Head on Collision

Alex’s POV

So is this what heart break feels like? Sure I’ve been broken up before. But I think id prefer to be dumped for being a suicide risk then have to suffer through the pain of the person I love cheating on me right now. I mean, fuck. Why did he even do it? Fucking why? Am I really that repulsive? Am I really that naive? I mean, what’d I do wrong? What’d I do to fucking deserve it?

I paced my room back and forth; my mind racing a million miles per hour. Ever since Jack’s little appearance at my house an hour ago, I hadn’t been able to stop crying. Asshole. And im not just tlaking about a little tear here or there. Ive been sobbing. Im not even sure how I’m still standing.

The look on Jack’s face though when I opened that door. That little smile. Barely even noticeable. Usually the type of smile that would make me go weak at the knees and fall nto his arms. Clearly im that pathetic. But this time, I just, I couldn’t. I wanted to. I wanted to throw myself at him; hold him close to me and tell him I had forgiven him for what he had done. But I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had never slammed a door in someones face before. It literally took everything I had to do it too.

But when he was screaming up at me on that balcony; yelling and crying my name, begging for a conversation, some sort of attention, I could hear the desperation in his voice. I could hear the overwhelming emotion making his voice crack and become almost unrecognisable. Why was he so upset? He has brought it on himself hadn’t he? By sleeping with Jasey.

What’d he even see in her? Sure she was pretty; I guess. Long chocolate brown hair and legs that would reach the heavens. But he loves me. Well, loved me.

Unless, he was telling the truth in the cafeteria? Maybe Jasey did spike his drink. Maybe it was all her fault. I mean, had he even spoken to her before that party? How would I know? I mean, I had only just stepped into Jack’s life. I didn’t know him before.

Then again, if he really didn’t want to go to the party, he wouldn’t have gone. Why did he even go? Hold on. I told him he could. I told him to go. Kara’s his friend too. I told him to.

Okay Alex. Stop. I told myself as I came to a halt in the centre of my room. do not turn this around on yourself. Jack is a grown boy. He’s not a child. He can make his own decisions. I sighed. Casting my eyes downwards. I caught a glimpse of my appearance in the mirrors of my wardrobe; noticing I was wearing Jack’s blink 182 tshirt.

Angrily; I pulled it up over my head and tossed it at the balcony doors. I shook my head; staring at the crumpled pile of shirt.

I remembered when he left it here.

“Jack,” I started. “it’s 4am. You really should go home.”

“My mum’s not home though,” he told me; leaning in and nipping at my ear lobe.

We lay on my bed; and close together as it was possible, limbs tangled together, still coming down form one of the greatest orgasms of my life.

“Well, my mum and dad should be home any minute,” I nudged him away and he looked down to me with a pout.

“So?”

“What if they were to catch us here, liek this?” I reasoned.

“They know we’re dating Lex,” he told me as a-matter-of-factly.

“But they don’t know we’re doing, this, Jack,” I rpelied.

“I don’t care if they know that only an hour ago I was making love to their son,” Jack winked and leaned in to my neck; grazing hsi teeth along my pulse point.

“Jack,” I moved my head; making it impossible for Jack to reach my neck.

I heard the door downstairs creak a little as it opened and my eyes shot to my open bedroom door.

“Jack, you have to go. Now,” I urged him in a hurried voice.

I sprung out of bed; pulling an old pair of sweats on as I went. I ran around my room, picking up jacks clothes as I went. I turned back to him. he still lay in my bed; arms crossed behind his head with hsi head lying on them.

“Get up you asshole,” I hissed at him.

“What if I don’t want to?” he smirked.

“I swear to God Jack,” I threw his boxer shorts at him.

“Okay okay,” he caved; sldiing out from under my blankets and pulling his boxers on.

I tossed his jeans to him and he quickly scurried into them; leaving them undone. He slipped his bare feet into his converse and made his way to the balcony doors.

“What about my tshirt?” he asked in a whisper.

“I’ll give it to you at school,” I told him almost silently; opening n of the balcnony doors.

Jack slipped through and pulled on his hoodie; zipping it up to his throat. He climbed over the railing and down into the tree. He stopped and looked up at me. I walked over and leaned on the railing.

“Tonight was awesome,” Jack smiled at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

“Definitely,” I nodded; leaning down and pecking him on the lips. “I love you so much Jack.”

“I love you too, Lex,” he smiled before clambering his way down.

I turned back to my room and hurried inside; closing the door quietly behind me. I scooped up Jack tshirt and pulled it on over my head. I cimbed into my bed and closed my eyes; just as my bedroom door opened.

I wiped my cheeks furiously with the backs of my hands and flopped down face first on my bed. I inhaled; refusing to cry anymore over him. the scent of Jack; just jack flooded my senses and I flipped over onto my back.

“fucking hell,” I muttered under my breathe.

I got up and went and lay down on my floor. I stared up at my ceiling. I swear, it was liek he was everywhere in this house. I couldn’t go anywhere without smelling him. I know that sounds creeping but he was just, everywhere. My room, the living room even the bathroom. He ws fucking everywhere. I know this sounds pathetic, but he took my heart with him when he walked away today. I know it was my own fault. I let him go. But, I just couldn’t stand seeing him.

I sighed again.

“Walk away, I'm barely breathing" I sung to myself quietly. I half laughed as the next line came to me. ”As I'm lying on the floor.”

I sat up; gazing out through the glass of the balcony doors.

”Take my heart, as you're leaving,” I looked down to the floor. ”I don't need it anymore.”