings, knowing that they were going to die and…,” he started crying then causing tears to well up in Kitty’s eyes.

“Gerard’s there and I can’t get hold of him,” said Kitty.

“How far away does he work from the twin towers?” Mike said looking over at her, his eyes scared.

“Actually he’s not that close to them, they are in a different direction but…all that smoke, I’m scared for him.”

“Hey, he’ll be OK I’m sure, but we may not hear from him for a while. Mikey, go and get Kitty some coffee, a strong one with lots of sugar, she’s in shock.” Said his father.

“I need to speak to him Donna, I just…I need to know that he’s OK, I want to hear his voice.”

“I know you do sweetheart,” said Donna hugging tightly onto this girl, this lovely girl who loved her son so much. What a couple they were, a couple of peas in a pod, they were so right for each other and they’d always be together she just knew it.

“What’s going on?” came a voice. It was Gerard’s grandmother standing there in the doorway.

“There’s been an incident in New York and we’re waiting for Gerard to contact us mother, the phone lines are all busy so we can’t get hold of him but I’m sure he’s alright.” Donna said not wanting to worry her mother whose health was getting worse the all noticed.

“Oh Helena, I’m so worried about him,” Kitty said once again unable to hide how scared she was to Gerard’s grandmother. She also didn’t take her eyes from the TV almost hoping that she could see her Gerard somewhere in the crowd.

Elena came over and sat the other side of Kitty.

“He’s fine Kitty; I just know it, call it a grandmother’s intuition,” she said putting her arm around the young girl that she adored.

So the three of them sat there for hours, mother, grandmother and girlfriend waiting for news of their loved one.

Gerard

**

A taxi pulled up about four hours later. They heard the screech of the breaks and Kitty ran to the window as she saw him getting out.

“He’s here,” she said, rushing to the front door, opening it and running into the arms of her dust-covered boyfriend. He was covered in a grey ash like substance, he looked awful and it was obvious that he’d been crying for the tracks were left on his face through the dust.

Then out came his mother and grandmother, all heading down the path to Gerard.

“I couldn’t call; I just couldn’t get hold of anyone,” Gerard said clinging onto Kitty.

“Come in son,” said his father from the doorway.

Gerard entered the house with Kitty, mother and grandmother all holding on to him.

”Go and clean yourself up son, you’ve some old clothes left in your room,” said his mother but Kitty didn’t want to let him go.

“Hey I’ll be back in a minute honey,” said Gerard reluctantly pulling himself free of Kitty.

He looked better but his face was very pale, he had on old jeans and a grey hoody. His hair was damp from his shower and Kitty couldn’t stop looking at him, she loved him so much.

What would she do without him?

They talked, talked for hours about what he’d seen, the devastation, the loss of lives and the scared faces of everyone around him then he and Kitty walked hand in hand back to their apartment.

But as soon as they got inside Gerard burst into tears and clung onto Kitty.

“Oh my god Kitty I never want to see that again, dead bodies, people having lost their loved ones, people throwing themselves out of the buildings to die, the smell, the taste it was….awful,” he sobbed as he hung onto his girlfriend, knowing she’d understand.

Kitty held him tight and led him off to their bedroom where they lay down on the bed, Gerard clinging on to her and she stroking his hair as he talked.

“I’ve come to a decision,” said Gerard. “I’m not going to draw cartoons for anyone anymore, I want to do something for myself, I want to draw for myself but really and truthfully I honestly think its time we got that band together.”

He looked at Kitty then and she smiled a small smile looking into his wonderful hazel eyes.

“Gerard, you do what you feel is best, after what you’ve witnessed you deserve to do what you want with your life and I’ll be with you all the way.”

The next day he called up his brother Mikey, his friends Ray Toro and Frank Iero and his old friend Matt to form a band and Mikey surprised them all by saying that he already had a name, and everyone agreed that it was the best goddam band name they’d ever heard.

My Chemical Romance.

**

And that’s what he always remembered when he looked out at the New York skyline, but only when he wasn’t with Kitty for she had always taken his mind from it. He’d always coped with those thoughts when she was with him.

Suddenly he felt the urge to be with her, the urge that he’d often had over the past couple of years since they’d split but this time he was going to act on it, he was going to go to her, tell her he still loved her.

He just hoped she felt the same way.

**

“Right,” I heard Liz say as she came into my art room behind the room at the back of the gallery. I loved this room, it was all mine with all my paints, and it was light and airy, just perfect for painting in.

“I’ve closed up the till, we did well today and the computer is off. I’ll just leave the nightlights on and them I’m going,” she said coming over to watch me paint. She always had to take a look, just a little peep to see how I was getting on.

“Oh my god Kitty that picture is beautiful,” said Liz, “is this the one for the Chinese restaurant?”

