I See You Lying Next To Me

“Kitty.” I heard this voice coming from somewhere.

“Kitty.” I heard it again.

“Huh…” I said.

“Kitty come on wake up, there’s someone here to see you, I thought you were already up, you usually are, its 9.30am,” said smelly Mel.

I stretched and yawned. Then it dawned on me.

“Who?” I said sitting up and feeling slightly dizzy.

“Some guy who is very scruffy and says he goes to your art class,” she said.

Gerard.

“Oh my god, what’s he doing here?” I said to her getting out of bed and looking around me, half asleep, then checking myself in the mirror and not liking what I saw. What would I wear? Where was he?

“You have invited him in haven’t you?” I said to Mel whilst rubbing my eyes from sleep.

“He’s on the doorstep,” said Mel looking slightly ashamed and so she should. “Its Ted, you know what he’s like, he doesn’t like all and sundry coming into the house,” she said.

”Gerard’s not all and sundry, he’s a friend of mine,” I said angrily pulling on some jeans that I had worn the night before then going into my bathroom.

“You can’t leave him standing on the doorstep that’s so rude,” I shouted to her from the bathroom.

“Then I’ll take him through to the kitchen. We’re off to Ted’s mothers soon anyway,” she said to me. “So don’t be long,” she said. Yeah thank god. Off to Ted’s mothers like they did every Sunday, 10 am on the dot returning at 10pm, on the dot. Sunday was my favourite day of the week.

I washed myself quickly then cleaned my teeth, went back out into the bedroom and got a fresh tank top out of the drawer, my favourite one, the bright red one.

I combed through my hair, tied it back as usual and added some mascara.

I couldn’t believe Gerard was here, I hadn’t expected to see him but I was glad.

As I left my bedroom Mel was just coming to the top of the stairs. “He’s in the kitchen, he smokes you know, I can smell it on him,” said Mel looking at me with disgust.

“So what if he smokes, he’s a nice guy,” I said.

He was sitting at the kitchen table and stood up when I came into the room. He had on the same jeans as yesterday I noticed, with a black iron maiden t-shirt.

“Hi Gerard,” I said to him.

“Hi Kitten, nice house,” he said once again looking around him.

“Yeah, my sister’s husband has a good job, he’s a lawyer in the city but I’m not really that interested in what he does, we hate each other and avoid each other as much as possible,” I said to him. He was playing around with his cigarette packet, turning it over and over with his long fingers.

“Can I get you a coffee, then may be we could sit outside,” I said to him.

“I’d love one, I never say no to a coffee,” he said to me smiling. He had a smiley face. If I could describe Gerard I would say he had a smiley face and sparkly eyes. When he broke out into a grin it was the best grin I’d ever seen and I never ever could get enough of it.

“So this is your sister’s house,” said Gerard, “do your parents live here too or back in England?” He said obviously working out that I have an English accent.

“My parents are dead,” I said as I made him a coffee.

“Oh my god,” said Gerard, “I’m so sorry,” then he shook his head, “god I’m so stupid sometimes, me and my big mouth.” He looked embarrassed and I felt for him.

“Don’t be stupid, how were you to know,” I said to him. “Come on, lets sit outside, looks like a good day out there,” I said to him grabbing both the coffees and heading out to the garden where I placed the coffees onto the garden table and pulled up a seat.

Then my sister appeared.

“Ted and I are going now,” she said, “don’t make too much of a mess,” she said to me.

“I won’t. Bye,” I said so glad that she was finally going. She was so fucking rude and didn’t even look at Gerard. I hated her.

“You know I thought that was your mom when she opened the door, I thought you had a young looking mother,” he said looking over at me and rummaging in his back pocket for something, I knew what he was getting out, his cigarettes.

“Do you mind?” he said looking over at me with those cute hazel eyes.

“Of course not, how long have you smoked?” I asked him as he lit one up. I’d ignored the talk about Mel; I hated her so much I didn’t even want to talk about her.

