Status: Back in business. Please read second authors note added to the 'Info" section of this story.

Head on Collision

Carry On

Jack’s POV

‘Starting over’ is hard. Actually, no, it’s practically fucking impossible. Okay. So I’ve become one of those people who make assumptions about everything. I assumed that me and Alex having a ‘clean slate’ meant all the bullshit would go away. I assumed that us forgetting everything meant going back t how we were. I assumed that e wouldn’t be awkward; that things would be back to normal or at least how we were in the beginning.

I remember we were awkward and cautious. It took us weeks to finally kiss, not by lack of trying. It was all sexual tension and suggestive glances; blushing and mushy conversations. I would kill to have all that back again.

But, we were practically the opposite. Sure, Alex and I are ‘boyfriends. But, we don’t hold hands, we don’t kiss and we’ve only hugged once. It’s been 9 days, before you ask. 9 days. And it’s unbearable. It’s like all that shit is just hanging over us like this horrible dark cloud that won’t fucking go away. As hard as I try, it just sits there. I’m waiting for him to crack and bring it all back up again; fight with me over it even though he called the clean slate. But it’s not happening. He just acts like everything is normal. But really, it’s like were friends. There is no boyfriend like behaviour at all. I miss it. I miss him. It’s like he’s gone back into that shell again. The shell he was in when he started here. The one I pulled him out of. And it fucking sucks that I’ve been the one to put him back in there.

I don’t want to force him and I won’t. I know he’ll turn around when he’s ready. Come back out. Let me touch him again. I know he needs to build that trust again, the trust I destroyed. I just have to be patient.

But it’s so hard not to hold his hand, not to kiss his cheek or his forehead. Fuck. When his fringe falls in front of his face. It’s long enough to tuck behind is ear now. And watching him do it, makes me feel like I missing out on something.

We were currently in band practice; getting our shit together for that band competition that was actually only about a month away now. We had decided on playing Teenage Dirt bag because it sounds fucking sick when Alex sings it. We also chose Lullabies which Alex thinks sounds amazing with a full band. I personally prefer it when it’s just him, but I guess, he needs something to distract him from thinking about the topic of the song.

I was watching him now; he sat on the stool at the front in front of Rian’s drum kit. Rian stood beside Alex and they were discussing the composition of the song Alex hadn’t finished yet. We knew the melody and we almost had that down pat. But he kept insisting that the lyrics still needed work. He fidgeted a little; adjusting the beanie on his head and tugging the plaid top he wore down a fraction. He toed off his converses and kicked them out of the way; all the way not breaking the conversation with Rian.

Fingers clicking in front of my face brought me out of the trance and I looked up to Zack smirking at me. I looked down and started fiddling with the tuning knobs of my guitar. I pulled my feet up to the bottom rung of my stool.

“So?” he started.

“So?” I repeated.

“How are things?”

I just looked at him before dropping my gaze back down.

“Different,” I muttered.

“Bad different, or good different?” he pressed.

“Neither,” I shrugged. “Just different.”

“You want to talk about it or something?” Zack offered.

“Um, actually, yeah,” I nodded and slid down off my stool.

“Okay,” Zack smiled softly; seeming somewhat shocked by my admission.

“You guys need or want anything?” Zack asked Rian and Alex. “We’re going for pizza.”

“Jut the usually,” Rian shrugged.

“Sounds good,” Alex smiled at me and I did my best to return it.

“We won’t be long,” Zack told them and shoved me gently towards the stairs.

I trudged my way up them and followed Zack out the front door. It’ll be good to get it all off my chest.
♠ ♠ ♠
It's been a little while. But i guess i was just over loaded with all those chapters i posted at the beginning of the year. so much it threw me into writers block.
so it's short. but yeah. i seem to be back i want to get as much done before i sat college. so..
comments? :)