I See You Lying Next To Me

I’d got up extra early, had set my alarm and had got up and had a huge bubbly bath with some expensive bubble bath that I’d treated myself to. I had butterflies as soon as I’d got up, nervous about meeting Adrienne Armstrong, Billie’s wife and the embarrassing thoughts I used to have over him. I blushed to myself.

I was just finishing dressing in a smart black pair of trousers and a black shirt when Liz knocked.

“You up?” I heard.

“Of course I am, I’m up, dressed and ready,” I said opening the door to her.

“My god, you’ve gone to town, you look amazing,” she said.

“Thanks, thought I’d put a little effort in, I’ve been wallowing in self pity for the past week or so, its time to pull myself out of it. I’ve even plucked my caterpillar eyebrows, see,” I said pushing my face towards Liz.

“I actually was going to tell you about those, you let yourself go this past couple of weeks, visiting the hospital and realising…realising that Gerard has changed his mind about your relationship. I had an awful thought last night Kitty, what if Gerard hadn’t got the letter after all?” she said.

“You think he wouldn’t try ringing me again? He got the letter all right Liz, I gave him the ultimatum and he took it. Look, I don’t want to talk about him, please, don’t spoil my day.”

“Fair enough,” said Liz putting up her hands. “We’ve still got half an hour before Adrienne comes, how about something to eat? Toast? You need to eat breakfast more often.”

“I know I do but…my stomach is weird this morning, probably nerves so…I’ll have an extra large lunch instead, promise.” I said looking at Liz. I couldn’t stomach food right now, it was all knotted up.

I was in the back room when the gallery door pinged and I just knew it had to be her but, surprisingly my heart didn’t start beating faster as I was expecting, instead I felt calm, calm and curious as to what she wanted me to paint for her husband.

Liz popped her head around the door. “She’s here,” she said, eyes aglow.

“Thanks, just coming,” I said as I checked myself in the long mirror, brushing a few specks from my black trousers. Liz was right, these trousers were slightly looser than they’d ever been, I’d have to start eating more and to stop rushing around so much. I left the back room and went out into the gallery.

Adrienne Armstrong was there, standing sidelong looking at some of the paintings on display. She had on a black cotton sundress, flat sandals and her long black hair was hanging down her back.

She was tiny.

I went over to her, “Hi, my name’s Kitty,” I said putting my hand out for her to take. Her hands were tiny too but then, I imagined so was Billie, he must be tiny, what a cute couple they must be.

“Hi Kitty, so good to meet you at last, you know you’ve got some great paintings in here, you’re so talented and its just my kind of style. Are these yours too?” she said looking at two pictures of tiger lilies that I’d painted not that long ago, just before Gerard had turned up on the scene.

”Yes, there all mine apart from that row over there,” I said pointing to a row of about ten paintings that some students had done. When I sold them I took 10% of their price to cover some costs. It suited everyone, the students got their work shown, possibly sold and I made a little money out of it.

“They’re all so good,” she said walking along the wall of paintings “but this, this has got to be my favourite,” she said stopping at the oriental picture and just staring at it. “This is what made me think that I’d like to get something done for Billie,” she turned and looked at me. “It looks like it was painted from the heart, with passion and it would look just great in the new room we’ve had done. It’s our room just to relax in, its been decorated in tranquil colours with futons and cushions everywhere, no kids allowed and something like this painting…would go just perfectly,” she said turning back to it.

“Well, this one is not for sale. Its…its kind of special.” I said going to stand next to her to take a look at the picture.



I stared at my painting but couldn’t look at her, I could feel her looking at me but I couldn’t look back.

“Listen, is there somewhere we can go, somewhere we can talk for a while so that I can explain what I’d like?” she said.

”Well….the back room is pretty messy but I know a little coffee shop down the street, we could go there and you can tell me what you’d like done.” I said. I glanced at Liz and she gave a nod as if to say that’s fine with her, she was busy serving another customer that had come in.

**

We sat at a table in the window. She ordered this huge coffee with cream on the top of it and I wondered how she kept her tiny build if she drank stuff like that. I just ordered a skinny latte, my usual.

“How long have you had the gallery Kitty?” She asked then thanked the waitress as she brought our coffees over.

”About a year and a half now,” I said. “It was always a dream of mine.”

“Glad you could fulfil your dream but you’re very talented. Tell me, that oriental picture, there’s a story to it isn’t there?” she said. She was intrigued by it, I could tell.

“Well, sort of.”

”A story with a man in it, I bet,” she said her chocolate brown eyes sparkling and her face lighting up with a smile. She was very beautiful, how on earth could I have been so dumb in the past having a crush on Billie Joe, me, a spotty pale faced teenager with a brace on her teeth, hoping that I’d have a chance with him when he had this beautiful creature sitting in front of me. I was a stupid cow.

“Yes,” I said, “it’s a story with a man but we’re not together anymore.” I said.

“I’m sorry but its great that you still show the picture. Were you married to this man?” Adrienne asked. “Sorry for prying, its just interesting.”