“It is, they wanted a series of paintings done of oriental flowers. This is the first in a series of three.”

“Its gorgeous, the colours you’ve used are beautiful. I can’t wait to see all three of them together.” She said.

“Yeah, well this has taken me long enough; don’t hold your breath,” I said smiling up at her from my sitting position by the painting.

“So…where is Bob taking you tonight?”

“I’m not sure he said out to dinner somewhere. I’m going home to change and then he’s sending a car for me.” Liz checked her watch. “Its 5.30 Kitty and the car is collecting me in an hour and a half and…”

“…and you need to beautify yourself for him so that you can feel his lip ring against your lips again.”

”Kitty…shut up I wish I hadn’t told you about the lip ring thing.” Said Liz blushing beet red.

Kitty just raised her eyebrows. “You enjoy it and I want to know all the details tomorrow and don’t overdo it, we’ve got that small exhibition here in the afternoon remember.”

“As if I’ll forget, you’re forever going on about it. Don’t worry I won’t be nursing a hangover. Has Gerard contacted you today?” She said bolt out of the blue causing me to turn away, flushed because I had been thinking about him as I painted knowing he had the day off but also knowing him he’d probably slept half of it away.

“No.” I said losing my concentration suddenly.

“There’s still time.” She said. I wish she’d go now; I didn’t want to talk about this.

“Well…who knows,” I said glancing at her. “So what are you going to wear? That green dress you wore the other evening was gorgeous.” I said remembering

“Yeah but he’s seen that now, I’ll have to wear something different. That black dress probably with the little purple butterfly on the hem.”

“I know the one. Yes, good choice,” I said nodding at her.

“Look I must go, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow,” said Liz grabbing her coat and shouting back.

”Don’t do anything I won’t. Kitty,” then I could hear her laughter.

“Yeah, right,” I said shaking my head at her and twiddling my paintbrush in the jar of water.

**

Liz opened the door of the gallery to leave and he was there, right on cue. She knew he’d show up, she knew it. She was glad because it was about time that her friend came to her senses, left the boring Dan and got back with this guy, they were meant for each other.

“Hi Gerard, Kitty’s in the art room out the back.”

“I guessed she would be.” Said Gerard entering the gallery.

”Shall I go get her,” said Liz.

“No, I want to surprise her,” said Gerard tucking away his cigarette pack into the top pocket of his leather jacket.

“OK but be careful, she’s painting and she’s worked hard on that picture, don’t make her jump or she’ll make a mistake.”

“Yeah, I’ll be careful,” he said, grinning. “Oh and Liz,” he said before closing the door behind Liz, “enjoy your evening with Bob.”

Gerard winked and Liz blushed.

**

He snuck his head round the door and there she was, sitting in that unique crouched position that only she sat in when she painted, he’d never known anyone paint like that before. Her hair was similar to it was when he’d first ever seen her; up in a sloppy bun except this time her hair was brown. He wanted to just get in there and kiss the back of her neck just like he used to do when her hair was up like that but Liz was right, he didn’t want to disturb her work.

She was wearing a little black tank top and what looked like black combat trousers, a gap of bare skin between the two causing a stirring in his loins remembering how he used to run his hand over the bottom of her back. But then he spotted something that he’d never seen before.

A tattoo, right at the base of her spine and it was what looked like something in Chinese writing. What on earth? He’d never expected that, he’d never wanted to have a tattoo and he’d always thought Kitty wouldn’t have one but this had proved him wrong, she’d had one done.

He wondered what it meant.

He had to let her know he was there so he cleared his throat.

“I don’t believe you still sit like that. If the wind changes you’ll stay like that,” he said cocking his head to one side as she turned to face him.

He laughed.

“Look at you with paint on the end of your nose,” he said going over to her. She looked surprised, surprised but pleased as he put his hand out to help her up. She stood up and looked up at him because she was about four inches shorter than he, in one hand the paintbrush, in the other some tissue that she used to wipe the brushes. He noticed she had paint dots across one cheekbone and the end of her nose.

“You always did get paint on your nose and this side of your face,” he said running his thumb across her cheek making it worse so he grabbed the tissue from her hand and tried to wipe it off.

She was staring at him and he wondered what she was thinking, just staring at him with her beautiful blue eyes.

**

She couldn’t stop staring at him, like he’d put her in a trance; it was like she was in a dream, a wonderful dream as she looked at him, his hazel eyes sparkling away. She could smell his leather jacket quite strong like it was a new one and the nicotine smell that always accompanied him.

She loved that smell, it was just Gerard through and through.

Putting her hand over his hand that was against her cheek she moved it to her lips and gently kissed his palm.

Still looking at him and still holding his hand she turned to go upstairs, taking him with her.