Exhale

The couch was too tight for the two. Plus Garrett was a bed hog. He liked to spread out, pushing all his limbs out and hitting or kicking whatever was in his way. Today it was her, multiple times. The only thing was, she’d hit him back, making him groan in frustration and pain. She still curl up beside him after the sleeping feud, resting her head beside him.

He eventually grew tired of her self defense acts and pushed her off the side off the couch, hearing her fall to floor with a thump. “See if I ever snuggle with you again.” She mumbled at him.

Garrett smirked at her before flipping over and ignoring her comment. He was back asleep within seconds, his breaths getting longer and deeper. Of course, she considered revenge but decided it was too much effort for the amount of energy she actually had stored from the minimal amount of sleep she got.

Her mother trademark humming was echoing through the house, a sound Holly couldn’t help but smile at. Hearing it brought her back to all the old holiday celebrations memories; the ones when all her siblings would be home and there was always a person to talk to. Her dad would sit by the fire in the den, watching an old western movie or reading one of his favorite books. Her mother would be cooking in the kitchen, tripping over a kid while juggling three recipe cards and a conversation her own mother on the phone.

She proceeded to the kitchen, listening to her mother’s distorted rendition of White Christmas. To be home was nice, Holly couldn’t help but soak in the memories of life before Garrett and Arizona. And of course she missed it. She missed the aspects of this life that were great. The family dinners, the screened-in porch during the summer months, her father tell them stories of his childhood in Texas and the times in the military.

“Oh Holly!” Her mother startled her from the thoughts. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

It was weird. As much as Holly couldn’t stand the woman with her rules that were just too strict and her standards that were just too high, she still had more respect for her than anyone else. The fact that her mother juggled so many different things and could still be a functioning human was something Holly had trouble understanding. It was hard enough for Holly to take care of herself, just the idea of children and a husband overwhelmed her.

“No.” She chuckled, advancing towards the empty bar stools her brothers sat at this morning. “Garrett got mad at me and pushed me off the couch.”

“Oh.” Her mother spoke, “Why is he mad at you?”

“Not literally mad Ma. He just hits and kicks a lot in his sleep and I hit him back. He gets sick of it.”

Her mother glanced up at her, showing a forced smile. “So you two do that often huh?”

Holly picked up on the hint of a tone. “Do what often?”

“Sleep together.” The tone was heavy then, the implication that the two did something far more physical than just napping close to the other that afternoon. She spoke the words casually, as if trying to get Holly to feel comfortable enough to tell her all the juicy details of Holly and Garrett’s relationship.

The words rolled off her tongue quickly, leaving Holly confused and bewildered. “No Mom. It’s not like that, not at all. Garrett and I, we’re just uh… we’re friends.”

Georgia chuckled, looking at the vegetables waiting to be chopped under her hand. “He’s a boy Holly—”

“No Mom.” She snapped. “He’s not like that ok? He’s my best friend and we aren’t like that.”

Most moms would stop. They’d believe that a friendship was possible between a guy and girl. They’d see it in Garrett and Holly, observing the positive impact he had on her life the past few years. Holly’s mom lacked any trust for the guys her daughters brought home. She was never very trusting of men in general, her past was a good sign of that.

“Come on Holly, are you really that naive? He’s a guy, you’re a girl. You live with him. I mean he’s got those urges, he’s a boy.”

“All we were doing was taking a nap on the same couch Mom.”

She watched her mother’s face change, turning from her Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. The red moved up Georgia’s neck, her jaw clenching in the same way Garrett’s did in traffic, her mother starring at her with a intensity that no one else had. “No. He touches you. You touch him. That’s not just napping.”

“No Mom. That’s call loving him.” Holly muttered, controlling her anger better than her mother. “He’s not trying anything.”

Arguing with her mother really wasn’t on the agenda for the afternoon, but a nerve was struck. Both became so determined to prove the other wrong that neither listened or planned on trying. Holly stuck to defending her friend, telling her mother over and over that Garrett would never violate the boundaries of friendship. Her mother thought she was helping Holly, making her more aware of a boy’s state of mind.

Voices grew, Holly’s patience dwindling. “And do you do this with all these guys you’re friends with down there?” Her mother questioned, ignoring the microwave beeping in the background.

“No. I don’t sleep with ‘all these guys’. I nap beside my friends and they wouldn’t do a thing like that. They aren’t a bunch of crazed dogs, they are civilized and kind and the closest thing I have to a family down there.” She defended.

Her mother scowled. “I thought I raise you better than this Holly.” She shook her head gently, her eyes going to the food she was cooking.

“You raised me to be a fucking lonely, arrogant nun Mom. And I figured I should get out before I ended up like my sister who has standards too high and yet to have any sort of contact with another human being.”

Georgia Thomas had little tolerance for swearing in her home. It was a strict rule that her mother put in place before Holly was even born, breaking her father’s habit of dropping obscenities when he was younger. “And you are just little miss perfect down there huh? Swearing and drinking and sleeping around. You are just so much better than Bekah.” He mother mocked.

