I See You Lying Next To Me

Eliza felt hot and nervous; Gerard’s expression still hadn’t changed. He took one more drag from his cigarette.

“Are you definitely sure?” he said. What did he mean? Was she sure she was pregnant or was she sure that the baby was his?

“Yes.” She said.

He turned away from her, threw his cigarette onto the ground and crushed the cigarette out with these huge steel-capped boots that he’d been wearing lately. Eliza’s heart was pounding in her chest, she was sure he could hear it. Why couldn’t he hear it?

”Why now?” he said, still not looking at her. “Why tell me now?” he snapped and turned to her, his eyes angry.

“I…I….,” but she couldn’t speak, her throat had clammed up hating herself for having told him in this way. She should have waited, she was always so impatient.

“I’m in the middle of shooting the first video from our new album and you tell me this right now Eliza. You could have…could have waited until a more appropriate time, don’t you think?” he said then walked off before she could even answer him. He’d snapped at her and had looked so angry. She’d never seem him like that; he’d practically spat at her. Had he ever spoken to Kitty like that? Probably not, she’d never seen it.

Shit.

She composed herself, she felt like crying but she wasn’t going to. He’d have to accept this, she was having his baby, he’d have to start acting a little more mature and not throw a hissy fit at her just because she’d chosen the wrong moment to tell him something.

She walked back into the huge building where they were filming the Black Parade. He was already standing on the float that they were to play on, talking to his friends. Was he telling them about what she’d just told him? She didn’t think so. He stood out with his white blond hair that she had dyed for him and had then decided to dye hers to match.

He stood out with his beautiful face as she listened to the music of their new single The Black Parade strike up and she watched the guys take their positions. There were hundreds of people here dressed in weird and wonderful outfits. So may be she had told him at the wrong moment. She felt down and low and decided to go and talk to Alicia, who was still sitting where they had all been sitting earlier. Alicia looked up at her as she approached.

“You OK?” Alicia said glancing up at Eliza. She’d known Eliza for ages but she sometimes felt she didn’t know her, had never really got to know the real Eliza deep down, she’d never felt she could tell Eliza everything, she had other friends for that, but Eliza could be fun in her own way, if only she’d stop this hang up she had over Gerard. They weren’t suited, it was obvious to everyone and she felt a little sorry for Eliza knowing that this girl had a crush like thing for him but she needed to get over it because there was no way that Gerard felt the same way.

“I need to talk to you,” she said, “can you come outside?”

“Of course,” said Alicia glancing over at her Mikey. She thought he looked so handsome standing there with his bass, they all looked so good, they were going to get married soon and she just couldn’t wait. She adored him but she felt sad for Gerard, hoping that one day he would find someone to settle down with.

Outside the sun was bright and Eliza put her dark sunglasses on.

“I was talking to Gerard out here earlier,” she said glancing down at her feet.

”I thought that’s where you went. You like him don’t you?” said Alicia feeling that something should be said about the situation. May be she should just tell Eliza straight that there was probably no hope with her and Gerard.

“So its obvious. Has anyone else guessed?” said Eliza.

“I think so, but no one has said anything to me.” Said Alicia.

“We slept together.” Eliza said glancing up at Alicia as if to say ‘see you weren’t expecting that were you.’

“You…you and Gerard slept together?” said Alicia, shocked by this confession.

“Yeah, two months back.” She said.

”When they were recording, here in LA?” said Alicia trying to pinpoint when it could have been then she realised it might have been around the time of Gerard’s birthday. They’d celebrated a few times, gone to a club one night, and then gone out for a meal, all of them. It must have been that night. She had vague recollections of Eliza feeling unwell that night and so Gerard had offered to drive her home early because he was the only one that didn’t drink and often drove them here, there and everywhere.

It must have been then. Oh my god. What had he been thinking? She was surprised by this.

“You’re shocked aren’t you?” said Eliza.

“Um…yeah…I suppose I am,” said Alicia. “I wasn’t expecting that,” she said.

“It was only once, it was great and…and now I’m…pregnant.” She said.

“Oh my god, you’re carrying Gerard’s baby?” said Alicia. Her mouth was dry suddenly. She couldn’t believe what this girl was telling her. Had she spoken to Gerard about this? She couldn’t imagine them having slept together, she couldn’t imagine them being together. What the fuck would happen now?

“I’m two months. I didn’t say anything before now because I thought that Gerard was going to get back with Kitty.”

“So what if he had got back with her? What would you have done?” said Alicia, still feeling gobsmacked and dying to go and tell Mikey all about this. He wouldn’t believe it.

“I’m not sure but now there is no hope for them, I think the time is right for Gerard and I. I told him earlier but he didn’t seem as pleased as I thought he would,” she said. Alicia could see a tear escape underneath her sunglasses leaving a trail of black mascara on Eliza’s cheek.

“You told him just now?” said Alicia now realising why Gerard came back into the building with such a weird look on his face.

“Yeah and I…I know my timing sucks, I realised that. Gerard thought so too. I’m not sure what he thinks, I should have told him later back at the house.”

