Dreaming of Sunsets

I went outside and sat on our bench swing with the canopy. It was my favorite place to sit and just think when I couldn't go down to the pier. I could stay out here for hours at a time. Cal would come home from work and find me out here.

Yes, Cal was now living with me. It was just until Zack came home, but I asked him if he just wanted to stay permanently.

"There you are." I heard Jimmy say, before he sat down next to me. "What're you doing out here?"

"Just thinking."

He gently moved me so my head was laying on his chest as he stroked my hair. "Like what?"

"Different things."

"Want to talk about them?" He took my silence as my answer. "Sen, how are you dealing with all of this?"

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "Well, breaking up with Brian, then the accident... Just so many things that were jumbled up in just a few months."

"I'm not going to wallow in self pity."

"I didn't say you were. But it's not something you can easily deal with." I felt the familiar sting of tears and didn't bother to hold them back. "Baby, talk to me, or any of us. That's what we're here for, that's what family does."

"You don't get it, Jim," I mumbled, sitting up.

"Then explain it to me."

"I can't."

"Then who can you explain it to?"

"Someone who isn't around anymore," I said, before walking back inside.

"Sen, do you want to order take out for lunch?" Cal asked. I guess today was his day off.

"I'm not hungry," I said, walking to the stereo in the living room and turning it on.

"Come on, Sen. You didn‘t eat breakfast."

"I‘ll eat when I get hungry." He grumbled in defeat and left it alone.

"Sen, we have to go to the studio for a meeting in a few hours, then we're having a party when we get back," Zack informed me. "We should be back before everyone gets here. If not, just let them in." He sounded so off. I could tell he was upset still about earlier.

"You can let your own guest in, Zachary," I hissed, before walking back to the kitchen.

"Hey, what's with the attitude?" He asked, following me.

"You tell me."

"Look at me." I was being stubborn, and crossed my arms over my chest. "Sen," he said, agitatedly. When I still didn't, I felt him take them off.

"Hey! Give them back, Zack!" I growled, trying to reach for them.

"No! I don't see why you think you have to fucking wear them!"

"I can do what I damn well please! I don't need you fucking patronizing me and trying to tell me how to live my life!"

There was silence, until someone walked in, breaking it. "What's with all the yelling?" I shivered as I heard Brian's voice.

"Nothing, just my little sister being a diva." I scoffed and shook my head. "I'll meet you at the studio." With that, I heard him leave.

I leaned back against the counter, my eyes down cast. "Here," Brian said softly, but coldly. I reached my hand out and felt that he was handing me my sunglasses.

"Thanks," I whispered, putting them on.

And then he left too...

In a house full of six guys, how could I feel so alone?