Exhale

The more she kept the conversation focused on Garrett, the less they all talked about her. Their living arrangements weren’t typical, especially for her family’s views. It kept her mother constantly curious, her questions were never-ending in the emails she sent. At first they were all about him— who he was, how old was he, what did he do, where he went to school. They were easy and Holly always answered them but as time passed, the questions were more complicated— what was their relationship, how does he make his money, why does he leave so much, how did they divide up the rent, why did she want to live alone eighty percent of the year? For the past two years she had successful forgone answering every one of them, either by ignoring the question or ignoring each email completely.

Tonight though, she needed them to want those answers. After she spent all the time dodging questions about his career, their living arrangements, and relationship itself, Holly was more than happy answering them all at the dinner table that night. It meant they could avoid the true topic she never wanted to talk about, about her dropping out of school, as well as the set of hickeys that burned across her neck, remind her of the event from the night before. Holly knew Garrett would play along as she raved about their perfect life in Arizona, still too embarrassed over his drunken actions to fight her.

"Oh, Holly, honey, did Tyler tell you the big news?" her mother turned to her, a grin on her lips. Holly shook her head, taking a sip from her glass. "He has some college scouts coming to his hockey games to get him interested in attending their schools!"

Holly’s attention went from her mother to her brother then, a smile forming over her lips when she saw him blush at his mother’s words. “That’s great, Tyler.” She leaned forward to see him better. “What schools?”

“Colorado State and DU,” He shrugged, looking away from her at his mother glowing beside him. “Nothing serious yet.”

“Don’t be modest, Tyler.” Her mother swatted at the boy, sending him a stern smile. “He’s gotten a stack of letters already and some coaches are already making rough offers. We’re gonna go visit some campuses in Denver during his Spring Break.”

Nodding her head, Holly caught Tyler’s frown. She remembered what this was like; all the talks about colleges and her mother bragging to every person they knew about where they were despite her child’s obvious frown. It was endless, even at home Tyler was probably listening to their mother ramble on and on about extracurricular activities and making good grades for hours. Only when they left the house or their mother was out, would any sibling be able to not hear about colleges and universities.

She knew Garrett’s life was so different. Growing up, it wasn’t about making the best grades and taking the most foreign languages for him. His parents weren’t always preaching about how someone’s future was perfect as long as they attended college. They supported him, letting him pursue music, driving him to all his band practices, and helping him pay for gear. When Garrett told them he wasn’t meant for school, they stood by his decision.

Garrett shifted some beside her, readjusting in his seat. “Y’know when I was younger and my older brother Trey was looking at schools, I loved going along.” The group’s eyes shifted to him as he sat up more, looking at Tyler, “I’d get to see new places, eat new food, just being in a new environment is fun. You’ll love it.”

“What about you, Garrett?” Her father asked, directed both his and Holly’s attention to the other side of the table where he sat, taking a piece of bread from the basket in front of him. “Did you ever look at schools?”

A lump settled in Garrett throat as he turned to Holly with a cautious frown. He never had. Holly knew that from the moment Garrett started playing music with his brother, college was out of the question. The band meant too much to ever reconsider to. “N-no, sir.” Garrett mumbled, “The uh…b-band sorta worked it-itself early on in high school so I n-never really had to even con-consider it—college.”

Before Tristan could swallow the food in his mouth and follow up with the next question he obviously had, Georgia cleared her throat, recapturing everyone’s attention. “You’ve been doing the band thing for what, like three years now, Garrett?” She asked, earning a glance from Holly, “Haven’t you considered going back now? Y’know, you make sure you have the best future you can get?”

Holly watched as Garrett fidgeted in his chair some, biting his lip, and giving Holly a frown. The whole table was quiet, watching Garrett look for his words.

“I’ve, uh…never really thought about it I guess.” He shrugged, forcing a smile as his gaze stayed on her mother. “I mean, anything is an op-option—“

“It’s your future though.” Holly’s mother interrupted, folding her arms in front of her as she sat up more, “What’s there to think about when school can offer you security?”

He could only shrug, the words caught in his throat again. Holly watched another frown then, trying to encourage some response to the question. It wasn’t until he parted his lips, looking up at her, and that look of desperation that drove her to intervening and answering some for him.

“He’s got plenty of time to figure it all out, Ma but with the way the band’s going, I doubt he’ll have to worry about it for a long while.” Holly felt Garrett’s arm rest on the back of her chair, not touching her, yet giving her a little reassurance. “They’re getting pretty successful—“

“Those things don’t last forever, Holly,” The woman snapped back, stopping her daughter’s voice, attention then back at Garrett. “It’s irresponsible not to. You can’t support a family or afford a house off a musician’s salary. You’ve gotta make a plan, Garrett.”

