Head on Collision

Jack’s POV

The monotone buzz of my alarm clock dragged me out of slumber. I reached over to my bed side table and felt around blindly. I found the source of the noise and slammed my alarm clock with my palm. I turned my head; resting my cheek into my pillow. I slowly opened one eye, followed by the other when I realized my room wasn’t filled with sunlight; instead an eerie gray glow. I frowned; another rainy miserable day. I sighed and rolled onto my back. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. The sound of the rain pelted the roof of my house. I scratched my head and turned to look at the alarm clock again. 7.38.

“Shit!” I yelled and pretty much jumped out of bed.

I chucked the quilt over the bed in an attempt to make it look ‘made.’ I ran over to my wardrobe and threw the doors open; scanning over my t-shirts with my hand. I yanked the t-shirt I was wearing over my head and dumped it on the pile on the floor. I pulled out a Jimmy Eat World t-shirt and chucked it over my head. I tugged on a pair of my skinny jeans and yanked them free of their hanger. I kicked off my pajama pants and pulled my jeans on; trying to pull them on both legs at the same time. I jumped to make the process faster; eventually they made it to my hips and I buttoned them. I sat on the end of my bed and pulled on my still damp converses.

Running to the bathroom to take my morning piss, I caught a glimpse of my hair in the bathroom cabinet mirror.

“Oh my god,” I shook my head; and rubbed the back of it in attempt to flatten my hair a little.

I shrugged and made my way back to my room; grabbing a beanie off the top of my chest of drawers and pulling it on my head and down to over almost all of my ears. I went to my wardrobe again; pulling out a simple white hoodie and pulled it on. On a spur of the moment decision, I grabbed my leather jacket too; pulling it on over the top of my hoodie but leaving it undone. I grabbed my backpack; silently hoping all the necessary books for today were in there. I had a habit of losing my schedule the first day. This year was no exception. I chucked it over my shoulder and made one more pit stop in the bathroom; surveying my appearance.

I bent over to check my head; dragging my fringe over so it sat neatly over my eye; it was pretty much the only bit of my ‘skunk’ hair you could see anyway. The hoodie and jacket complimented each other well. Why’d I never think of layering up before? I was a blur of black and white. I shrugged at myself and left the bathroom; dodging Leeyh on the way. I walked to the kitchen where mum was sitting at the table sipping a coffee. As I entered she held up a $10 bill. With a kiss on my mums cheek and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl for breakfast, I ran out the door. I stood on the door step for a short while. I put the apple in my bag for later; and pulled my hood up over my head.

I stepped out into the rain and walked quickly to the bus stop. I stood out from under the crowded bus shelter. I felt the rain soaking through everything but I didn't care. I was pretty excited to see Alex again. I wonder if he saved me a seat. He would’ve got on just before me. I spotted the familiar yellow bus approaching us. I peered through the rain into the windows as it got closer; unable to see anything through the grime. The bus pulled to a stop; its brakes squeaking loudly. A few girls made a running dash to the bus so they didn’t get wet. I followed the crowd and was one of the last to board the bus. I walked up the stairs and looked around for Alex. I frowned when I didn’t spot his beanie or his hair amongst the crowd. I walked along the bus and swung myself into a empty seat half way down the bus. A guy from the bus stop sat beside me. I pulled my ipod from my bag and stuck the ear buds in my ears. I switched it on and scrolled through the play lists; settling on Blink. I sat back in the chair and rested my forehead against the glass. My hopes plummeted to the floor.

---

I plopped down into my front row seat in history. The teacher, Mr Martin, seated us alphabetically. I didn't have anyone I spoke to in this class, so being seated in the front row meant I was always called on. I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on my arms; slipping my eyes closed. I heard Mr Martin come bustling into the classroom just after the tardy bell and I sat up. I made a decision; i'll give it 10 minutes before I asked to go the bathroom. I sat and stared at the clock above the blackboard as Martin rambled on about World War Two.

He asked a question I didn’t know the answer to but I raised my hand anyway.

“Yes Mr Barakat?” he responded in his Indian accent. “What is the answer?”

“I was just asking to go to the bathroom,” I shrugged.

Mr Martin frowned and moved behind his desk. He opened the draw and pulled out the pass and slapped it on to his desk. He turned back to the board and continued writing notes. I stood up quickly and made my way from the classroom; silently grabbing my bag as I went. I knew no one would dob me in. I slipped out and started to wonder the halls.

My thoughts went back to Alex. Maybe he was sick from being in the rain yesterday. No, he couldn’t be. He didn't even get wet. Maybe he had some sort of family emergency and couldn’t come. Or maybe I had scared him off and he just didn’t want to hang around me.