“I’m not doing that.” She hissed. “I’m living my life and being a young adult. I’m making mistakes and making friends with people who care about me more than you do.”

Her mother chuckled again. “I thought you moving to Arizona would have taught you a few things.”

“I thought someone finally living your nest and cutting you out of their life for a while would have taught you something.”

If Holly thought her mother was mad before, she didn’t know what was come. The woman slammed the knife down against the cutting board and staring at her, rage filling her body. “I know you think you know everything!” Her mother began. “But you’re only 20. You have no idea what is right or wrong. You only know your own stupidity. You’re going to end up pregnant or in jail if you don’t grow up and realize that life isn’t this easy, pretty thing.”

Of course, Holly was generally offended by the comment. Her jaw dropping and the color disappeared on her face. She had higher hopes for her mother, she was capable of not attack her intelligent. “How would you know what my life is? I send you an email once a month that Garrett basically forces me to do. If he wasn’t in the picture I’d probably never talk to you.”

“If he wasn’t in the picture,” Georgia Thomas spoke, her voice returning to it’s typical volume. “You would have moved back here a long time ago.”

“Exactly.” Holly face went blank, pushing away her emotions for the few minutes she would last in the kitchen with her mother. “If it wasn’t for Garrett I’d be here; miserable and alone. I wouldn’t have met the greatest group of people I’ve ever encountered. I wouldn’t know what life was like, that it is worth living and not hiding in the mountains.”

“You have no idea what you are getting yourself into, with a bunch of boys.” Words were passing like poison into Holly’s blood stream, both members of the spat were quickly sinking into an anger-filled oblivion. “Eventually you’re going to regret the whole thing when those boys expect things from you.”

Steam was practically coming out of Holly’s ears. “You know nothing of my life and I don’t plan to really keep you in it much longer. You just want me to die alone. Well face the facts Mom, I’m not living the Thomas life. I’m going to do what makes me happy, whether that be sleeping next to my best friend for a morning nap or having a 10-day long orgy with the band. I don’t care what you say, you’re a brain-washing dictator.”

Before the woman could open her mouth, Holly was up from the stool and storming from the kitchen. Holly was generally hurt by the comments, not only did her mother just accuse Garrett of wanting her friendship only for an easy fuck but also the fact that Georgia had yet to realize Holly was a fully functioning adult in Arizona. She paid bills and worked hard, she struggled through the hard points and coasted through the easy. Never once had Holly asked them for financial or emotional support, she simply functioned there without anything from her family.

Waking Garrett was something she didn’t really want to do. It would be the second time that day that she’d be doing it. She sat on the side of the couch, sighing, before gently patting him on the chest. “Gary.” She whispered. “I need you.”

He swatted her away, assuming she was toying with him like she would do when he slept at home. He would go to bed at four in the morning after spending the night with old friends and Holly made it her ritual to wake him up at 10:30 every morning, screaming in his ear and mocking his schedule. He loved it though. He really loved everything she did.

“Gary, please.” She spoke again. “Please I need you to get up.” The tears welled up in her eyes, pain really settling in her body. The words her mother used were ricocheting in her head. “Please.” She patted his chest gently.

He grumbled, pulling his arms from behind his head as he tried to blink himself awake. The moment his vision was clear enough to she her face, he immediately worried. “What’s wrong?”

A few tears feel down her face causing him to fly forward and try to hug her and wipe them away with his hands. She beat him to it, her hands smearing them across her rosy cheeks. “Can we please just go?”

“Go?” He looked confused, his eyebrows squeezing together. “Go where?”

She didn’t know or care. She just wanted to run far away from this house and never return. She never wanted to see her mother’s face again. “I don’t know but please, just get up so we can go.”

He got up quickly, pulling his jacket back on while she stood impatiently. “Do I need the keys?”

“No.” She muttered. “We’re just going to go.”

He was still very confused when he pulled his Vans on, trying to make out what she was feeling through her face. It was different for him to experience this side of her, showing off such a range of emotion. At home, it was rare that she would grow this upset to the point where she cried in anger, keeping her teeth tight together as she begged him for help. Typically, her anger would only stem from when he or John pushed her buttons a little too much, but that would only last a few short minutes.

“Come on Gary.” She jittered, watching him collect his possessions from the coffee table.

Colorado kept its reputation that day, it was freezing outside. Garrett almost stopped two feet out the door and decided she was worth fighting this cold day for. Holly however, seemed to get her warm blood back quicker than she expected.

She was ahead of him by 6 feet, her feet pounding the ground moving farther and farther away from him. It wasn’t that she wanted to be away from him, she only wanted to be as far away from her mother at that as physically possible.

“Holly, what happened?” Garrett asked, jogging to keep up with her.

She continued to walk away from the house, following the trail into the wooded part of the Thomas’ property. She didn’t want to tell him, it was entirely too embarrassing for her to even utter the words. Her mother basically accused the boy of using her and Holly wouldn’t do that to him, embarrassing him and making him think he went too far.