It sounded like she was scolding him, like Garrett had done something wrong. Holly watched him frown and turn, meeting her eyes briefly. This certainly wasn’t the first time he’d heard this, but she was still embarrassed he had to hear it from them too. Her mother had always been like this, passing judgement if someone didn’t have a degree. Garrett was successful. His band was successful. Yet, Georgia Thomas could never see that without the certificate saying he would be successful.

“So I have a question.” Holly was relieved when the voice wasn’t from her parents at either end of the rectangular table. Jack sat up some, giving them a look. “You two live together, right?”

Both Garrett and Holly nodded slightly, giving him a confused look.

“Does that mean he’s your boyfriend, Holls?” The young boy smirked, watching them.

It seemed to be the question of the trip. Her brother asked him earlier in the day and her mother implied the relationship the day before. Things could never be platonic, Garrett and Holly could never be friends. Holly knew they assumed there was more, that they told the family it was simply friendship to hide the truth. Her parents would never approve of Garrett dating her and being a musician. It wasn’t the Thomas family plan because he wasn’t a doctor or teacher, he wouldn’t have an alma mater or a graduation ceremony to attend. They would never approve.

Everyone was watching them, waiting for the answer they all wanted her. Garrett shifted in his chair awkwardly, his tension-filled arm dropping from the back of her chair. The simple action brought a smile to Holly’s lips, looking at him. It took him too long to drag his gaze to her, giving her a nervous glance before staring at the opposing wall. Her lips only grew, her hand dropping from where it rested on the table to his thigh, her fingers touching the inside hem of his jeans and slid up.

“Oh, y’know, not quite…” She smiled at her family, fingers continuing on their path up Garrett’s leg until he caught her hand. Looking towards him again, her eyes met his glare, his lips tightening as he pushed her hand off his leg. “We’re still—“

“No.” Garrett interrupted, more assertive now then he had been all evening. “We’re not.”

Everyone was watching, frowns and smirks stretched on their faces. A blush climbed up Garrett’s neck as he scanned over the table. He regretted her actions, wishing he could erase those few moments before. Holly, however, she only smirked at him. It stayed annoyingly silent as they continued to eat. Her family continued their conversations, talking about school and work, avoiding the topics they had avidly asked before. The blush had almost disappeared from his neck when she did again. This time she started higher, fingers running across the tight material and down to the inside of his thigh. Garrett pushed her hand away faster that time, mumbling at her to quit it, her family’s eyes falling on him again.

He licked his lips, looking away from her to meet the curious gazes of her family. “So uh, Holly was telling me about the vacation you’ve planned for the summer.”

Holly would have tried again, but Garrett crossed his legs and angled himself so the limbs weren’t accessible for her. She tried to catch him glance anytime he came close, but she never could, slumping back in the seat in defeat. It wasn’t worth fighting for attention or pulling for his hand to link with her. Holly listened to him talk about Boston, sharing details of the city she’d spent every winter break in.

“You’ve been there?” Mr. Thomas asked, pushing the glasses from the bridge of his nose to rest at the top of his head.

Garrett nodded with a smile. “It’s sort of a staple on a tour, getting to play the Showcase Live or House of Blues,” He smiled again, thinking of the tours they’d been on and running through that city, visiting the sites on their days off and playing shows on the days they were off. “It’s one of my favorite places.”

A smile tugged on her father’s cheeks, “I grew up there.” He watched Garrett, “That’s why we go every summer, visit my parents and family.”

“Boston and Philly are the bands’ favorites.” Garrett mumbled, reaching for his water glass. “We all love the east coast.”

She wished she could tell her family this, not Garrett. Boston was like their second home, they’d go there every summer, visiting cousins and the city. And now, she got to go back a few times a year. Holly got to show the band the city, taking them to the places her father loved. She wanted to tell him she got to see Boston in the winter, to see the snow-covered streets.

“How many times have you been there, Garrett?” Her mother interrupted the conversation between him and her husband.

“A couple times a year.” He shrugged, taking a sip from the glass. “It’s a popular place. It’s a lot of fun too, the guys and I, we all love going to harbor and eating at Cheers—“

“Oh, there’s so much more to Boston than just the tourist spots, Garrett.” She interrupted him with a smile, “I mean there’s probably so much you haven’t seen.”