I turned a corner and peered around to check for teachers. Finding it clear I walked down the corridor with my hands in my pockets. I watched the floor as I walked; I should have just stayed in history. I looked up at the sound of a piano coming from the auditorium in front of me. I approached it on tiptoe; making sure my shoes didn’t squeak on the linoleum. My curiosity got the better of me. I peeked through the small window in the door and spotted someone sitting at the piano. I opened the door a smidge and slid through. I walked quietly and sat down in the back row; ducking down as far as my long legs allowed. I recognized the figure immediately. It was Alex. The slow melody of the music continued. Alex opened his mouth and he started to sing.

Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - it could be for the last time and it's not right.

I didn't know Alex could sing. His voice was amazing; velvety smooth and serene. There was an edge to it; an edge i could definitely see myself being in to.

"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

I sat up properly and leaned forward in the seat; placing my backpack on the floor silently. The pace of the song sped up.

Dead; Like a candle you burned out;
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

I heard pain in Alex’s voice. He was struggling to get the words out; I watched him closely. He sat up straighter on the stool.

Sing me to sleep,
I'll see you in my dreams,
waiting to say,
"I miss you. I'm so sorry."

I brought my hand to my mouth as the emotions overwhelmed me. Alex had been hurt; badly. Emotionally and spiritually he was broken. I bit down on my lip behind my hand and kept my eyes on Alex. His hands moved delicately on the keys.

Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you brought this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

The emotions came through again and I heard him sniff.

Sing me to sleep,
I'll see you in my dreams,
waiting to say,
"I miss you. I'm so sorry."

I stood up; lifting my bag onto the chair. I approached the stage ever so slowly. Alex didn’t notice. His vision transfixed on the paper in front of him.

Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep.

I stopped a short distance from the stage and crossed my arms. I was mesmerized my him; by the line of him, the words he was singing, the tone of his voice, the heart those words possessed.

Sing me to sleep; you've taken so much with you.
I'll see you in my dreams; but left the worst with me.
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

I watched as he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. I uncrossed my arms and walked right up to the stage.

“Wow,” I said softly.

Alex whipped his head around to me quickly.

“You scared me,” he put his hand on his heart.

“Sorry,” I said. I pulled myself up onto the stage. “Did you write that song?”

“You heard it?” he asked; his eyes wide.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s amazing.”

I approached the piano and picked up the paper.

“Lullabies?” I read allowed.

“Yeah,” Alex looked away; resting his hands back onto he keys of the piano. He started playing it again.

“What’s it about?” I asked cautiously.

“Um,” Alex stopped playing; lifting his hand off the keys and laying them in his lap.

“You don’t have to tell me,” I offered quickly putting the sheet music back on the piano. “It’s just a pretty powerful song. I figured there must be something pretty deep or dark behind it.”

“There is,” Alex told me.

He stood up and walked to the edge of the stage. He jumped down. I followed him to the edge but instead of jumping off I just sat down.

“Well?” I pushed gently.

“It’s about my brother, Daniel,” Alex whispered.

“If you’re going to whisper, you’re going to have to come closer,” I half smiled.

Alex approached the stage and leaned on it beside me.

“Alright. Lullabies is about my feelings towards my brother Daniel and what he did,” Alex confessed.

“What’d do?” I asked.

“He committed suicide,” Alex whispered, his voice cracked and he looked up at me. His eyes were swimming with tears.

“Fuck,” I whispered and looked him in the eye; trying to radiate comfort. I didn't know what to say.

“That’s why we moved here,” Alex continued. “Too many people knew over there. I couldn’t even go to school without being asked about him. It was too hard.”

I studied Alex’s broken expression. His eyes were sad; his face fallen.

“I'm sorry,” I told him; not knowing what else to say.

“It’s alright,” he nodded. “It’s been 5 months to the day.”

“Oh.”

“Can I confess something?” he asked me.

“Of course,” I replied; nodding slowly.

He looked up at me; his eyes meeting mine.

“This is the first time I’ve actually cried over it,” he said; a few tears spilled over the edge.

I pushed myself off the stage and onto the ground. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Come here,” I said and grabbed him by the shoulders; pulling him into a hug.

He fell into me; he arms wrapped lazily around my middle. His face nuzzled into my shoulder and he started to sob.

“Hey hey hey,” I soothed; rubbing his back. “I’m here Alex. Your Jacky’s here.”

I bit my tongue. His Jacky? Where the hell did that come from.?

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered into Alex’s ear. “I promise.”

I felt him squeeze me tighter around the waist. I kissed the top of his head softly. What had gotten into me? Why am I hugging him like this; kissing him on the head? I loosened my grip on his shoulders and took a half step back. Using my thumb, I wiped his cheeks free of tears. He smiled a watery half smile at me.

“You’re the first person to ever promise that Jack,” he told me.

“What?” I looked at him; lost.

“That you weren’t going anywhere,” he said; and wiped the spot on my leather jacket where he had cried. “Most people just avoid me when they find out.”

“I’m not most people, Alex,” I smiled at him.

“I know Jack,” Alex smiled in reply. “I knew that from the very first time you knocked me down.”