Sleepwalking Past Hope

I followed him to the space where the other couples were dancing. Couple, as in plural, was a thought I wasn’t used to thinking. Single, as in one, was more like it.

He held his arms open and my blank stare made him grin.

“You have no idea what you’re doing do you?” He asked, arms hanging limp at his side.

I shook my head, “Not really.”

“Here,” He said then stepped towards me. He grabbed my wrists and placed my hands on his shoulders. The feel of another person, solid underneath my hands was new to me. I was used to dreaming, imagining.

Ville put his hands on my hips and pulled me close to him. I felt like I was in high school again, dancing stiffly at prom.

“What kind of thing is this?” I asked, thankful I didn’t have to speak up anymore.

“It’s a ball for me and all of my co-workers. We do this every year, the company has all sorts of branches and sometimes it’s nice to catch up.” He smiled sweetly.

“Oh, I see.”

“I’m really glad you came with me tonight. I enjoy being around you.” He smiled the smile of a heartbreaker. I’m sure it’s unintentional though.

My cheeks were burning. It was highly unlikely that such a stunning man would take time to interest me, I was convinced this was divine intervention.

“I’m glad I came with you.” I whispered.

He smiled uncomfortably, the air became stiff. He looked around shiftily.

I raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“Nothing.” He replied hastily.

He was acting strange, the slow swaying had stopped.

“You’re lying.” I know that that’s not something that you would normally say to your date but he was beginning to scare me. I glanced across the room at Mige, Vedrana and Linde, they were still as well.

I knew something was wrong, the air was too tense. Linde left his spot to the left of us. In the time I had to blink he was standing beside of us. Ville smiled a sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry, Emma, I really am, but I have to go. Linde’s going to take you home.” Ville said, his voice told of all his confliction without even making the words. I knew he was genuine, as he always was.

I shrugged like it didn’t bother me. Deep down, I was heartbroken.

“Okay, I was getting tired anyways.” I spoke slowly though I really didn’t want to speak at all.

He hugged me, unexpectedly. I hesitated before hugging him back. It was a strange gesture but there was nothing unfamiliar about it. His body pressed against mine felt as natural as breathing. I breathed in his scent, trying my best to memorize it. It was a comforting mix of cigarettes, vanilla and cologne, I loved it.

“You’re lying.” He whispered before releasing me. I knew he was mocking my stern statement, one of the few I’d ever made. He released me and it was like pulling magnets apart, harsh and unnatural.

I looked at him with guilty eyes, he’d caught me, dead center of a lie.

“I’ll, um, see you later…I guess.” The pause represented hesitated thoughts that weren’t spoke. I wanted to tell him to call me, to not forget about me and that I wanted to see him again, but I wouldn’t dare walk out on that limb.

He smiled, “For sure.”

I wanted to capture that moment in time and keep it in a jar, to lock it away for safe keeping. I wanted to be able to remember his face, the way he cleared the tension with just a smile, for the rest of my life.

He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. His lips against my skin felt like someone had just shocked my heart with a thousand watts of electricity, it fluttered then stopped for a second. He gave me my hand back and smiled a gentle smile before retreating into the crowd.

Linde led me out of the building, I forgot my coat and it didn’t even matter. I realized something, a string of thoughts I remembered, and they were enough to alter my entire life. That’s a hell of a lot more important than a coat.

It’s just the strangest thing, I’ve seen your face somewhere. An early evening dream, a past-life love affair.