Garrett shrugged, looking at Holly for a moment. “Well, when we can get Holly to go with us, during her breaks or the weekends, everyone has an even better time. She shows us around.”

Her mother looked at her then, giving her a strange glance. “I’m surprised you’re able to work that out, Holly. I know how demanding a college student’s schedule is.”

Holly forced a smile, trying to not anymore attention to the topic. Her mother continued to watch her as everyone around them ate and began clearing the plates from the dinner table. It was the way she watched Holly that worried her. She wasn’t sure if just by Garrett’s statement that she had figured out everything. As family members began shuffling away, going to different corners of the house, Holly and her mother stayed seated, as did Garrett and her father both nervous about whatever conversation was going to follow.

“You should really be using that time for internships or extra studying.” Georgia finally spoke, resting her elbows on the table. “I know time management isn’t your strongest skill but—“

“I’m fine.” Holly interrupted, feeling Garrett rest his arm across the back of her chair, brushing his thumb across her shoulder.

“And I’m not, dear. I’m worried you’re just not taking school seriously enough. Just because you live with a musician doesn’t mean you can just adopt his lifestyle.” Her mother’s eyes flickered to him for a moment, giving him a frown before focusing on her. “This is your future.”

She wanted to tell her mother then, screaming across the table that she had quit after her first year and had no intention of returning. Holly wished she could, but it wasn’t the time. Not when her mother was already blaming Garrett for everything else. Garrett never told her to quit or even suggested it, he stood by her as she struggled through it, making grades she never wanted to show her parents and eventually, giving up. He gave her his home and eventually, offered to rent an apartment with her. It wasn’t his fault at all, and yet Holly was sure that her mother would blame the boy for her quitting college.

“You’re right.” Holly mumbled, giving her mother one more look before pushing herself up, Garrett scrambling up as well. “This is my life, Mom. If I wanna visit him in Boston, I will. If I wanna study, I’ll study. I’ve done fine these last two years without you micromanaging my life. You really don’t need to start again now.”

Tugging on Garrett’s hand, she walked away, leaving her mother sitting in her chair. Holly bit back the tug at her lips as she felt Garrett’s hand tightening around hers. They walked through the house, neither mentioning anything about the dinner, falling into the same couch they’d sat at early, Tyler sitting on the other.

No one spoke, Tyler too consumed by the game and Garrett and Holly too involved in the other. She’d curled into him the moment they say, her arms curling around his torso and his resting over her shoulder, playing with the fabric of her shirt. He knew what was racing through her head, all the sudden doubt and insecurities that had built up over two years flooding through her. Garrett let her snuggle into him, avoiding anymore questions or family members.

It wasn’t until Tyler stood, shutting off the game console did either open their eyes to see him shuffle to the door, grabbing his coat from behind him. Holly mumbled out his name, flipping in Garrett’s arms to see her brother. Before she could ask him anything, both parents shuffled into the room, standing by the door.

Garrett quickly retracted his arms from her, pushing all but her legs away. A blush climbed up his cheeks at her father and brother’s gaze. Holly only smirked, pulling on his arms, trying to regain his attention.

“We’re gonna take Tyler over to a friend’s and then stop by the store.” Her mother told them, a frown still prominent. “You guys don’t need anything, right?”

Both Garrett and Holly shook their heads, watching the crowd shuffle out the room, pulling the den’s door shut behind them. The moment they heard the garage door shut, Garrett pulled her legs in some and let her fall into his lap, a smirk covering both of their faces. Her arm draped across his shoulders, fingers playing with his hair as her head fell into his hair. Holly let out a heavy sigh, Garrett’s touch and smell easing away the overwhelming feeling from earlier.

He kissed her temple first, resting his head on top of hers. She didn’t expect him to hold her that night, knowing the night before had gotten far too out of hand for his taste. But he seemed to know the moment her parents uttered the words she feared the most that she needed his embrace.

“Are you alright?” He whispered.

Holly nodded, burying her head into his chest. It made her forget about her parents and about telling them the secret she’d worked so hard to keep hidden. This was just like being home, with the guys, when Garrett could make everything right. Here, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t fix these problems she had made for herself. Yet, he was here, helping her in a way he knew he could.

“You sure?” His breath hit her ear, his voice low as he mumbled into her ear.

“Yeah, Gary,” She spoke into his chest. “Just tired.”

Garrett smiled, tightening his grip around her, “It’ll be nice to sleep in a bed tonight.”

