Head on Collision

Jacks pov

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks Alex and Holly have been an item. Well almost four actually. Yes, I’ve been counting! So what? I’m pissed off, I’m angry with Alex. And yes, alright, I’ll admit it. I may be a little bit jealous. Why do I imagine you sitting there with your arms crossed and cocking an eyebrow at me as if to say, ‘a little jealous? Really?” fuck. Alright, yes. I’m really fucking jealous. I thought I had something with Alex. I mean, we had almost kissed three times. Sure, they were corny as hell places, but it still; happened! Well, almost happened. Fuck. You know what I mean.

I was alright with it to begin with; soft of. I didn’t really see them together. Holly was in my maths class and they were both in my English class; but Alex chose to sit beside me in English. Despite the fact that I would sit on the edge of my chair; against the wall. Yes, it was childish, but I really could give a damn.

Then it started; seeing them together. Holding hands or her kissing him on the cheek in the hallway. There were ‘cute’ little hugs outside class room or long goodbyes before gym or at the end of school. I always just stood there with my arms crossed waiting rather impatiently for him to hurry the fuck up. I hadn’t seen them kiss properly; like on the mouth. But who knows what could be happening behind closed doors. I bet she’s been to his house. She got to see it before I did; his best friend. I frowned.

I missed him. I missed hanging out like we used to. I missed being able to hold him close; but now, it just felt wrong, felt awkward. If anything, I feel somewhat betrayed by him; like, being with Holly means he’s cheating on me. But he’s not. Because we weren’t a couple, we aren't a couple and by the looks of things we never will be.

I sighed and turned to my locker. It was Friday morning, which meant I had English first period with Alex, then maths with Zack. Then I had music right after recess break. Then gym and finishing the day, after lunch, with Spanish. So, all in all, it was a massive day of Alex, Alex and more Alex. I turned my back to my locker; closing my eyes and leaning against it. Maybe I could just spend the day in there. No one would notice, more than likely. Right? I shook my head. Don’t be ridiculous Barakat. That's just stupid. I opened my eyes, to find Holly Approaching me.

I became confused. What’d she want; to rub it in my face that she had Alex and I didn’t? I frowned and turned away from her approaching face; opening my locker again and pulling out my maths stuff as well as my English; preparing for a quick get away from Alex after English and right into the safety of Maths. Ew.

“Hey Jack,” Holly small voice came from behind me.

I turned slowly; Holly was about a head shorter then me; she was looking up at me with a sad smile.

“Um, hi?” I greeted her. “I don’t mean to be rude, but what do you want?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

I sighed. I couldn’t be rude to her; she’s a sweet girl and she has no idea about my, whatever, for Alex. Feelings? Yeah. feelings.

“Go for it,” I shrugged.

“Well, Alex just broke things off with me,” she said softly.

I felt my heart soar; in happiness, in hope and in excitement. I tried my best not to grin like a mad man at the news; because Holly seemed kind of; heartbroken. At least now sh knows how I feel.

“Did he, did he say why?” I asked her; trying to sound interested.

I couldn’t care less as to why. Alex was free! Alex was free to be mine again and this time I wasn;t going to just wait for him to come to me.

“He said he has feelings for someone else,” she whispered.

“Wait what?” I questioned.

He has feelings for someone else? Who? Me? He has feelings for me. Fuck. He does. Oh my god.

“Did he say who?” I asked her.

“No, he didn’t say who,” Holly looked up at me; her face upset. “He just said that he can;t see me anymore because it wasn't right. He couldn’t commit to me properly.”

“Oh,” I said; smiling sadly at her.

“Yeah,” she frowned. “He said that I would always be the next best thing for him. Whatever that means.”

“I wonder who he’s talking about,” I thought allowed.

“Oh, I think I have some sort of idea,” Holly told me; cocking her head to the side.

“Don’t, don’t be ridiculous,” I laughed; shaking my head. The bell rang loudly throughout the hall. I put my arm around her shoulder. “Come on. We have English.”

“With Alex,” she sighed as we started walking.

“You can’t avoid him forever Holly,,” I said to her; rubbing her arm comfortingly. “If you want, I can sit next to you. Leave Alex to wallow in his misery.”

“No,” she laughed lightly. “You sit with him. Like you always do. He’s your mate.”

“You’re my friend too, Holly,” I smiled. “Kind of. Sort of. I don’t know.”

“you’re a loser, Barakat,” she laughed. “But thanks. You know how to make a girl feel better.”

“It’s just how i do,” I smiled at her as we walked into the English classroom.

I looked over the classroom; finding Alex sitting his chair; his head on the desk. Holly gave me a departing smile and I approached my desk. Maybe i should just tell him how I feel; write a note and slide it across to him; or tell him at recess, or between classes. I rested my hand on his shoulder as I sat down. He looked up; his face was sad.

“did you hear?” he whispered to me.

“Yeah, Holly told me,” I whispered back to him.

He sighed and sat up; slumping against me; his head on my shoulder. I slowly moved my arm around his shoulders; rubbing it softly.

“You should have seen her face,” Alex continued. “I’ve never done that before. She looked so hurt.”

“Its alright. Holly’s a trooper,” I told him; softly. “She’ll be alright.”

I sighed to myself. I couldn’t do it now. I couldn’t just tell him I like him with him feeling such regret for hurting Holly. I just had to wait and wait I will do; as long as it takes. I’m not losing him again.