“A couple of years and yeah I know its bad for me and all that but… I can’t help it, I like it.”

“Why don’t you give up if you know its bad for you,” I said, intrigued.

He shrugged. “It’s not that easy, and as I said I like it. One day I’ll give it up, I’m sure,” he said.

He reached for his coffee.

“Mmmm, good coffee,” he said and leant back in the seat just looking at me, his coffee in one hand and his cigarette with its trail of smoke in the other.

“I can’t get over that you have no parents,” he said. “How do you cope?”

“I cope just fine. I didn’t know my mother, she died not long after I was born, it was some complication after childbirth, she was a beautiful woman and my father, well he was a great Dad, older than most dads as he was 48 when I was born but he was still great and I loved him. He got ill and at the end it wasn’t like he was the Dad I knew and he was in a lot of pain and….”

“Hey please don’t talk about it if it’s upsetting you,” said Gerard sitting forward in his seat.

“No its OK its just I miss him, we had some great chats.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without my parents,” he said. “I can’t imagine them dying, I hate the thought of death but it fascinates me at the same time, I can’t explain it.”

We chatted for ages, easy talk, laughing about stupid stuff just sitting there while he smoked three cigarettes and I made us a couple more coffees. He was so easy to talk to and I understood where he was coming from, he seemed to understand me too. He was the only person other than my father who really got me.

“Hey, you’re coming with me,” said Gerard suddenly shoving his cigarette packet into his back pocket and gathering up the mugs. “I’m going to wash these and then you’re coming home with me,” he said checking his watch. “Its almost 1 O’clock and my Mom said that if you weren’t doing anything you were to come back with me for lunch. She always cooks masses and anyway I’d like you to meet my grandmother, you’ll like her, everyone loves her,” he said then stopped suddenly. “Unless you have other plans that is,” he said.

“I have no plans and that would be great, I was only going to have a microwave meal anyway,” I said to him as I stood up and followed him into the house.

“A microwave meal, all alone,” he said. “I can’t imagine that, I don’t think I’ve ever had a microwave meal in my life,” he said.

He insisted on washing the mugs and then made sure I’d got house keys and we headed off to his parents house about ten minutes walk away. Again we chatted so easily and then before I knew it we were there.

**

His little brother Mikey was so cute, he wore huge round John Lennon-type glasses but I could see he had these sparkly eyes similar to Gerard’s hidden underneath them. He kept on looking over at me as we ate but he didn’t say anything much.

Gerard’s parents were so kind and his grandmother was just the best. After the meal his mother insisted that she didn’t need any help in clearing up and I was to go off and enjoy my afternoon with everybody. I felt guilty as Mel always made me wash up and clean everything away after we’d eaten. She always said ‘I’ve cooked, you can clean up.’ She always made a disgusting mess when she cooked, I almost thought she did it on purpose so that I would be kept busy and Ted, well he didn’t do anything, just ate the food then went and watched TV. Lazy bastard.

Gerard’s grandmother was awesome and like Gerard I found her easy to talk to and she reminded me of my father a little. She showed me some of the paintings that she had painted when she was younger. She had jet black hair tied back into a bun and I imagined she was very beautiful when she was a young woman. She had sparkly eyes too. Just like Gerard’s.

I loved her style of painting and she told me tales of when she was younger, all about what Gerard’s grandfather and her got up to. She had me in stitches, she could tell a great story. Then almost mid speak she fell asleep in the armchair and Gerard disappeared for a minute coming back with a huge blanket that he tucked around his grandmother. How sweet.

“Come to my room and listen to some music while she sleeps, she’ll be in dreamland for well over an hour,” he said. It was obvious that he adored his grandmother.

As we left the room we bumped into Mikey.

”Hey Mikey,” said Gerard ruffling his brother’s hair. “What you got there?” He asked looking at the magazine his young brother was carrying.

“It’s a guitar magazine,” he said. “I was thinking about learning the guitar and then when I’m older we can form a band,” said the young boy.