She didn’t answering, resting her head against his shoulder. The sound of his voice and the rhythm of his heart beat reminded her of home. She wasn’t in Colorado in Garrett’s lap. They were in their living room or on the bus, the guys were around, laughing and talking. There wasn’t parents or snow or her siblings stressing her out. Garrett kissed her temple again and she could feel him smile, hand gliding over her knee and resting at her thigh.

“We don’t have to sleep in a car.” He continued, talking into her hair, smiles crossing his lips every time she would shift to get closer to him. “There’ll be heat and blankets. We won’t be in a car. I won’t have to listen to your drunken babbling.”

Smirking, she pulled away a little suddenly, twisting to see him. There had been so much tension around the topic of the night before that she was surprised he even brought it up. Of course, he hadn’t mention what she was sure was tugging at his gut all day, but it didn’t matter. It was just the fact that he was willing to mention the day surprised her.

“My drunken babbling, huh?” She repeated as she moved farther away, pulling his hands from her leg and waist.

“No, wait. I didn’t mean it like that.” He caught her attention, stopping her from moving away any further. Garrett caught the teasing smirk she had before she tried to give him a glare. “H-holly, you know I-I… all us guys f-find your drunk babbling a-adorable.”

Holly giggled, not moving away anymore. “I know Kenny thinks it’s adorable, Gar. You just make fun of me the next day.”

Groaning, Garrett looked away quickly, slouching into the couch to put more distance between them. “Kennedy again?” He muttered, watching the door behind her that her parents left through. “Why is it always Kenny?”

She giggled as he crossed his arms across his chest, not looking at her. “Oh that’s right,” She wrapped her arm around his shoulder again, pulling herself close and forcing his arms to uncoil “No talking about Kennedy.” Her hand wound into his hair, playing with the strands as his eyes found hers.

“Well I’m here, not him.” He mumbled, watching the grin grow over her face.

“You’re right.” She whispered, “I should just talk about how great you are, shouldn’t I?”

Garrett smiled, his arms twisting around her waist again. Her head rested against his shoulder, arms back over his shoulder. When she tried to shift or curl away, he’d tightening his arms around her, stopping her movement, no matter how uncomfortable she may be. “I think that’s a great topic.” He breathed into her temple. “Go ahead.”

“Now Gary,” She giggled at him name, catching his smirk. “We both know I love you the most, that’s why you’re here.”

Holly waited for him to loosen his grip on her and his eyes to close to sit up some, climbing into his lap so she sat on him then, not just her legs. Garrett’s eyes opened quickly and he gave her a confused look. “H-holls…” He tried speaking but she shushed him immediately, pressing a finger to her lips.

“Hi Gary.” She whispered, her lips closer to his ear now. Garrett’s hands hovered near her as he tried to decide whether to embrace her new affection or not. “Y’know you’ll always be my favorite.” Another smirk pulled at her lips, “Why you’re jealous of Kenny, I’ll never understand.”

He couldn’t focus on her words, distracted by the hand she had resting on his chest. The longer they sat there, the more her smile grew and Garrett’s ability to move lessened. Her hand moved up, his eyes dropping from hers to watch its path. Her thumb ran across the line of his collar bone and over his shoulder again, fingers tracing the lines of his muscles.

Looking away, he tried to not think about how he loved this attention. It was so new for him, for them. Holly didn’t tease him at home, she teased Kennedy. These games were saved for him and when she drank, but they were always tamer, ending in drunken laughs and slurring insults. It wasn’t the alcohol driving this sudden game, she was completely sober. As confusing as it was for him, he wasn’t going to be the one to stop it, enjoying her complete attention too much.

It wasn’t until he heard her father clear his throat that he pushed Holly from his lap, a deep blush covering his cheeks. It was negating everything they tried to make clear at dinner, proving just what her whole family assumed. He wanted to fly from the couch and disappear into their room, not returning to the downstairs until she had the car packed.

The couch they shared shifted as Holly sat up from where he had dumped her. Glaring at him, her attention went to her parents as the took their seats again. “Tyler get there okay?” She asked as her father lowered himself down into the chair, sighing.

As the conversation picked up again, Holly tried put her legs across his lap again, hoping he’d fold his arms across them like he had before. Instead, he pushed them away, crossing his legs to keep her from trying again. His hand rose to his hair, running his fingers through it quickly, the blush still covering his neck and cheeks. He tried to keep talking, telling her parents about his childhood and parents, but every time Holly shifted or moved, he’d lose focus, only causing the blush to grow more red.

He continued to ignore her, pushing away all the advances and touches. Even when she spoke, joining in the conversation, Garrett couldn’t bring himself to look at her face, knowing the glare she’d have. It wasn’t until her fingers ran over the seem of his jeans that he snapped his head to look at her, giving her a stern glare with made Holly giggle.