“No, we weren’t married but we were together for such a long time, it was almost practically a marriage. We were young when we met and fell in love but we got into stuff that we shouldn’t have and we split over it. I often hoped we’d get back together, especially when I bumped into him recently but it wasn’t meant to be. It turns out he didn’t feel the same way about me that I do about him.”

“Oh Kitty. Kitty, what a gorgeous name, is it short for anything?”

Yeah, Kitten.

“No, its just plain old Kitty,” I said.

“Its hardly plain, it suits you and I’m sorry about this guy. Do you still love him?” she asked.

I hesitated. “I suppose I do but I have to get over him and move on with my life, I have some other complications too. Its just not as straightforward as…this guy.”

“I’m sorry about your problems but I really would like you to do a painting for my Billie. It’s our anniversary soon and we’re having a special party. We’re renewing our vows and have organised lots of friends to come and join us, I’d love for the painting to be ready for that night.” She said getting so enthusiastic.

“When is it?” I said

”Oh its not for another three months, is that…is that long enough?” she said, frowning and hoping I’d say yes.

”It’s long enough but you need to tell me what he’d like.” I said.

“I know what he’d like, he’d like something like your oriental picture, if that’s OK?” she said, eyes still shining.

“That’s fine,” I said reaching into my pocket for my business card, “but I’ll give you this and you can call me up when you want any updates. Usually if I work for a customer who doesn’t live close by I…I take their email address and send them updated photographs of how the work is coming along but…I know your husband is well known so…,”

“Kitty its fine, of course you can have my email address, here, let me write it down for you.” She said, and she did, she wrote her personal email address on a napkin then handed it to me.

“So you know who Billie is?” she said getting excited that someone knew her husband.

”Of course, I’m a fan,” and I used to fantasise about him when I was young. “I have all their records,” I said, blushing slightly.

“I’m glad, that way I know you’ll make his painting even more special. Hey, Kitty, I was thinking, are you busy tonight? I’ve come away with a friend but she’s meeting up with someone she went to school with tonight and I was going to dine alone at the hotel, would you care to join me?” she said.

”Um…why not? I’m not busy but I have to visit someone in hospital how about I come to your hotel on the way back from there? It’ll be about 6.30, is that OK?”

“That’s fine,” said Adrienne, “and then you can tell me all about this guy.”

**

Kitty didn’t get to bed until 2am, after what proved to be an eventful day.

When she got back to the gallery Liz had sold four paintings, which was so unusual in one day and then Jerry had come in to meet her.

He was perfect, perfect for the job, so enthusiastic, eager to learn and he seemed very helpful.

Cute too.

Cute, but too young for me she thought laying back and smiling as she settled down to sleep.

She’d visited Dan at the hospital and he was coming out in two days. Her stomach had fallen at this news, she was glad he was getting better but she’d just got used to the daily visits and now her plans would change. Would she be expected to have to stay longer at his mothers? She would have to tell him soon about her decision.

When she turned up at the hotel after visiting Dan at the hospital Adrienne spotted straight away that she was wearing an engagement ring. So it all came out. The fact that she was engaged to one guy and had loved another and now this guy needed her and the one she loved didn’t. She’d cried a little and Adrienne had comforted her. She told Adrienne about the drink and drugs but she didn’t tell her who the guy was, because Gerard was famous and she sort of knew that Adrienne might have met him she didn’t think it was fair on Gerard that Adrienne knew so much about his past life. She wanted Adrienne to judge him for what he was now.

So Kitty didn’t tell Adrienne the guy’s name and Adrienne didn’t ask.

She’d had a fabulous evening and they ended it with a small hug and a peck on the cheek, Adrienne promising to be in contact soon but would Kitty possibly make a start to the painting?

Of course I would thought Kitty, I shall begin it tomorrow.

**

Looking at the calendar in the back room, Kitty was frowning.

“Are you OK?” said Liz coming in.

“I’m…yeah, just trying to work something out,” said Kitty staring at the calendar.

“Oh, what are you trying to work out? Haven’t missed anyone’s birthday have you?” she said.

”No…but…I might have missed something else,” she said, turning to her friend, slightly white faced.

“Oh, what’s that?” said Liz, intrigued.

“Nothing, its nothing.” Said Kitty. “Listen I’m going up to shower, I’m covered in paint,” she said heading off up the stairs but before Liz could answer, Kitty was gone.

Liz just shrugged to herself wondering what on earth it was that Kitty had forgotten.

**

Kitty went to the window of her Living Room and looked out onto Central Park.

She couldn’t be, how could she have missed this?

She must be.

Every month she put a little red cross on the calendar, just a reminder to her when her period was due. What with all that had happened she’d forgotten about it until just now and going to look for the red cross, to see when her period was due she found the cross was on last week’s page. She must be wrong, she couldn’t be a week late, she was never late.

This couldn’t be happening, not to her.

She couldn’t be pregnant.

Kitty paced the room, mulling things over, trying to make sense of everything.

That night with Gerard they hadn’t taken precautions but with Dan she always did.

Gerard and her had made love just a couple of weeks ago, with Dan it was just before her last period.

She was pregnant, she must be.

With Gerard’s baby, not Dans.

Sitting down on the sofa Kitty cried quietly.

She didn’t know what to do.