“I don’t know Mikey,” said Gerard.

”But you sing great and I have this idea for a great band name,” he said disappointed.

“You sing?” I said looking at Gerard but he just shrugged.

“Not really, I’m not that good,” he said.

“He is Kitty, don’t listen to him, he can sing real well but he can’t play the guitar. He sucks at that.” Mikey said then smiling up at his older brother.

“Hey… I thought I played pretty good,” said Gerard smiling that grin.

“One day,” said Mikey, “one day you’ll come round to the idea,” he said then wandered off into his own bedroom.

**

Gerard’s bedroom was dark but it was cosy and he had so much stuff crammed in there, he was obviously a hoarder. The weirdest thing I ever saw was in his bedroom; it was a stuffed bat in a glass cabinet. I walked over to it and just stared at it. “Hey Gerard, most people may be have sports trophies or awards in their cabinets, not bats,” I said laughing. He came over and stood beside me, looking at the bat.

“This is Simon the bat and you’ll have to get used to him. He’s not going to bite you,” he said, “awwwww look at his little teeth,” Gerard said staring through the glass at Simon his bat.

“I see them,” I said, “ewww.” Then I screwed up my nose.

Anyway I thought, why would I have to get used to Simon? Was he intending on inviting me back here quite often?

I hoped so.

We stayed in his room for about an hour, sitting on the floor with our backs propped against his bed. He hadn’t smoked since we’d been in his house and I guessed that he must be desperate to get a cigarette. We were listening to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and I had my eyes shut, leaning back when Gerard spoke.

“Kitten,” said Gerard.

I brought my head up off the bed then opened my eyes and he was there, right in front of my face, looking at me with those hazel eyes. He was about an inch away from me and then he came forward and planted a kiss on my lips. It caught me unawares and caught my breath.

“I think I need a cigarette,” said Gerard, still grinning widely, standing up and heading out the door.

On the way home to my house it started raining but we kept walking anyway even though the rain got harder, we were dripping and our clothes were soaked so we finally gave in and stopped under a tree for a while, sheltering. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering and I felt so cold all of a sudden. Gerard sensed this and pulled me into a hug against him. His body felt warm and protective and I didn’t want to move from that spot but we had to; so we ran hand in hand back to my house and sheltered under the front door porch.

I invited him in but he refused, he said he’d better get back but would see me at school. Then he just leant in and kissed me, his warm sweet lips touched mine as I felt his long fingers holding my cheek steady. I opened my mouth naturally to accept his tongue and we kissed for ages, my fingers raking through his jet-black hair, which was softer than I had expected. His breath tasted of cigarettes but that was fine by me.

This was Gerard after all.

**

So that was our first kiss, one of many, millions in fact. Yeah, we’d kissed millions of times since then and before Gerard I’d only ever kissed one person, Luke, back in England before my father got ill. It was very disappointing and I remember him having B.O. which I could smell as we kissed, making me almost gag. I’d never kissed anyone else until Gerard. There was no comparison to the way Gerard kissed even with Dan. Dan’s breath didn’t smell of cigarettes, which was OK but Dan's kisses lacked something that Gerard’s always had and I missed it.

I’d tried to sleep but it wasn’t working so I’d got up. The thoughts of Gerard had filled my head and I wasn’t sure if I wanted them there.

Those thoughts hurt me because when I was with Gerard it had been the best time of my life and I knew I’d never get that feeling again after we broke up. I hadn’t even looked for anyone else, or wanted anyone else because nobody could match up to him.

They never had.

But that was back then and now…. well, things were different now.

The gallery was dark and cold and I shivered but something had drawn me downstairs to the oriental picture. Going to it brought back so many memories of that painting and the hidden picture within it that only two people knew about, Gerard and myself. I’d never sell it, ever.

I couldn’t part with it.

As I was reminiscing over the picture something caught my eye at the window of the gallery and as my eyes adjusted to the light I realised that someone was standing outside, looking in.