“Holly!” He demanded, catching up to her. His hand went to her shoulder as he attempted to understand the abrupt wake up and storming into the coldness.

She wanted to curl into him like she loved to do at that moment. She didn’t want to be in Colorado and away from the guys and her friends. It wasn’t home here; it wasn’t like it use to be. The warmth of the fire from all those years ago burnt out while she was away.

Garrett continued to follow her, pulling his jacket tight around him. Words still flying from his lips with the intent to comfort her as well as understand the events that just happened.

“My Mom’s an idiot.” Holly stopped suddenly, causing Garrett to walk into her and adjust his balance. “You don’t even understand how much I wish we never came now.”

“What happened?” Garrett reached to her again, “Did you tell your mom?”

She shrugged him away again, ignoring his pleas to understand the entire situation. Her back turned more, taking two more steps to separate her from him. Holly could feel the sigh he release, it sent shivers done her spine.

“Look.” He spoke gently, not moving. “Whatever it is Holly, you can tell me ok? I came her to be your support. I’m not here for her or—”

“She accused me of sleeping with you Gar-” Holly’s word slipped from her before she could even think about it. “And the band.”

Pink rose to Garrett’s neck and cheeks. “Wh..what?” He stuttered out.

“Apparently I sleep with my best friends now.” Holly muttered angrily.

The two grew silent and she seemed to be getting farther and farther from him. He stood by, watching her head sink and hearing quiet sniffles coming from her. This wasn’t Holly, she was never upset, not like this. She was the one cheering him up when he got in he got too upset.

“Holly.” He whispered, putting aside any of his on emotions and attempting to approach her.
“Garrett, just leave me alone ok?”

He sighed again, “No.” He took a step, closing the awkward gap between them. “I’m here for you and I want you to fucking talk to me about this. I want you to tell me every fucking thing that hurts you and that makes you upset and I want to help you through and make you fell better. That’s what I’m here for Holly. I’m your best friend and I love you ok?”

Holly turned to him, her eyes water-filled and cheeks red and blotchy. “You don’t want this Garrett. I don’t even know why I asked you to come. It was a stupid idea. You’re just going to get roped into drama that you don’t even deserve to be near.”

“Hey!” He snapped, startling her. “Stop it, I’m here for you. I’ll go walking through an episode of ‘Real World’ for you.”

She smiled at him and his joke, a few tears falling. “Garrett…I just-. I just don’t want you to go through this with me. These people they really are crazy.”

“No crazier than 6 guys and a girl driving around in a van trying to play shows when half of them can barely play an instrument.” He smiled, reaching his arms out and waiting for her to fill them. “Now, shut up and tell me all about your bitch mom.”

He was perfect, everything he did and everything he said made her feel loved. Holly curled against him, grabbing the sides of his coat and leaning against his chest. She inhaled his scent, not that he smelt like anything particular, just the laundry detergent that they used and a slight hint of his deodorant. His stubble brushed against her temple, his arms tight around her waist.

“God, I love you Gar.” She whispered so quietly, it being something she really had no intention of him hearing.

“I love you too Holly.” He spoke back for her to hear. “No matter what.”

And that was that, any chance of an issue between the two was gone. Garrett wiped away her embarrassment and frustration with a few kind words and a joke. He knew her better than anyone really thought. Even Holly didn’t realize what pull he had on her life, how much he really mattered and how much she needed him.

They stood in the woods, her house hidden behind the trees and leaves. Neither one spoke but this wasn’t an uncomfortable silence like before; it wasn’t filled with hurt and negativity. This was perfect, she was in his arms, pulling herself as close to him as possible and let him rock her gently. He was loving it too; now he could hold her like he dreamed of and have her need him for the few brief minutes.

“I hate her.” She mumbled into his chest, closing her eyes.

She felt his lips spread into a smile as he pecked the side of her head gently. “I know.” He was just as quiet as she was, not wanting anything to destroy the moment.

She squeezed him a little bit tighter, the cold starting to intrude. “I wish we were back in Arizona Gar.”

“I know.” He spoke again.

“I miss the warm and our apartment and your parents and the guys.” She recalled it all, the wonderful place they called home now. Where the world seemed to be perfect and not even the weather could change their day.

“Me too.” Garrett was completely absorbed now, everything about the moment was overwhelming his senses. “And we’ll be back before you know it.”

Arizona was home and that she knew. The place where everything seemed perfect and everyone in her life loved her the way people should. Garrett’s parents loved her the way her parents should have. The band took care of her the way her brother should have. And Garrett, he was the reason for all. Before him it never seemed right. Arizona was just as cold and lonely as Colorado without him.

“Are we going to go back in?” Garrett asked.

“Fuck no.” She let go a little, allowing him to retract his arms. “We are going into town and finding a place to get piss drunk and prank call Kenny from a pay phone.”

He chuckled, looking at her. “Now that sounds like a great plan.”