“Stop it.” He muttered, no longer caring about her parents sitting there or how red his cheeks grew every time her hand came close to him. “No more.”

The few words he spoke to her were enough to send both of her parents to their feet and out the door. Both adults mustered up an excuse, trying to make it seem like they didn’t pick up on the tension between Garrett and Holly. They left faster than they came in, her father telling them goodnight and mother reminding them of their plans the following day. Once they disappeared the blush across Garrett’s cheeks disappeared when he turned to look at her. She left him no time to do so though, she snuggled into him again, only to be pushed away by Garrett.

His jaw tightening when she turned to see him. “Would you stop?” He groaned, pressing his palm to her thigh and pushing her across the leather couch for the third time. “Leave me alone.”

“I got rid of them, Gar.” She tugged at his arm, trying to get him to act as before, for his to pull her into him and let her truly relax. He pulled his hand free before she could try again, rising to his feet. “Garrett, please.”

He sighed, twisting around to see her. “I’m going to bed.” He breathed out in response, avoiding the look she was giving him. He didn’t understand how she needed him, how it wasn’t the game she lead him to believe it was. He always helped. His embrace could comfort her and his words always helped.

“Garrett—“

She didn’t even get a chance to finish her thought before he walked away, muttering a goodnight and leaving the room. He was tired of this game, whatever it was. It was getting dangerous, he fingers playing with his hair and touching the his skin, it was all too tempting. Sleeping beside her was one thing, he controlled the situation then, only touching her in those moments when he knew he could. When Holly played along though, it was hard to control himself and his feeling.

Moving towards the steps, he ran his fingers through his hair, forgetting what had happened. Exhaustion pulled at him, making him grumpier than usual. Sleeping was all he had left, his one true escape from the thoughts of Holly. It worked better than video games or shows. Even if she slept with him, he wasn’t surround by thoughts of her. Instead, she was simply another body to hold and lay near. He didn’t have to analyze every movement, wondering if it gave away his secret. Sleeping meant he could have a brief peace.

Garrett was half way up the steps before her father’s foot hit the top step. He looked up quickly, catching Mr. Thomas’s eye and trying to push back the blush. Of the few stories Holly had told him of home, her father was in very few, leaving Garrett with little basis to deal with any conversation.

Before Garrett could pass by him, continuing to their bedroom door, her dad stopped forcing him to stop too. It was awkward for a moment as he watched Garrett, rubbing his hand across his chin, lips parting.

“I’ve forgotten how things were when Holly has boys over.” Tristan broke the uncomfortable silence, a small smirk settling, reminding Garrett of Holly. “She goes about these sorts of things a little differently than Bekah does.”

It was the look on her father’s face that gave him away. Garrett grew nervous quickly, watch the smirk change into a frown as he pushed the glasses from his face. “Uh I-I’d, I m-mean, we-we’re n-not-“

Her father interrupted him, waving his hand in front of his face. “I never thought anything by it.” It was obviously he was lying, smirking into the words and not quite looking Garrett in the words. “I just wanted to y’know, mention the, uh…, rules Holly’s mom and I have sort of established.”

Garrett tried to nod and brush away whatever connotation the words had. It was obvious that they thought something was there besides just the simple friendship the two had tried to explain at dinner. So he knew he had to bear whatever her father was about to tell him, biting back whatever blush would spread over his cheeks at his comments. They could focus on fixing the assumption in the following days, but Garrett couldn’t change anything about it now.

“We just wanna remind you that we just, I mean, if you two were together, that we don’t really allow a lot of that,” He pointed down the stairs, to what Garrett assumed to mean what they were doing earlier. “In the house. I don’t know what you guys do in your apartment but here, we don’t really like it, at least in the l-living areas, just because y’know Jack’s a little young to be seeing those sorts of things.”

Nodding, he tried slipping past Tristan to run to his room but the moment Garrett reached the top step, Tristan put his arm up in front of Garett, stopping his past. “Y-yes…sir.” Garrett mumbled, looking at the frame picture beside him to avoid his eyes. “I c-can handle that.”

“I mean I really can’t enforce rules while you’re in your room, we’ve never really been able to with Holly,” He leaned against the wall, tilted his head up with a smirk, thinking of whatever memory the man had of his daughter. “So I just think you oughta know that if you’re downstairs and doing that…stuff, just take it upstairs.”

Garrett was pretty sure his face would be red forever after that. Tristan gave him a nod before proceeding down the steps, giving him the space to continue up.