Head on Collision

Jacks POV

I smiled down at Alex. He returned the smile; just as warm and loving.

“So, when do I get to hear this poem of yours?” I asked.

“Oh! Right!” Alex said; letting go of my hands.

I watched him as he walked over to his desk and picked up the notebook again. He gently closed the door and kicked off his shoes beside it. I followed suit; kicking mine off with his. I watched him clambered onto his humongous bed and settle himself against the bedhead. He patted the spot beside him and I climbed on too; sitting close to him.

“Before I read this, I think I owe you an explanation for why I’ve been such a dumb ass the last few days,” Alex put the notebook face down on his outstretched legs.

“Alright,” I nodded. “Go.”

“Well, the reason I was sort of avoiding you,” he started and I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Alright. Completely avoiding you. Was because of my mum.”

“What’d she do?” I asked cautiously.

“She didn’t do anything,” he assured me. “It was just, when I got home from your house on Sunday I noticed a hickey on my neck.”

“Oh,” I smiled innocently. “My bad.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded and looked down; fiddling with his notebook and sticking his pinky into the spirals. “Well, at dinner that night, my mum brought it up with me.”

“Do I, want to hear this conversation?” I asked unsurely.

“It wasn’t particularly bad,” Alex shrugged. “And it didn’t even have anything to do with you. My mum and I sort of got in a fight because she thought I was sleeping with Holly.”

“Oh,” I looked away. “Holly.”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed. “She wasn’t too pleased that I was sporting a “love bite” as she called it. And she was mad because she hadn’t even met Holly and I was “running around with her.”

“But, you and Holly,” I bit my lip. Did I even want to know if they had done anything along those lines. “You two didn’t, did you?”

“Jack. Me and Holly didn’t even make out,” he told me. “We kissed once on the lips and it was awkward as hell. It didn’t feel right, so I just avoided the situation entirely.”

“Okay,” I smiled; secretly relieved.

“I practically screamed at my mum that I wasn’t sleeping with anybody and she assumed that I had gotten drunk or something and that I don’t remember it,” he continued. “She’s so irrational sometimes. Thankfully, my dad wasn’t home. He would’ve hit the roof if he heard me shouting at my mum. Anyway, I assured my mum, as calmly as possible that I wasn’t sleeping with anybody, I wasn’t seeing Holly anymore and that mark was given to me by you when I kicked your arse at Donkey Kong.”

“Oh really now?” I cocked my head at him.

“Yep,” Alex nodded. “And I was avoiding you because of all that nonsense and that I was embarrassed; for both myself and my mum. I was embarrassed and sort of ashamed that I didn’t want to tell her about you. And I was scared that if you knew that, if I told you all that that I would lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me Lex,” I turned on the bed to face him. “I promise.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Because if you think i'm some mental case or whatever, you can leave now. I’ll try not to take offense or whatever. I just...”

I cut him off with kiss on his lips. I heard him sigh against my mouth.

“I’m in this for the long run baby,” I smiled at him. “I swear to you. In fact.”

I sat up; fiddling with the knots on one of my old, worn yarn bracelets I wore. None of them had any particular meaning; until now. I eventually got the knot free.

“Hold out your left wrist,” I requested and he did what he was told. I tied it on to his wrist; leaving a little wriggle room. “Is that alright?”

Alex nodded; staring down at the bracelet.

“Take it as a promise, Lex,” I cupped his cheek with my hand and brought his eyes up to mine. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Jack,” he whispered. “You’re just...indescribable.”

“So, can I hear the poem now?” I pushed. I really wanted to hear it.

“Alright,” Alex nodded and picked up his notebook; flipping it over up the right way.

I sat back; resting my head on his shoulder comfortably.

“I want your honest opinion right?” he told me and I nodded. “I want to know exactly what you think; if its shit or whatever. Tell me okay?”

“Deal, deal,” I shook my head. “Just read.”

“Okay,” Alex took a deep breath. “It’s called Therapy.”

I closed my eyes and listened to Alex’s voice as he started to read.

”My ship went down
In a sea of sound
When I woke up alone
I had everything
A hand full of moments
I wished I could change
and a tongue like a nightmare
That cut like a blade

I opened my eyes and tilted my head so I could watch his face.

In a city of fools
I was careful and cool
but they tore me apart like a hurricane
A hand full of moments
I wished I could change
but I was carried away

I heard him inhale deeply again and he continued.

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling on everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can keep all your misery

I swallowed. I knew what this was about. This was Alex and how he dealt with losing Daniel.

My lungs gave out
as I faced the crowd
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous
I'm flesh and bone
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious

Experts? Alex was forced into therapy after all that. Well, of course he was Jack. Something like that; you’d need someone to talk to.

Arrogant boy
love yourself so no one has to
They're better off without you
Arrogant boy
Cause a scene like your supposed to
They'll fall asleep without you
You're lucky if your memory remains

I felt tears in my eyes.

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery
Therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can choke on your misery

When Alex stopped talking, he put the notebook down on the bed beside him.

“Well?” he asked.

I sat up and looked at him. his eyes moved a lot; studying my face. I threw my arms around him; clutching him to my chest. He moved his arms around my waist and he held my close. Even though the position was awkward I could feel Alex relax against me. I felt his breathing which was regular I felt him exhale against my neck. I wanted him to feel safe. I wanted to to know that I’m here.

“Wow,” I whispered. “that was amazing Alex. Simply amazing. I just, I don’t even know what to say.”

“I made the Jack Barakat speechless,” Alex laughed softly.

I let him go and slid a hand onto either side of him neck.

“Alex, I want you to know, I want to feel that I'm here for you okay?” I told him looking him directly in the eye. “I’m here for everything and anything. A cry, a laugh, a hug. Whatever you need; I'm here. You don't need to love yourself or depend on yourself anymore. You can depend on me for everything, but most importantly, to love you. I’ll always love you.”

I pulled him back into a hug; holding him tighter this time. he squeezed back, his arms around my waist.

“Jack?”

“Yeah?” I let go again and looked at him.

“Sometimes that’s all I ever needed,” he smiled softly. I grew confused. “A hug. All these people telling me I needed help. All I wanted was someone to give me a hug.”

“Baby. I'll be that person,” I whispered “I’ll always be that person.”

I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Now, how am I going to compete with that masterpiece?” I asked him.

“I think you’ll manage,” Alex smiled at me.

“I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “I don’t really have a way with words.”

“Jack. What you just said, about always loving me and being there for everything, it may not of rhymed, but that was poetry,” Alex smiled.

“So maybe we did learn something from that guy today,” I frowned.

“Look,” Alex stood up and moved to his desk. He picked up a pen and walked back to me; opening his notebook to a new page and handing it to me. “I’m going to take a shower. Try writing something. Write down your feelings.”

“I can’t do that,” I frowned at him. “I'm not exactly, um, whats the word?”

“Eloquent?” Alex suggested.

“Maybe, whatever that means,” I frowned again.

Alex laughed lightly at me.

“Something will come to you,” he told me. He leaned over to me and kissed me on the lips. “I believe in you.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“I won't be long okay?” Alex walked towards the door. “Just try it.”

I watched as he walked out; closing the door behind him.

I slumped back against the bed head and bended my knees up; resting the notebook on them. I scrawled the word “Untitled” across the top of the page and frowned. I don’t know where to begin. Alex’s poem had so much heart; so much feeling. I guess I can be mushy sometimes, but not enough to write a response to something like that. I frowned and tossed the notebook and pen down onto the floor. I shimmied down so I was lying on my back on the bed. I threw an arm over my eyes and closed them. I’ll work on the poem tomorrow.