“Yeah, I think you should have, they’re all busy guys at the moment,” said Alicia still not getting the situation. Gerard with Eliza? He slept with her. Fucking hell.

“He’s angry with me, I don’t know what to do.” Said Eliza.

Alicia didn’t know what to do either. Eliza was having Gerard’s baby. What the fuck was he doing sleeping with Eliza in the first place? What would happen now? Would he get together with Eliza for the sake of the baby? Alicia didn’t know the answers to these questions, she wondered if Gerard did. She felt sorry for him, he didn’t need this right now, it would have been different if he’d been in a settled relationship but this…and sprung on him like that in the middle of an important video shoot. No wonder he was angry.

“Talk to him later on when no one else is around, that’s all you can do,” said Alicia.

“Alicia do you think he’ll want me?” said Eliza. She was desperate to get with him, she was sure that they could make it, if only he would really notice her and take his mind and thoughts away from Kitty. If only he would take a look at what she could offer him.

“You need to speak to Gerard about this,” said Alicia putting her hand out onto Eliza’s arm.

“Yeah. Listen, I’m going to head off back to the house, I don’t really feel like going back in there at the moment,” she said. “See you later on.”

”Yeah, see you.” Said Alicia watching Eliza head off to the car parking area. She couldn’t believe it but then she had an awful thought and wondered if Eliza had tricked Gerard somehow. It was only a fleeting thought then she brushed it aside and thought no, nobody would do a thing like that.

Alicia walked back into the building to watch the guys finish off their video shoot; she kept staring at Gerard wondering what the hell he was playing at and wondering what he was going to do about his situation.

**

“Liz you really didn’t have to stay here you know, I know how much you were looking forward to going to LA to visit Bob.” Said Kitty who was in her studio out back, watching Liz bringing her in a coffee and placing it down onto a table.

“Kitty for the one hundred millionth time, its fine, especially now that Carol is leaving here.”

“Yeah, that was a blow and totally at the wrong time,” said Kitty. Carol had been with her since she’d opened her gallery and worked during school time but her husband’s job was moving to Canada and they were leaving soon.

“I have an idea who could help you out,” said Liz.

“Oh. Who?”

“Jerry, the student.”

“Jerry?”

“Yeah the guy that you did the exhibition for, he’s looking for some work and I think it would be ideal, he could also do a little bit of painting in your studio if you’d let him. Have a think about it. He’s available to start in a couple of weeks, once he’s settled then I can go and visit Bob.”

“I’ll think about it,” said Kitty. Why was all this happening to her lately. She was doing so well here, everything just worked out right and then Gerard had come back into her life and had left it again at the drop of a hat. Dan was paralysed and she was doing the dutiful thing of visiting him every day even though she didn’t want to. Carol was leaving and Liz was waiting to leave.

She was going to be alone but she didn’t want to think about that, knowing she’d have to be strong.

“You must try and eat more,” said Liz.

“I know but I just don’t seem to have an appetite just lately,” said Kitty.
“Try and eat, you don’t want to get ill do you,” said Liz. “What time are you going to the hospital?” she said.

“I think I’ll go earlier than usual, around 3pm. You’ll be OK for those couple of hours won’t you?” She said. She was a little nervous about Liz going, Kitty knew that she relied on Liz heavily, she didn’t realise how much until now when she knew that Liz was about to leave.

“I’ll be fine.” Said Liz.

**

Kitty was on the way back from the hospital when her cell phone went off but she couldn’t answer it as she was driving, it kept ringing and ringing and for some reason, something made her pull over. Every time her phone went she thought it was him. She hoped it was him but of course it never was him. It had now been a week and still no word.

Face it, its over before it had even begun again.

It was Liz’s name that flashed up on screen, Kitty called her straight back.

“Good afternoon, K’s Gallery,” she heard Liz say at the other end.

“Liz it’s me, everything OK?” she said.

“Everything’s fine but we’ve had a visitor,” she said, “you’re not going to believe who.”

“Tell me,” said Kitty.

Was it Gerard, had he decided to come back for her?

“It was a woman,” said Liz.

So, not Gerard then.

“Who for god sake Liz, I’m not in a mood for guessing games.”

“It was Adrienne Armstrong, she was in earlier looking at your paintings. She said she’d like whoever painted the oriental picture to do something similar for her husband, Billie. It’s their anniversary in three months and she’d very much like to get you to paint something as a present for him.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” Said Liz.

“I’ll be back shortly and you can tell me more.”

**

After Eliza had left the shoot she went straight back to the house that they were staying in. Well, it was rather more like a mansion than a house, it was huge. She threw herself onto the bed, and remembered back to Gerard’s face when she’d told him. She’d told him she was having his baby and he didn’t seem very pleased about it at all.

He would come round to the idea, she was sure of it and then when he’d just got used to the idea that he was going to become a father she’d tell him she’d lost it and that there won’t be a baby after all. Of course she’d have to pretend that she was devastated and of course he would comfort her, it would bring them closer together, she was sure of it.

Then he’d fall in love with her because he’d see how she was over losing their baby.

But for now, she’d have to talk to him, talk to him and lie to him again.

Because there would be no baby, she wasn't pregnant at all, she was making it up.